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"What should you do? Here's what you should do: invent a time machine, go back sixteen months, and convert everything to cash."
"I rolled my pension over and over and over, and now I have no idea where the hell it is."
Unusual Retirement Plans
"I'm trying to forget a 401k."
"I'll be okay when I retire. I'm maxing out my 401(K), stepping up my IRA contributions, and three times a year I bury two duffle bags filled with unmarked bills in my backyard."
Merrill Lynch, Pierce, Fenner & Smith & Mick Jagger
"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"
"Help! I haven't saved enough for retirement!"
"I'd like to invest in white bread, whitefish, white beans, whitewash..."