Academia Cartoons

"I've had those books for years. They represent the person I once aspired to be."

"Sure, we need more research in alchemy, necromancy, and sorcery, but where is the money going to come from?"

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"I've been reading the trashiest scientific abstract."

"Daddy works in a magical, faraway land called Academia."

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"But enough about this for a while, gentlemen. Let's talk about real estate."

Genius Grants and Recipients

"He's philosophy-driven."

A statue dedicated to "The Unknown Academic Infighter" stands outside a college campus.

"I'll thank you not to quote Yeats, Godel, or any other reminders of college loan debt."

"What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical."

"Oh, just hanging out, reading Upanishads."

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"A final word of thanks to those hard working scholars: The Term-Paper Ghostwriters."

"In addition to our speaker's many and considerable lifetime achievements, she is widely known as a piece of work!"

"The only way to create a sensation as an essayist these days is to write something mean bout cats."

"To what do I owe this honor?"

"An excellent defense. Let's give her the doctorate."

"Of course it will work, Penny. You're post-feminist and I'm post-chauvinist."

"Uh...no, thank you. I'll just stay another four years."

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"You've just proven that your job doesn't exist."