Academics Cartoons

"They're harmless when they're alone, but get a bunch of them together with a research grant and watch out."

"I've had those books for years. They represent the person I once aspired to be."

"I'm already seeing an anthropologist."

"Sure, we need more research in alchemy, necromancy, and sorcery, but where is the money going to come from?"

"There's the pressure from my public, naturally, as well as the pressure from my publisher, my agent, and all that. But the real pressure comes from that devil inside that makes me different from other men, that makes me a writer. But, of course, you know all about pressure, grinding out those papers at Sarah Lawrence."

"Surely two people as intelligent as we are can work out some method of falling in love."

"I've been reading the trashiest scientific abstract."

"Daddy works in a magical, faraway land called Academia."

"Well, it works for Susan Sontag."

"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."

"I'm in herbs—celebrating the ancient link between women and plants."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"But enough about this for a while, gentlemen. Let's talk about real estate."

Genius Grants and Recipients

"Do you have any bedtime stories that aren't about the former Yugoslavia?"

"He's philosophy-driven."

"Quick, get it while its molecules are still vibrating."

A classroom full of young children; a schedule board in the background lists the day's activities which include: circle time, art fun, snack and S.A.T. prep.

A statue dedicated to "The Unknown Academic Infighter" stands outside a college campus.

"You have an air of Camille Paglia about you."

"He walked in, said he was a visiting scholar, and made himself at home."

"We've found by applying just the tiniest bit of an electric shock, test scores have soared."

"There will be plenty of time for playing after you get into college."

"Whoa! Move over, Thoreau."

"What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical."