Actresses Cartoons

"I find it comforting to have Off-Broadway plays in the background."

"Just got the script from the focus group. Fabulous!"

Alison Pill

"When you say 'my people,' do you mean your tribe or your reps?"

"You need a transplant, but there are very few good parts for middle-aged women."

The Ethel Mormon Tabernacle Choir

Amy Sedaris

"Before you get comfortable, hon - Bette Davis is twins in this one."

"I wonder if we're talking about the same Grace Jones."

Los Angeles 250 Miles

"No wonder we could get tickets."

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

Little Red Riding Carpet

Two chairs on a film set labeled with "Producer" and "Director" next to rows of chairs labeled "Hanger-on"

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

"I prefer Meryl Streep not having fun."

"You ungrateful little beast! How dare you accuse me of being an overbearing stage mother! Go to your room and stay there!"

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

"I really enjoyed my last life. When I spoke, Hollywood trembled."

"I set a limit: one pity play per actor friend per year."

"Tonight the part normally played by the audience will be played by actors playing the part of the audience."

"I've seen it performed many times, but I can't remember ever sleeping through it so peacefully."

"Once you've stood up for one actor, you're not allowed to sit back down for the next."

"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"