"If you laugh at all of God's jokes, he's never going to learn what's funny."
"Did you bring a duplicate copy of your 'Times' obit with you?"
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, paperwork, document, documents, proof, evidence, death certificate, death certificates, government, governments, bureaucracy, duplicate, copy, copies, obituary, obituaries, obit, obits, news, newspaper, newspapers, media, getting into heavenAn angel looks at a news box containing the "International Herald Tribune".
"Nobody 'leaked' your transgressions, Mister. We know everything up here."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, god, watching, leak, leaks, leaked, transgression, transgressions, sins, know, knowing, everything, surveillance, under surveillance, no privacy, invasion of privacy, security, entering heaven"For years, people did their best to destroy me, but I ultimately prevailed."
"No, sorry, you'll still be dumb."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, dumb, stupid, sorry, apology, apologies, apologising, apologizing, fate, forever, still, second chance, second chances, hopeless"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."
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death, dead, burial, burials, memorial, memorials, funeral, funerals, burial service, burial services, memorial service, memorial services, funeral service, funeral services, cemetery, cemeteries, graveyard, graveyards, tombstone, tombstones, gravestone, gravestones, headstone, headstones, grave, graves, marker, markers, mourner, mourners, mourning, grieving, bereaved, upgraded, upgrade, upgrades, first class, business class, travel, tourism, traveler, travelers, traveller, travellers, point, points, point card, point cards, heaven, after death, life after death, consumerism"I don't dance on the head of a pin unless I'm really drunk."
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religion, religious, death, after death, heaven, angel, angels, clouds, how many angels can dance on the head of a pin, pin, pins, dance, dances, dancing, drink, drinks, drinking, drinking alcohol, alcohol, alcoholic, liquor, booze, drunk, drunks, inebriated, pissed, intoxicated, uninhibited, free, wild, out-of-control, out of control, letting your guard down, relax, dance on the head of a pin, metaphor, metaphors, expression, expressions, word play, wordplay"So you can take it with you!"
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cliche, cliches, heaven, pearly gate, pearly gates, afterlife, death, dead, you can't take it with you, heaven's gate, possession, possessions, greed, greedy, materialism, entering heaven, entrance to heaven, death, after death, st. peter's gate, st. peter, saint peter, saint peter's gate, getting into heaven, golf club, golf clubs, golfer, golfers, grill, grills, barbecue, barbecues"Malcolm W. Dunlap, violin repairs. Malcolm, we are so pleased to see you."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, violin, violins, music, musical instrument, musical instruments, instrument, instruments, repair, luthier, luthiers, violin repair, violin repairs, pleased, glad"Well, all your good deeds appear to be in order - now all that's left is the cavity search."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, entering heaven, good deed, good deeds, requirement, requirements, admission, bureaucracy, security, cavity search, cavity searches, security screening, security screenings, tsa, t.s.a., transportation security administration, department of homeland security, invasive, invasion of privacy, invasions of privacy"Murchison is still in denial."
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religion, religious, death, dead, after death, life after death, heaven, angel, angels, new arrival, new arrivals, in denial, denial, nonacceptance, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management"It says here that you gave a lot of money to both parties and neither expected nor received anything in return. Very nice, but we'll have to put you in the crazy section."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, entering heaven, charity, charitable, donation, donations, donor, donors, philanthropy, good deed, good deeds, money, politics, political party, political parties, republican party, republican, republicans, gop, grand old party, democrat, democrats, democratic party, campaign, campaigns, political, financing, crazy, both, campaign financing, political donor, political donors, funding, section, sections, corruption, campaign donations, campaign donors"If I die first, you should remarry. If you die first, I'll get a dog."
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relationship, relationships, relationship problems, relationship issues, couple, couples, married life, marriage, marriages, husband, husbands, wife, wives, widow, widows, death, after death, replace, replacement, replacements, remarry, remarriage, remarrying, animal, animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, dog, dogs, dog owner, dog owners, dog lover, dog loversKingdom of Heaven- Exact Change Only
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ticket barrier, ticket barriers, tunnel, tunnels, toll gate, toll gates, gates of heaven, pearly gates, exact change, change, exact change only, toll, tolls, afterlife, the afterlife, after death, heaven, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, restriction, restrictions, exclusive, exclusion"I'm just glad we got out before interest rates went up again."
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religion, religious, death, after death, life after death, afterlife, heaven, angel, angels, money, banking, bank, banks, interest rate, interest rates, rising, increasing, business, businessman, businessmen, investor, investors, investing, wall street, economy, economic policy, finances, lucky escape, lucky escapes"Quick! I need some more charitable donations!"
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, businessman, businessmen, charity, donation, donations, charitable, charitable donation, charitable donations, entering heaven, buying your way into heaven, indulgence, indulgences, money, corruption, corrupt, wealthy, rich, the one percent, the 1%"Everything is so easy for you."
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religion, religious, death, after death, life after death, heaven, angel, angels, god, easy, angry, anger, upset, psychology, easy life, uncomplicated, effortless"I hear they're desperate for new users."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, new arrivals, social media, social network, social networks, social networking, technology, marketing, advertising, advertisement, advertisements, advertising, ad, ads, desperate, desperation, user, users, new users, sign up, signing up, computer, computers, online, internet, modern lifeMen and women in Heaven are standing around at a cocktail party wear name tags.
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religion, religious, death, dead, after death, life after death, heaven, angel, angels, party, parties, cocktail party, cocktail parties, name, names, name tag, name tags, the late great, fame, legacy, legacies"We've always admired those literate prayers of yours, and it's our hope that you'll keep them coming even though you're dead."
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religion, religious, death, after death, afterlife, heaven, heaven's gate, entrance to heaven, st. peter's gate, saint peter's gate, pearly gates, st. peter, saint peter, angel, angels, god, pray, prayer, prayers, praying, admiration, admire, literate, hope, keep up the good work, encouraging, writer, writers, author, authors