"Does anyone else's robe say 'Hyatt'?"
"Wait. Don't look. O.K., over my left shoulder-is that God?"
"All dogs go to Heaven, because we're not the ones who screwed up."
"What can I do? Fuel prices are so high."
"It saves energy and makes me feel holier."
"Is there any chance of getting my testicles back?"
"No, no, that's not a sin, either. My goodness, you must have worried yourself to death."
"Relax, honey - change is good."
Tags:death, grim reaper, black humor, language, clichés, dark humor, dark humour, die, dies, dying, transition, transitions, change, changes, changing, positive change, positive changes, afterlife, afterlives, good change, good changes, married couple, married couples, old married couple, old married couples, mankoff
"I just feel we'd know more people in Hell."
"You picked the wrong religion, period. I'm not going to argue about it."
A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.
Tags:parking meter, parking meters, expire, expires, expiring, expiration, die, dies, dying, death, deaths, car, cars, auto, autos, automobile, automobiles, soul, souls, ascend, ascends, ascending, ascension, 21 grams, 21 grams theory, angel, angels, afterlife, afterlives, soul escaping, soul death, expired meter, expired meters, parking ticket, parking tickets
Concierge in Heaven
"You had more money than God. That's a big no-no."
"Damn! God gave me that pen."
"But stay off the couch."
Tags:couch, couches, dog, dogs, furniture, forbid, forbidden, forbidding, saint peter, heaven, afterlife, afterlives, heaven's gate, heavenly gates, gates of heaven, pet, pets, behavior, discipline, disciplines, disciplining, dog trainer, dog trainers, dog training, obedience, obedience school, obedience schools
"Ah! Here you are - over on the s**t list."
"That's it? Salesman of the month, August '87?"
"Sorry, Chief, but Bianca Jagger is here to check on human-rights abuses."
Tags:bianca jagger, celebrity activist, celebrity activists, celebrity activism, human rights, human rights abuse, human rights abuses, dictator, dictators, dictatorship, dictatorships, check on power, checks on powers, checks and balances, watchmen, law, international law, international laws, law enforcement, law enforcer, law enforcers, cause celebre, cause celebres, trend, trends, trendy, hell, hades, devil, devils, satan, afterlife, afterlives, slacktivist, slacktivists, slacktivism
"Damn, looks like that snotty kid of Ben and Edna's is coming up the tunnel of light."
Tags:heaven, heaven’s gate, afterlife, afterlives, after-life, after-lives, gates of heaven, death, dead, dying, child, children, family, families, family conflict, family conflicts, black sheep, black sheep of the family, brat, brats, bratty children, relatives, relative, snotty kid, snotty kids, snotty children, snotty child, there goes the neighborhood, cloud city, tunnel of light, tunnel of lights, white light, disappointment, disappointing
"He makes us watch this fire-safety video once a year."
"I guess what I miss most is being drunk."
"We're thinking about getting a little pied-a-terre in hell."
"And, if you don't have an attorney, we have millions of them."
"Trust me. It's not a God-given right."
The Nine Circles of Heaven
Tags:nice circles, heaven, hell, inferno, dante, dante's inferno, divine comedy, the divine comedy, good behavior, good behaviors, good person, good people, trig, trigonometry, bus, busses, remember birthdays, remembers birthdays, remembering birthdays, afterlife, afterlives, recycle, recycles, recycling, reuse, reuses, reusing, virtue, virtuous, virtuous behavior, floss, flosses, flossing, flosser, flossers