Alternative Cartoons

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

Tiny Tim, who did not die, grows up to marry Little Nell, who did not die, either.

The Barbarian At the Villiage Gate

"Would you like that all in money?"

All-Candy Seder.

A crowded expressway with two signs; one reads "Cross City Expressway" the other reads "Viable Alternative".

"Now we wait."

"Couldn't I do a couple of hundred hours of community service instead?"

"We'll never be able to keep up with the neighbors, but what if something bad were to happen to the neighbors?"

"I'm a green thief."

"If you are still unhappy with your current allowance compensation, may I once more suggest to you a life of crime."

"I don't have a bedtime story - how about a bedtime joke or anecdote?"

"It's the best thing since bread torn into little pieces."

Asexual Harassment

Crowd Holds Out Bowls Of Water For Sled Dogs Running Marathon

"We have an arrangement."

Sled Dogs Instead Of City Bikes

"I said the National Endowment for the Arts is offering you a hundred and fifty thousand dollars to lie fallow for a year."

"You're in for a treat—Gregor awoke this morning from uneasy dreams to find himself transformed into a killer tapas chef."

"If memory serves, the alternative to being a McGovern-nik was being a Nixon-nik."

Free Ideas for Alternative Fuels

Howard Schultz tests his centrist messaging.

"I'm sorry, Jeannie, your answer was correct, but Kevin shouted his incorrect answer over yours, so he gets the points."

"Are you pretty good with your fists?"

"Well, folks, it looks as if Ole Mich is really getting trounced by those Reds.