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"Let's face it, Fred. You and I are not exactly apostles of change."
"I see you, Jake--but does anyone have a question that's not about carpentry?"
"Being around Jesus brings out all my apostle issues."
"Right now I'm his apostle, but my dream is to someday be my own Messiah."
"O.K., O.K. ... I'd lay with Peter betroth Paul and smite Luke."