"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."
"Hi. I'm John, your date for this evening. I've brought my résumé and letters of recommendation."
Tags:date, dates, dating, single life, resume, resumes, application, applications, job application, job applications, defensive, attorney, attorneys, modern life, modern lives, identity, identities, identification, identifications, driver's license, modern life, modern times, blind date, blind dates, internet date, internet dates, internet dating, dating site, dating sites
"The bunny did not get the job because the bunny is cute. The bunny got the job because the bunny knows WordPerfect."
Tags:discrimination, discriminate, discriminates, discriminating, cute, cuteness, adorable, bunny, bunnies, rabbit, rabbits, hippo, hippos, hippopotamus, writing program, writing programs, skill, skills, skilled, qualification, qualifications, job qualification, job qualifications, qualified, hiring, application, applications, job application, job applications, suspicious, suspicion, suspicions, attractive, attractiveness, computer skills, computer literacy
"I gotta tell ya, these embezzlement convictions raise a red flag."
Tags:business, personnel, ethics, moral relativity, jargon, application, applications, criminal history, criminal history, red flag, red flags, conviction, convictions, embezzlement, embezzle, embezzles, embezzling, red flag, red flags, job application, job applications, job interview, job interviews, interviewing, warning, warning sign, warning signs, corporate crime, corporate criminal, white collar crime, white collar crimes, mankoff
"Oh, Lord! We forgot to invite any content providers."
Tags:content provider, content providers, website, websites, cocktail party, cocktail parties, party, parties, invite, invitation, invitations, bored, boring, content, digital content, digital, tech job, tech jobs, user interface, user interfaces, developer, developers, app, apps, application, applications
"I see by your résumé that you're a woman."
Tags:resume, resumes, diversity, diversity hire, diversity hires, hiring, hire, hires, hiring officer, hiring officers, c/v, c/vs, feminist, feminists, feminism, glass ceiling, misogynist, misogynists, misogyny, qualification, qualifications, qualified, sexist, sexists, application, applications, job application, job applications
"Of course I'm angry—look at me."
Tags:game, games, app, apps, application, applications, smartphone, smartphones, cellphone, cellphones, cell phone, cell phones, mobile phone, mobile phones, animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, bird, birds, angry, upset, character, characters, video game, video games, computer game, computer games, computer, computers, looks, appearance
"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"
Tags:translation, translations, french, translator, translators, resume, resumes, c/v, c/vs, cv, application, applications, job application, job applications, qualification, qualifications, job qualification, job qualifications, business school, business schools, harvard business school, lie, lies, lying, liar, liars
"What the hell? We could use an idiot."
Tags:idiot, idiots, hiring, hire, hires, hired, new guy, new guys, diversity, workplace diversity, diversity hire, diversity hires, positive discrimination, moron, morons, unqualified, incompetent, incompetence, application, applications, interview, interviews, interviewing, job interview, job interviews, worker, workers, working, colleague, colleagues, co-worker, co-workers
"I want to make my mark on the world—and have it disappear in ten seconds."
Tags:make a mark in the world, accomplishment, accomplishments, mark, marks, make a mark, making a mark, legacy, legacies, disappear, disappearing, fast, quickly, rapidly, ten seconds, story, stories, temporary, fleeting, social media, social network, social networks, social networking, newsfeed, newsfeeds, news feed, news feeds, modern life, technology, viral, going viral, internet, online, internet famous, fleeting fame, 15 seconds of fame, influencer, influencers, picture, pictures, photo, photos, photograph, photographs, photography, apps, app, application, applications, phone, phones, cellphone, cellphones, cell phone, cell phones, cellular phone, cellular phones, mobile phone, mobile phones, smart phone, smart phones, smartphone, smartphones, millennial, millennials, youth
"Hang on - I'll Uber us a school bus."
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, childhood, modern childhood, modern children, modern kids, kids today, youth, coming home from school, bus, buses, school bus, school buses, ride share, ride-share, ride-sharing, ride sharing, rideshare, ridesharing, transportation, modern transportation, taxi, taxis, cab, cabs, millennial, millennials, smartphone, smartphones, smart phone, smart phones, cell phone, cell phones, cellphone, cellphones, mobile phone, mobile phones, app, apps, application, applications, technology, peer-to-peer, schoolkids
"You eat dog - excellent!"
"Right swipe, right swipe, right swipe..."
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship issue, relationship problems, love, dating, date, dates, single, singles, single life, dating app, dating apps, internet dating, online dating, swiping right, desperate, desperation, cupid, cupids, arrow, arrows, bow, bows, bow and arrow, eros, greek mythology, looking for love, matching, match, matches, matchmaker, matchmakers, matchmaking, technology, app, apps, application, applications, modern life, millennial, millennials
"Is this your first time being fired in 3-D?"
"Don't cry, Mom. Lots of parents have children who didn't get into their first-choice college, and they went on to live happy, fulfilled lives."
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, family, families, teen, teens, teenager, adolescent, adolescence, raising teens, young adults, education, school, schools, schooling, teaching, learning, student, students, higher education, college, colleges, university, universities, happy, happiness, fulfilled, fulfilling, first-choice, cry, crying, upset, disappointment, disappointed, admissions, application, applications, rejection, rejected, rejection letter, rejection letters
"In addition to creating awesome apps our mission statement should include something about making enough cash so we don't have to move back in with our parents."
"Bad news- some kid just created an app that creates apps."
Tags:app, apps, application, applications, program, programme, programming, programs, programmes, code, coding, codes, tech, technology, smartphone, smartphones, cell, cells, cellphone, cell phone, cellphones, cell phones, mobile, mobiles, mobile phones, mobile phone, software, softwares, obsolete, redundant, bot, bots, meta, automation, automated, fired, fire, techy, techie, programmer, silicon valley, upstarts, startup, startups
"I have an app that gives me points for looking up from my phone."
Tags:screen addict, screen addicts, screen addiction, screen addictions, screen time, screentime, screen-time, cell, cells, mobile, mobiles, cellphone, cellphones, phone, phones, smartphone, smartphones, addiction, addictive, addictions, overuse, dependency, app, apps, application, applications, hypocrisy, hypocrite, hypocrites, modern life
"I used to panic if any trend passed me by, but I now have a service which alerts me to everything."
"Do you have any references?"
Tags:superhero, superheroes, applicant, applicants, job application, job applications, application, applications, interview, interviews, interviewing, job interview, job interviews, employment, reference, references, job reference, job references, personnel, personnel department, human resources, human resources department, human resources departments, comic book, comic books, recruit, recruits, recruiting, lack of references, job experience, qualification, qualifications, unqualified, limited, limitation, limitations
"I know, but all promises are off when Daddy's writing his grant proposals."
Tags:kid, kids, child, children, son, sons, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, family, families, academic, academics, professor, professors, grant, grants, grant proposal, grant proposals, research funding, funding, money, investment, investments, entrepreneur, entrepreneurs, non-profit, non-profits, broken promise, broken promises, busy, proposal, proposals, application, applications, applying, finances
"You're the only one I know stilling calling people 'Uber' this and 'Uber' that."
"I'll put your application on file, Mr. Brandt, but I'm quite happy with my current paperweight."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office, offices, office life, hiring, hr, h.r., human resources, recruiting, recruiter, recruiters, recruitment, interview, interviews, job, jobs, position, positions, candidate, candidates, employee, employees, employment, unemployment, work, application, applications, on file, worker, workers, paperweight, paperweights, modern life
"You can't keep running in here demanding date every five years!"