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"I set a limit: one pity play per actor friend per year."
"Hi, I'm Ron. I'll be your waiter this evening. Previously, I was Billy Bigelow in the Center Moriches production of 'Carousel,' Biff in the Yardley Playhouse's 'Death of a Salesman,' Nathan Detroit in Oakland's 'Guys and Dolls,' Laertes in . . ."
"I consider it an honor just to be sitting with someone who's thinking of becoming an actress."
"Come on, Boffo, it's time to get into your costume!"
"Will you please cut the 'Alas, poor Yorick' bit and open that chest?"
"The first half of my life I waited for Hollywood to call. Now, ironically enough, I'm Hollywood and I can call people."
Missing: my agent