"We're presenting this year's award to the tomato—for the way he has deepened our understanding of world-conflict resolution, for fostering the ideals of peace, friendship, and international brotherhood, and for being delicious."
Tags:award, awards, awarding, awards ceremony, awards ceremonies, prize, prizes, presentation, presentations, presenting, tomato, tomatoes, food, anthropomorphic, anthropomorphism, personification, peace, world peace, friendship, international, brotherhood, conflict resolution, understanding, ideal, ideals, delicious, tasty, united nations, un
Armchair Is Highly Decorated
Tags:furniture, furnishing, furnishings, decor, decoration, decorate, decorated, interior design, interior, interiors, pun, puns, punny, play on words, word-play, word play, military, award, awards, badge, badges, medal, medals, recognition, experience, experienced, old chair, arm chair, armchair, lapel, lapels, general, generals, army, armies, army general, army generals
"Sorry to crash the party, folks, but all the little people that made it happen were just discovered buried in a shallow grave outside Bakersfield."
Tags:dark humour, dark humor, black humour, black humor, dead, die, died, death, dying, killed, killing, killer, killers, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, investigate, investigative, investigator, investigators, fbi, f.b.i., federal bureau of investigation, detective, detectives, police, policeman, policemen, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, crime, crimes, criminal, criminals, hollywood, bakersfield, california, award, awards, ceremony
"And this is a crossword puzzle I'm working on."
Tags:military, officer, officers, general, generals, rank, ranks, medal, medals, pin, pins, lapel, lapels, lapel pin, lapel pins, decoration, decorations, award, awards, badge, badges, bar, bars, ribbon, ribbons, hero, heroes, heroism, bravery, service, service record, service records, record of service, crossword puzzle, crossword puzzles, crossword, crosswords, word puzzle, word puzzles, puzzle, puzzles, show-off, brag, display, hobby, hobbies, leisure, party, parties, cocktail party, cocktail parties
"Ah, here's some good news, Mr. Gormley. It seems you've been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame."
"No flag pin!"
Tags:military, officer, officers, soldier, soldiers, general, generals, rank, ranks, medal, medals, pin, pins, lapel, lapels, lapel pin, lapel pins, decoration, decorations, award, awards, badge, badges, bar, bars, ribbon, ribbons, hero, heroes, heroism, bravery, service, service record, service records, record of service, flag, flags, flag pin, flag pins, missing, patriotism, patriot, patriots, party, parties, cocktail party, cocktail parties
"I'll flip you to see whose name is listed first if we should ever win a Nobel Prize."
Tags:scientist, scientists, chemist, chemists, chemistry, science experiment, science experiments, scientific experiment, scientific experiments, scientific discovery, scientific discoveries, toss a coin, tossing a coin, flip a coin, flipping a coin, scientific breakthrough, scientific breakthroughs, experiment, experiments, award, awards, recognition, recognition, prize, prize, accolade, accolade, credit, giving credit, taking credit equal credit
Tags:modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, tv addict, tv addicts, tv addiction, television addict, television addicts, television addiction, screen addict, screen addicts, screen addiction, accomplishment, accomplishments, achievement, achievements, award, awards, certificate, cartificates, 3 square meals, three square meals, eight hours sleep, lazy, laziness, layabout, layabouts
"Before they're slaughtered, each one gets an achievement award."
Tags:cow, cows, beef, beef cow, slaughter, slaughtered, slaughters, slaughterhouse, slaughterhouses, butcher, butchers, abattoir, abattoirs, millennial, modern, modern life, modern world, achievement, achievements, award, awards, meat, meat industry, food industry, inspect, inspector, cattle, livestock, herd, vegan, vegans, veganism, vegetarians, vegetarian, vegetarianism, animal
"First, I'd like to thank the Academy."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, old testament, exodus, book of exodus, deuteronomy, book of deuteronomy, moses, commandment, commandments, ten commandments, 10 commandments, decalogue, mt. sinai, accepting, acceptance speech, acceptance speeches, award ceremony, awards ceremonies, academy, award, awards, speech, speeches, famous, celeb, celebs, celebrity, celebrities, star, stars, actor, actors, entertainment
In hindsight, I suppose, the number of medical school diplomas on the walls should have been a red flag.
Tags:red flag, red flags, warning sign, warning signs, warn, warns, warning, warning, worry, worries, worrying, worrier, worriers, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, family doctor, family doctors, quack, quacks, hindsight, benefit of hindsight, diploma, diplomas, award, awards, certificate, certificates, waiting room, waiting rooms, ominous
"If he can't get Yard of the Month, he'd rather just burn it."
Tags:yard, yards, award, awards, award season, proud, pride, lawn, lawns, lawn care, lawn maintenance, maintenance, maintaining, accomplishment, accomplishments, perfectionist, perfectionists, perfectionism, torch, torches, burn, burns, burning, jealous, jealousy, real estate, garden, gardens, front yard, front yards, front garden, front gardens, petty, pettiness, personal property, yardwork, chore, chores, mow the lawn, mowing the lawn, award season
"Jalapeño was our first bagel to go platinum."
Tags:jalapeno, jalapenos, bagel, bagels, flavor, flavors, flavour, flavours, gold record, gold records, platinum record, platinum records, deli, delis, award, awards, bestseller, bestsellers, bestselling, trophy, trophies, trophy case, trophy cases, music business, music industry, status symbol, status symbols
Lifetime Achievement Awards
"They're all for staying out of trouble."
"Once you've stood up for one actor, you're not allowed to sit back down for the next."
Tags:award, awards, award ceremony, award ceremonies, actor, actors, applause, applaud, applauding, standing ovation, standing ovation, standing applause, honour, honours, honouring, polite, politeness, social niceties, social nicety, social cue, social cues, respect, respecting, respectful, acting, best actor, best actor award, actress, actresses
"If it weren't for the Botox, right now I'd be so sharing your enthusiasm."
Tags:botox, botox injection, botox injections, hollywood, award, awards, award ceremony, award ceremonies, plastic, plastic surgery, plastic surgeons, awards ceremony, awards ceremonies, superficial, superficiality, actress, actresses, look young, looks young, looking young, youthful, plastic surgeries, glamour, glamor
"Creative, imaginative, and fierce-these are just a few of the words that I'm reading off the teleprompter."
Tags:award, awards, awards ceremony, banter, banters, bantering, bant, bants, teleprompter, teleprompters, teleprompting, prompt, prompts, prompter, prompters, prompted, compliment, compliments, complimenting, script, scripted, scripting, writer, writers, writing, creative, creativity, cut through, cuts through, cutting through, awards ceremonies, introduce, introduces, introduction, introductions
"Something intellectual-I'm presenting a goddam writing award."
Tags:beauty, beauty shop, beauty shops, hair salon, hair salons, hair dresser, hair dressers, hair styles, hair style, hair stylist, hair stylists, cosmetology, cosmetologists, cosmetologist, makeup artist, makeup artists, award, awards, award show, host, hosts, hostess, hostesses, hollywood, awards ceremony, awards ceremonies, intellectual, incompetent, incompetents, unskilled, unprofessional, look smart, dressing smart
Country Music Awards
Tags:slang, cowboy, cowboys, cow boy, cow boys, wild west, west, western, westerns, old west, wild wild west, horseback, horses, horse, ye olde, modern, modern life, modernity, yehaw, cowboy hat, hat, 10 gallon hat, ten gallon hat, modern, modern life, modern world, culture, culture clash, country and western, country, american culture, american music, daddy issues, back off, standoffish, stand-offish, stand offish, rebel, rebels, underwhelm, underwhelming, genre, genres, critique, criticism, music, musician, musicians, trope, tropes, cliche, cliches, invert, inversion, inverted, subvert, subverted, subversion, music industry, region, regions, regional, award, awards, unlikely
"And now, before we adjourn, Ms. Hunnicutt will announce the meeting's M.V.P."
Tags:business, businessmen, businessman, businesswoman, businesswomen, meeting, meetings, office, offices, office life, adjourn, adjourning, announce, announcement, announcements, executive, executives, manager, managers, sport, sports, player, players, manager, managers, mvp, m.v.p., most valuable player, most valuable players, mvps, m.v.p.s, award, awards, reward, rewards, jargon, morale, modern life
"I've been in three documentaries, but I've never been nominated."
Tags:elephant, elephants, documentary, documentaries, wildlife documentary, wildlife documentaries, nature documentary, nature documentaries, tv, television, nomination, nominations, nominated, award, awards, documentary presenter, actor, actors, television awards, safari, safaris, safari animal, safari animals, disappointment, disapoointments
"Unfortunately, Lance can't be here tonight to accept this award. But it's a thrill and an honor for me to accept it on his behalf on my way over to his place with his small onion and pepperoni."
Tags:delivery man, delivery men, pizza delivery, pizza deliveries, pizza, takeout, takeouts, takeaway, takeaways, takeout pizza, takeout pizzas, takeaway pizza, takeaway pizzas, award, awards, award ceremony, award ceremonies, lazy, laziness, deliveryman, deliverymen, delivery person, delivery people, acceptance speech, acceptance speeches, disrespect, disrespectful, disregard, disregarding, movie award, movie awards, film award, film awards
Tags:country song, country songs, country, country music, country and western, self-pity, self-pities, self-pitying, sad song, sad songs, mopey, mope, mopes, moping, depressing, depressing song, depressing songs, depression, award, awards, award ceremony, award ceremonies, award winner, award winners, award winning, song, songs, hit, hits, country chart, country chart, country charts
"And, of course, I want to thank all the little people!"
Tags:award, awards, ceremony, ceremonies, award ceremony, award ceremonies, speech, speeches, acceptance speech, acceptance speeches, cliche, self image, self presentation, self-image, self-presentation, actor, actors, false, fake, acting, little people, the little, people, thank, thanking, thank you speech, thank you speeches, buzzword, buzzwords, jargon