"I can't help thinking there's a book in this."
"Nooo. Not my legs."
"Instead, let me be your investment advisor and get you eleven-per-cent return, year in and year out, regardless of market conditions."
Tags:david, goliath, investment advisor, investment adviser, investment advisers, investment advisors, investor, investors, investment, investments, money advice, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, bible, bibles, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories, old testament, war, wars, conflict, conflicts
God Goes Down Low/Adam Is Too Slow
Tags:michelangelo, the creation of adam, adam, genesis, bible story, bible stories, fresco, frescos, ceiling fresco, sistine chapel, down low, creation myth, creation myths, creation story, creation stories, creation of man, art history, art historian, art historians, religious icon, religious icons
"'Kchow! Kchow! The roscoe spoke twice, and Mike dodged behind a-' Hang on, wrong book."
Tags:priest, priests, minister, ministers, vicar, vicars, marry, marries, marrying, wedding, wedding ceremony, wedding ceremonies, bible, bible reading, bible readings, biblical, bible story, bible stories, parable, parables, wrong book, wrong books, book, books, mistake, mistakes, mistaken, accident, accidents, accidental, embarrass, embarrasses, embarrassing, faux pas
Moses' Reading Glasses
"Don't worry, Ma - I'm too big to fail."
"Everyone wants to known what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."
Tags:complication, complicated, complications, relationship, relationships, father, fathers, dad, dads, son, sons, father-son, jesus, bible story, bible stories, gospel, gospels, dysfunctional relationship, dysfunctional relationships, god, new testament, christianity, wwjd, what would jesus do, christian, christians
"So it's a case of he said, she said, it said."
Tags:garden of eden, genesis, book of genesis, he said she said, he said, she said, story, stories, serpent, serpents, tree of knowledge, forbidden fruit, forbidden fruits, rashomon effect, lie, lies, liar, liars, self-serving, blame, blames, blaming, shift blame, shifts blame, shifting blame, point fingers, pointing fingers, finger-pointing, god, broken law, broken laws, bible story, bible stories, creation story, creation stories
"This is the tree of knowledge. We also have a tree of athletic ability and a tree if you want to be a good dancer."
Tags:garden of eden, knowledge, trees, ability, athletic, dancer, serpent, skills, adam, eve, god, christians, christianity, religion, tree of knowledge, tempt, tempts, tempting, wish, wishes, grant wishes, granting wishes, bible story, bible stories, genesis, book of genesis, sins, sinning, sinner, sinners
"I thought that while he's in there brushing his teeth it would be a good opportunity for us to talk."
Tags:brush teeth, brushes teeth, brushing teeth, toothbrush, toothbrushes, serpent, serpents, garden of eden, cheat, cheats, cheater, cheaters, tempt, tempts, tempting, temptations, adulterer, adulterers, tree of knowledge, fruit of knowledge, adam, eve, adam & eve, bible story, bible stories, original sin, sins, sinning, sinner, sinners
"And the Lord said, 'They shall gradually, so as not to cause unemployment, beat their swords into plowshares.'"
Tags:defense budget, defense budgets, military budget, military budgets, budget cut, budget cuts, downsize, downsizes, downsizing, military industry, military industrial complex, military industrial complexes, unemployment, unemployment rate, unemployment rates, cut, cuts, cutting, cut costs, cuts costs, cutting costs, slash the budget, slashes the budget, slashing the budget, religious right, clergy, clergyman, clergymen, preach, preaches, preaching, bible story, bible stories
"No one said we couldn't eat the snake."
Tags:guilt, guilts, guilting, mom, moms, mother, mothers, mum, mums, nag, nags, nagging, passive aggressive, passive aggression, passive aggressiveness, parent, parents, parenting, frustration, frustrations, frustrating, put on a sweater, nice young man, approval, approve, approves, approving, torah, genesis, bible, bible story, bible stories, shpasik, jtoons
"Use a five iron!"
Skyscraper/Tower of Babel
Tags:tower of babel, skyscraper, skyscrapers, human endeavour, building site, building sites, construction site, construction sites, human limitation, human limitations, arrogance, ambition, human ambition, architecture, architect, architects, language, languages, language divide, language barrier, human cooperation, empire state building, tower, towers, urban expansion, bible story, bible stories
"Bring me the head of John the Baptist. Just kidding. Get me the Paulson file."
"I knew the woodpeckers were a mistake."
Tags:woodpecker, woodpeckers, bird, birds, noah, noah's ark, noahs ark, ark, arks, wildlife, mistake, mistakes, regret, regrets, flaw in the plan, flawed plan, flawed plans, sinking ship, sinking ships, bible story, biblical flood, sunday school, bible stories, genesis, old testament, torah story, torah stories, book of genesis, flood, floods, flooding
"I say we throw the damn things overboard."
Tags:dinosaur, dinosaurs, brontosaurus, bronotosauruses, noah's ark, noahs ark, flood, floods, flooding, extinct, extinction, extinctions, great flood, bible story, bible stories, die out, dies out, dying out, throw overboard, throws overboard, throwing overboard, inconvenient, inconvenience, apatosaurus, ark, arks
"Not at all the sort of comment one was expecting."
Tags:message from god, messages from god, divine message, divine messages divine, writing on the wall, written on the wall, babylon, babylonian, babylonians, belshazzars feast, biblical stories, bible stories, bible, unexpected, unexpected messages, unexpected message, not expected, surprise, surprising, surprised, whatever, surly, abrupt, hand of god, gods hand, prophesy, prophesies, profound
"I preferred the Old Testament God."
Tags:old testament, god, gods, deity, deities, divine being, divine beings, lightening strike, lightening strikes, lightning strike, lightning strikes, golfer, golfers, golf course, golf courses, golf player, golf players, new testament, angel, angels, heaven, heavens, divine anger, divine intervention, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories
"Maybe you should go make sure we're in the right line."
"He'll have abandonment issues."
Tags:moses, basket, baskets, egypt, ancient egypt, exodus, book of exodus, torah, bible, bible story, bible stories, abandon, abandons, abandonment, abandonment issues, complex, complexes, long lost mother, long lost parent, mother, mothers, son, sons, mom, moms, mum, mums, judaism, christianity, old testament
"A pillar of salt? Why, you poor, poor man."
"It's Irv Pelton, Mr. Mather, from the Voice Crying in the Wilderness Department."
Tags:voice crying in the wilderness, book of isaiah, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories, meeting, meetings, company, companies, department, departments, appointment, appointments, john the baptist, opinion, opinions, unpopular opinion, unpopular opinions, rebel, rebels, corporate culture