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"My family likes to set up our grudges at Thanksgiving, stew over them through December, then take our revenge at Christmas."
"It was a complete blowout – I lost my seat, my house, my car, my wife, and my season ticket to the Redskins."
A teacher sits in front of a blackboard that advertises various school subjects as being for sale.
"It still looks just a little too much like - I don't know - me."