"If it's not safe to go in the water and it's not safe to go in the sun, why did you bring me here?"
Tags:beach, beaches, seaside, seashore, ocean, oceans, sea, seas, water, kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, family, families, safe, safety, unsafe, protect, protection, water safety, swimming, drowning, danger, dangerous, risky, sun, sunny, uv rays, uv, sunburn, sunburns, cancer, skin cancer, heatstroke, pollution, water pollution, ozone depletion, bored, boring, limited, restricted, complaint, complaints, complaining, whining, whinging, environment, environmental issues, environmental problems
"Now with a firm twist, I'll remove his attorney."
Tags:attorney, attorneys, lawyer, lawyers, legal team, legal teams, growth, growths, tumor, tumors, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, removal, removals, legal representation, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, hospital, hospitals, procedure, procedures, removal, removals, legal representative, cancer, cancers
Tags:surprise, surprises, bad news, ugly surprise, ugly surprises, pregnancy, fail, fails, failing, failure, failures, cancer, malignant, malignancy, divorce, divorces, surprise party, surprise parties, birthday party, birthday parties, flunk, flunks, fired, firing, firings, unexpected, news, shock, shocks, shocking, surprising, unfortunate
"Good news, Mrs. Bryant - I think we got it all."
"Hey, Gramps, is 'deathbed' one word or two?"
Tags:grandpa, grandpas, grandfather, grandfathers, deathbed, deathbeds, insensitive, death bed, death beds, spell check, spellcheck, dying, die, dies, dead, hospital, hospitals, teen, teens, teenager, thoughtless, thoughtlessness, carefree, rude, rudeness, tasteless, uncouth, question, questions, cancer, cancers
"I'll bet your're a Taurus. Right?"
Tags:bar, bars, pub, pubs, patron, patrons, customer, customers, drink, drinks, drinking, drinking alcohol, alcohol, alcoholic, liquor, booze, horoscope, horoscopes, zodiac, zodiac, astrology, star sign, star signs, western astrology, animal, animals, anthropomorphism, anthropomorphic, personification, bull, bulls, fish, ram, rams, crab, crabs, lion, lions, taurus, aeries, leo, pieces, cancer, relationship, relationships, dating, date, dates, pick-up line, pickup line, pickup lines, pick up line, pick up lines, compatibility
"Well, don't just stand there looking precancerous."
Tags:sunbathers, sunbathing, sunbath, beach, beaches, seaside, vacation, vacations, holiday, holidays, skin cancer, skin cancers, cancer, cancers, cancerous, disease, diseases, dermatologist, dermatologists, dermatology, beach chair, beach chairs, unhelpful, wife, wives, husband, husbands, nag, nags, nagging, sun cream, suncream, sun-cream
Tags:accident, accidents, circle, horoscope, horoscopes, zodiac, zodiacs, zodiac sign, zodiac signs, astrology, astrologer, astrologers, astrological sign, astrological signs, aries, taurus, gemini, cancer, leo, virgo, libra, scorpio, sagittarius, capricorn, aquarius, pisces, constellation, constellations, astronomy, astronomer, astronomers
"What about all those nasty cracks you made about Philip Morris?"
"I'll tell you, mock jury duty beats cancer testing."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, mice, mouse, rat, rats, lab rats, lab rat, testing, animal testing, cancer, medical testing, laboratory, laboratories, lab, labs, medical, test, tests, pretend, mock, jury, juries, jury duty, jury service, law, court, courts, courtroom, courtrooms, trial, trials, civic duty, forced, inhumane, boring, dull, legal, juror, jurors, better, worse, justice, judicial system, legal system, courts system
"We just made a big cancer breakthrough. Have a cigar."
Tags:cancer, lung cancer, bad idea, bad ideas, bad habit, bad habits, cancer research, cancer researcher, cancer researchers, cancer breakthrough, cancer breakthroughs, cigar, smoking, smoker, smokers, smoking habit, smoking habits, celebration, celebrations, celebrating, irresponsible, irresponsibility
"Nope, that one's benign too."
Tags:cow, cows, black and white cow, black and white cows, mole, moles, anxiety, anxious, cancer, cancers, skin cancer, benign tumor, benign tumors, benign mole, benign moles, medical check up, medical check ups, clinic, clinics, doctors clinic, doctors clinics, doctor's clinic, doctor's clinics, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, get well soon, relief,
"Hop? Jig? Dance? You're a dancer? Sounds like? Prancer? Cancer? Cancer! I got cancer!"
Tags:charade, charades, playing charades, diagnosis, diagnoses, cancer, oncology, oncologist, oncologists, sounds like, clue, clues, rhyme, rhymes, rhyming, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, cancer, cancers, guess, guesses, guessing, guessing game, guessing games, bad news, bearer of bad news, bearers of bad news
"I'm afraid Mr. Bickles has some bad news."
Tags:carcinoma, carcinomas, carcinogenic, smoking, smoker, smokers, bad habit, bad habits, cancer, cancers, lung cancer, sue, suing, law suit, law suits, unethical, immoral, tobacco, no smoking, thank you for not smoking, unhealthy, unhealthiness, addictive, addiction, nicotine, nicotine addiction, nicotine addicts, nicotine addicts, modern life, capitalism, capitalist, capitalists
"So did the fair princess ever develop melanoma?"
Tags:parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, kid, kids, child, childhood, growing up, child rearing, fairy story, fairy stories, fairy tale, fairy tales, melanoma, melanomas, malignant melanoma, malignant melanomas, skin cancer, skin cancers, cancer, cancers, fair skin, fair skinned, pale skin, pale skinned, beauty standard, beauty standard, difficult question, difficult questions, suncream, sunblock, sunscreen
Tags:hospice, hospice care, hospice worker, hospice workers, palliative care, end of life, end of life care, free reign, given free reign, terminal, incurable, diagnosis, diagnoses, illness, illnesses, cancer, disease, diseases, live it up, living it up, freedom, freedoms, free up, frees up, freeing up, end of life, last days
Grim reaper with a notepad passes a group of smokers
Tags:death, dead, grim reaper, grim reaper, reaper, reapers, smoking, smokers, smoker, tobacco, bad health, health, unhealthy, medical problems, health effects, health problems, cancer, lung cancer, future, futures, notepad, notepads, note, notes, notebook, notebooks, deadly, disease, disease, hazardous, health hazard, quit smoking
"Anyhoo, it's malignant."
Tags:malignant, malignancy, cancer, cancer diagnosis, cancer diagnoses, oncologist, oncologists, oncology, bedside manner, sensitive, sensitivity, insensitive, insensitivity, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, rude, rudeness, impolite, thoughtless, anyhoo, casual, overly casual, exam, exams, examination, examinsation, patient, patients, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing
"Although it's nothing serious, let's keep an eye on it to make sure it doesn't turn into a major lawsuit."
Tags:lawsuit, lawsuits, growth, growths, defensive medicine, defensive medical decision, defensive medical decisions, defensive medical decision making, malpractice, malpractice suit, malpractice suits, sue, sues, suing, ambulance chaser, ambulance chasers, ambulance chasing, skin cancer, skin tag, skin tags, mole, moles, dermatology, dermatologist, dermatologists, cancer, cancers, oncologist, oncologists, oncology, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, malpractice, medical malpractice
"We're going to beat this thing apart."
Tags:bedside manner, beat this thing, beats this thing, beating this thing, cancer, cancers, cancer diagnosis, cancer diagnoses, diagnosis, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, ill, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, separate, separates, separating, reassure, reassures, reassuring, reassurance, reassurances, patient, patients, help, helps, helping, helper, helpers
"We found a lumpty."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, egg, eggs, nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, rhyme, rhymes, mother goose, literature, children's story, children's stories, fictional character, fictional characters, humpty dumpty, lump, lumps, growth, growths, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, cancer, bad news
"It wasn't a carcinoma at all- it was just an itty-bitty attorney."
Tags:attorney, attorneys, lawyer, lawyers, legal representation, legal representative, legal representatives, surgery, in surgery, surgeon, surgeons, operation, operations, operating, operating theater, operating theaters, operating room, operating rooms, operating theatre, operating theatres, carcinoma, carcinomas, cancer, cancers, get well soon, good news, successful operation, successful operations
"Good news—it's not colon cancer, it's tinsel."
Tags:vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, animal doctor, animal doctors, vet clinic, vet clinics, animal hospital, animal hospitals, veterinarian clinic, veterinarian clinics, medical, medicine, good news, diagnosis, diagnoses, cancer, colon cancer, stomach problems, stomach issues, digestive issues, animal, animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, cat, cats, feline, felines, cat owner, cat owners, christmas, xmas, yule, noel, decoration, decorations, tinsel
"He died after a long battle with me."
Tags:couple, couples, husband and wife, husbands and wives, marriages, long term relationship, long term relationship, long-term relationships, bad relationship, bad relationships, marital fight, marital fights, domestic, domestics, domestic argument, domestic arguments, spousal dispute, spousal disputes, illness, illnesses, terminal illness, terminal illnesses, incurable disease, incurable diseases, dying, cancer, cancers