"Ask the judge whether we can find the defendant not guilty and still execute him."
"Worst-case scenario? The renovation goes three years and two million dollars over budget, one of you bludgeons me to death with my own hammer, and you both get the electric chair."
Tags:worst case scenario, worst case scenarios, renovation, renovations, renovate, renovator, renovators, construction, remodel, remodels, remodelling, worst case, builder, builders, construction worker, construction workers, bad news, nightmare, nightmares, murder, murders, capital punishment, honest, honesty, blunt, contractor, contractors, home construction, real estate, fixer upper, fixer uppers
"Hi, I'm your court-appointed lawyer-whoa! Don't tell me you've been executed already."
Tags:lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, court-appointed, public defender, public defenders, defence, defense, client, clients, defendant, defendants, jail, jail, prison, prisons, crime, criminal, criminals, convict, convicts, death row, death penalty, capital punishment, execution, executions, executed, cell, cells, empty, gone, disappeared, too late, bad timing, incompetent, incompetents, incompetence, death, black humour, black humor, dark humour, dark humor
"I think I should warn you that the flip side of our generous bonus-incentive program is capital punishment."
"Always wondered what happened if you tried to drive through without a card."
Tags:toll, tolls, toll bridge, toll bridges, toll booth, toll booths, highway, highways, motorway, motorways, ez pass, e-z pass, turnpike, new jersey turnpike, punishments, cheat, cheats, cheating, cheater, cheaters, electrocute, electrocutes, electrocuting, electrocution, card, cards, permission, drive through, drives through, driving through, capital punishment, death penalty
"And then on Friday at two you're scheduled to be put to death by lethal injection."
Tags:secretary, secretaries, pa, pas, personal assistant, personal assistants, administrator, administrators, schedule, schedules, agenda, agendas, death penalty, the death penalty, lethal injection, lethal injections, capital punishment, death row, on death row, death row inmate, prisoner, prisoners, criminal, criminals, inmate, inmates, full schedule, full schedules, death sentence, the death sentence, execution, executions, business man, business men, business person, business people, businessman, businessmen, businessperson
"I can help you guys form a union."
Tags:union, unions, unionise, unionises, unionising, unionize, unionizes, unionizing, union worker, union workers, coffin, coffins, undertaker, undertakers, undertaking, conflict of interest, conflicts of interest, execution, executions, executor, executors, hanging, hangings, old west, western, westerns, prison, prisoner, prisoners, capital punishment, union head, union heads
"O.K. That covers the last meal. Now, which would you prefer, hanging, electrocution, or lethal injection?"
Tags:prison, prisons, jail, jails, incarceration, inmate, inmates, convict, convicts, prisoner, prisoners, criminal, criminal, crime, punishments, capital punishment, death penalty, officer, officers, guard, guards, jailer, jailers, prison guard, prison guards, note, notes, questionnaire, questionnaires, survey, surveys, data collection, last meal, last meals, meal, meals, food, hanging, electrocution, lethal injection, execution, executions, methods of execution, condemned, black humor, black humour, dark humor, dark humour
The Death Penalty Box
Tags:sport, sports, hockey, ice hockey, player, players, athlete, athletes, penalty, penalties, penalty box, penalty boxes, ref, refs, referee, referees, official, officials, death, harsh, death penalty, execution, executions, capital punishment, punishments, rule, rules, electric chair, electric chairs, word play, wordplay, black humor, black humour, dark humour, dark humor, sportsmanship, breaking the rules
"I feel so vulnerable right now."
"Mind if I turn my hearing aid down?"
Tags:firing, firing squad, gun, guns, death, deaths, dead, dying, died, kill, killed, firing line, execute, execution, executions, war, wars, military, militarise, militarism, militaristic, militia, militias, executioner, executioners, wall, capital, capital punishment, martial law, martial, violence, violence, late, lateness, tardy, tardiness, punctual, punctuality, dark, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, gallows humour, gallows humor, dead, deadpan, hearing, hearing aid, deaf, deafness
Tags:king, kings, queen, queens, sovereign, sovereigns, ruler, rulers, monarch, monarchs, monarchy, royal, royalty, head, heads, headless, decapitation, decapitations, decapitated, executed, execution, executions, capital punishment, history, historical, rough day, tough day, bad day, hard work, rebellion, rebellions, revolution, revolutions, coming home, returning home, work, job, jobs, career, careers, medieval, business, briefcase, briefcases, businessman, businessmen, hard day, long day, office, offices, office work, office life
"On the one hand, I know I could make more money if I left public service for the private sector, but, on the other hand, I couldn't chop off heads."
Tags:king, kings, sovereign, sovereigns, ruler, rulers, monarch, monarchs, monarchy, royal, royalty, politics, history, historical, medieval, politician, politicians, government, governments, public service, public sector, private sector, business, business sector, money, execution, executions, capital punishment, decapitation, decapitations, insecure, insecurity, insecurities, corporate, problem, problems, chop off, chopping off, head, heads, punishments, obstacle, obstacles, courtier, courtiers, pros, cons, advantages, disadvantages
"I wish you'd get into the spirit of this thing, Brewster!"
Tags:warden, wardens, condemned, condemned man, spirit, spirits, prison, prisons, prisoner, prisoners, prison guard, prison guards, guard, guards, jail, jails, jailed, crime, criminal, crime and punishment, criminals, capital punishment, execution, execute, executes, executioner, executioners, death, dead, dying, dead man, dead man walking, death penalty, penalty, the chair, electric chair, electric chairs, smile, smiling, content, contented, content with his lot
"We've enjoyed our little visit, son, but we'd better leave—I think they're getting ready to fire."
Tags:firing squad, death, execution, dying, dies, died, execute, post, fires, shoot, shooting, parent, parents, unhelpful, visit, visiting, gun, guns, prison, prisoners, capital punishment, capital punishments, family, families, military, firing squads, court marshal, court marshals, mum, mums, mom, moms, mother, mothers, father, fathers, dad, dads
"If your guys aren't going to show, let's just call it a day."
Tags:firing, firing squad, gun, guns, death, deaths, dead, dying, died, kill, killed, firing line, execute, execution, executions, war, wars, military, militarise, militarism, militaristic, militia, militias, executioner, executioners, wall, capital, capital punishment, martial law, martial, violence, violence, late, lateness, tardy, tardiness, punctual, punctuality, dark, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, gallows humour, gallows humor, dead, deadpan
"Yeah? Well, I sentence you to death!"
Tags:relationship, relationships, relationship issues, relationship problems, unhealthy relationship, unhealthy relationships, unhappy relationship, unhappy relationships, love, hate, marriage, marriages, married life, unhappy marriage, unhappy marriages, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, argument, arguments, arguing, fight, fights, fighting, conflict, conflicts, court, courts, trial, trials, legal system, justice system, law, judge, judges, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellors, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, solicitor, solicitors, barrister, barristers, legal counsel, sentence, sentences, sentencing, punishments, capital punishment, execution, executions, death sentence, death sentences, justice
Who Wants To Be Regis?
Tags:regis philbin, host, hosts, hosting, tv host, tv hosts, talk show, talk shows, talk show host, talk show hosts, game show, game shows, game show host, game show hosts, hosting, arrest, arrests, arrested, final answer, catchphrase, catchphrases, murder, murders, murder trial, murder trials, murderer, murderers, murdering, kill, kills, killer, killing, capital punishment, death penalty
"There's a lesson for us. If you don't chop off a few heads now and then, you'll end up paying taxes."
Tags:lesson, lessons, life lesson, life lessons, elite, elites, elitist, elitists, elitism, tax, taxes, tax season, tax seasons, tax avoidance, tax avoidance scheme, taxation, pragmatic, pragmatism, pragmatist, pragmatists, capital punishment, debt collector, debt collectors, king, kings, moneyed power, moneyed powers, murder, murders, murdering, kill, kills, killing
"I guess my wife couldn't make it."
"If it's any consolation, that was an amazing impression of the king."
Tags:jester, jesters, joker, jokers, fool, fools, court, courts, royal court, royal courts, king, kings, ruler, rulers, monarch, monarchs, sovereign, sovereigns, royal, royalty, consolation, comfort, amazing, great, talented, impression, impressions, impersonation, impersonations, imitation, imitations, joke, jokes, execution, executions, capital punishment, punishments, consequence, consequences, executioner, executioners, decapitation, decapitations, took the joke too far, taking a joke too far, bad joke, bad jokes, comedian, comedians, bad comedian, bad comedians, history, medieval
"Everything's more fun with Muppets!"
Tags:execution, executions, children's show, children's shows, childrens show, childrens shows, kid, kids, audience, audiences, child, children, inappropriate, cute, evil, fun, guillotine, capital punishment, death penalty, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, lighten up, lightening up, shock, offense, offence
"I'm sorry, but I'm morally and politically opposed to hangman."
Tags:hangman, games, game, childs games, childrens games, play, playing, child, children, childhood, modern childhood, precocious child, precocious children, death penalty, capital punishment, hang, hanging, state violence, moral stand, moral stands, abolish death penalty, abolish, liberal views, liberals, liberal, bleeding-heart liberal
Catwalk The Plank
Tags:pun, puns, punny, pirate, pirate ships, pirate ship, yarr, walk the plank, plank, the plank, capital punishment, sentence to death, model, models, modelling, fashion, fashionable, fashions, runway, runways, catwalk, cat-walk, cat walk, pose, posing, poses, strut, strutting, couture, coutures, fashion show, fashion shows, parody, parodied, parodies