Clinic Cartoons

"Science is baffled. I hope you're happy."

"Worse."

"You should just feel a tiny prick, and then a lifetime of morphine addiction."

"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."

"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."

THE DOCTOR'S DILEMMA

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

"But think of all the things you're not going to die of."

"The ultrasound showed it wasn't a pearl, but I am pregnant."

"It's not just me, Doctor. He's been turning away from the New York 'Times' as well."

"It's pronounced 'hee-la' monster. The 'g' sounds like an 'h.' "

"Your skin. Genuine Leather."

"I'd like you to see a botanist. You exhibit many of the symptoms of Dutch elm disease."

"Uninsured? That needn't be a problem. We can refer you to a very fine doctor in Ottawa."

"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."

"We're out of flu shots."

"You both appear to be in excellent health."

"I'll want to run a few tests on you, just to cover my ass."

"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."

"It takes a while to kick in, but it should do nothing."

"I don't think it's anything serious, but, just to be sure, I'm going to bill you as if it is."

"You're clinically boring."

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"Congressman, you need a junket."

"You have a serious illness of an undisclosed nature."