"Science is baffled. I hope you're happy."
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check-up, check up, check ups, check-ups, check, checks, doctor, doctors, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, clinic, clinics, physician, physical, physical exam, exam, examination, appointment, appointments, doctor, doctors, healthy, healthily, healthy lifestyle, lifestyle, lifestyles, lifestyle change, get well, get well soon, baffled, baffle, visual gag, line, lines, abstract, squiggle, squiggly, science is"Worse."
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snellen chart, vision, visual, optics, optical, optician, opticians, doctor, doctors, interrogation, gunman, gun to head, gun to his head, interrogate, interrogates, optomologist, optomologists, optometrist, optometrists, eye, eyes, glasses, exam, examination, examinations, kidnap, kidnapped, on pain of death, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, get well, get well soon"You should just feel a tiny prick, and then a lifetime of morphine addiction."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, nurse, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, needle, needles, injection, injections, syringe, syringes, pain, painkillers, painkiller, morphine, addict, addicts, addiction, prick, lifetime, lifetimes, drug abuse, medicine abuse, opiate, opiates, opioid, opioids, opiate abuse, opioid abuse"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosis, diagnoses, treatment, treatments, cure, cures, drug, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical, medicines, meds, prescription, prescriptions, pill, pills, antibiotic, antibiotics, infection, infections, strategy, strategies, military, general, generals, officer, officers, troop, troops, war, wars, plan of attack, answer, answers"We got him onto an exercise bike, but I'm afraid it was too late."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, waiting area, waiting areas, waiting room, waiting rooms, death, dead, relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, too late, dead husband, dead husbands, widow, widows, unhealthy, fitness, exercise, exercising, gym equipment, exercise equipment, exercise machine, exercise machines, exercise bike, exercise bikes, bad news, obesity crisis, obesity, overweightTHE DOCTOR'S DILEMMA
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doctor, doctors, medicine, medical, medicals, examine, examines, clinic, hospital, hospitals, house call, house calls, house-call, house-calls, patient, patients, relationship, relationships, marriage, married, husband, husbands, wife, wives, professionalism, examination, diagnosis, treatment, dilemma, dilemmas, decision, difficult, difficulty, easy, unnecessary"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, pain, in pain, describe, examination, examinations, symptom, symptoms, dull, throbbing, sharp, knife, stabbing, anti-social, antisocial, psychology, mental health, therapy, therapist, therapists, shrink, shrinks, psychology, psychologist, psychologists, psychiatry, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, counselor, counselors, counseling, counsellor, counsellors, counselling"But think of all the things you're not going to die of."
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bearer, bearer of bad news, bad news, terminal, terminally, terminal illness, illness, ill, sick, sickness, healthy, medically, doctor, doctors, consultant, consulting, depressed, depressing, depression, mortality, mortal, get well, get well soon, morbid, morbidly, gallows humor, gallows humour, death, dead, dying, die, died, die of, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, check up, check-up, appointment"The ultrasound showed it wasn't a pearl, but I am pregnant."
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animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, clam, clams, oyster, oysters, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, radiologist, radiologists, radiology, ultrasound, ultrasounds, technician, technicians, ultrasonography, obstetric ultrasound, obstetric sonography, sonographer, sonographers, sonogram, sonograms, baby, babies, pregnancy, pregnancies, pearl, pearls"It's not just me, Doctor. He's been turning away from the New York 'Times' as well."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, health, symptom, symptoms, ill, illness, sick, sickness, exam, exams, examination, examinations, turning away, refusing, mental health, depression, depressed, sad, problem, problems, news, newspaper, newspapers, journalism, media, new york, ny, strange behavior, strange behaviour, unusual behavior, unusual behaviour, worried, relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses"It's pronounced 'hee-la' monster. The 'g' sounds like an 'h.' "
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, animal, animals, lizard, lizards, reptile, reptiles, gila monster, gila monsters, language, languages, pronunciation, english, unhelpful, wasting time, biting, bite, emergency, emergencies"Your skin. Genuine Leather."
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cow, cows, leather, genuine leather, cattle, skin condition, skin conditions, bad skin, doctor, doctors, md, mds, m.d.s, m.d., gp, gps, g.p.s, g.p., general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, clinic, clinics, doctors clinic, doctors clinics, doctor's clinic, doctor's clinics, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, farm animal, farm animals, doctor's appointments"I'd like you to see a botanist. You exhibit many of the symptoms of Dutch elm disease."
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doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, md, mds, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, diagnose, diagnosis, diagnoses, botany, botanist, botanists, dutch elm disease, symptom, symptoms, second opinion, second opinions, refer, referral, referrals, elm tree, elm trees, ded, fungi, fungus, elm, elms, tree disease, tree diseases, plant doctor, plant doctors"Uninsured? That needn't be a problem. We can refer you to a very fine doctor in Ottawa."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, bill, bills, money, medical bill, medical bills, medical costs, cost, costs, expenses, expensive, medical billing, health insurance, universal healthcare, universal health care, socialised medicine, socialized medicine, socialised healthcare, socialised health care, socialized healthcare, socialized health care, medicaid, medicare, obamacare, health coverage, uninsured, no insurance, no heath insurance, no health coverage, receptionist, receptionists, ottawa, canada, canadian, referral, referrals, international, medical tourism, medical tourist, medical tourists"My approach is nontraditional, but from a uniquely Western perspective."
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western world, the west, middle class, the middle glasses, wine, wines, self medicate, self medication, self-medicate, self-medication, prescription, prescriptions, , doctor, doctors, md, mds, m.d.s, m.d., gp, gps, g.p.s, g.p., general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, clinic, clinics, doctors clinic, doctors clinics, doctor's clinic, doctor's clinics, hospital, luxury, luxuries, little luxuries, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments"We're out of flu shots."
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clinic, clinics, doctor, doctors, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, md, mds, doctors surgery, doctor's surgery, doctor's surgeries, doctors surgeries, flu shot, flu shots, flu-shot, flu-shots, flu jab, flu jabs, flu-jabs, flu-jab, tissue, tissue, box of tissues, replacement, replacements, substitute, substitution, substituting, substitutions, inadequate, inadequacy, unreliable, unreliability, health care, underfunded, cut backs, cutbacks, cut back, cutbacks, public spending, public spending cuts"You both appear to be in excellent health."
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animal, animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, cat, cats, feline, felines, cat owner, cat owners, cat lady, cat ladies, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, examination, examinations, exam, exams, healthy, vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, animal doctor, animal doctors, vet clinic, vet clinics, animal hospital, animal hospitals, veterinarian clinic, veterinarian clinics"It's a simple stress test - I do your blood work, send it to the lab, and never get back to you with the results."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, test, tests, testing, stress test, stress tests, bloodwork, blood work, sample, samples, blood, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories, result, results, medical testing, medical test, medical tests, stressful, wait, waits, waiting, wait time, wait times, incompetent, incompetents, incompetence, call, calls, calling, modern life"I'll want to run a few tests on you, just to cover my ass."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, test, tests, testing, medical test, medical tests, medical testing, examination, examinations, ethic, ethics, cover, bad doctor, bad doctors, questionable, suspicious, bad sign, bad signs"It takes a while to kick in, but it should do nothing."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, drug, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical, medicine, medicines, meds, medication, medications, prescription, prescriptions, pill, pills, placebo, placebos, nothing, useless, pointless, unhelpful, treatment, treatments, cure, cures"I don't think it's anything serious, but, just to be sure, I'm going to bill you as if it is."
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medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, doctor's office, doctor's offices, doctor's clinic, doctor's clinics, clinic, clinics, hospital, hospitals, health, healthcare, health care, health insurance, bill, bills, billing, money, expensive, cost, costs, medical care, treatment, treatments, ill, sick, illness, medical costs, minor illness, serious illness, serious, diagnosis, diagnoses"You're clinically boring."
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diagnosis, medical diagnosis, clinical diagnosis, doctor, doctors, md, mds, gp, general practitioner, general practitioners, clinic, clinics, walk in clinics, walk in clinic, appointment, appointments, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, boring, bored, boring people, boring person, dull, dull people, dull person, tedious people, tedious person, tedious, uninteresting people, uninteresting, uninteresting person, insult, insulted, incorrect diagnosis, wrong diagnosis, misdiagnosis, diagnois error"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, bloodwork, blood work, test, tests, testing, blood test, blood tests, blood testing, lab work, lab result, lab results, result, results, yucky, gross, icky, language"You have a serious illness of an undisclosed nature."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosis, diagnoses, serious illness, ill, illness, sick, sickness, undisclosed, secret, secrets, unknown, death, terminal illness, obituary, obituaries, word play, wordplay, black humor, black humour, dark humor, dark humour"Congressman, you need a junket."
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hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosis, diagnoses, prescribing, prescription, prescriptions, treatment, treatments, cure, cures, health, politics, politician, politicians, congressman, congressmen, representative, representatives, house of representatives, congress, united states, us, u.s., united states of america, usa, u.s.a., american, america, american politics, junket, junkets, trip, rips, tour, tours, event, events, celebration, celebrations, government, governments, government official, government officials, elected official, elected officials, public funds, tax, taxes, tax money, waste of money, spending public fund, spending tax money, wasteful spending