Conceit Cartoons

"But I see you're having difficulty following my argument."

"Why buy and Idaho spud when you can have a potato of distinction that grows only in the soil of northern France?"

"I've learned not to listen to critics who are right about me."

"I just have a few minor fixes that will ruin everything you've come up with."

"I'm telling you, Harper, we're in the wrong business."

"You've got to learn how to bowl without irony."

Film Critic

"The reviews said the reviewers were very clever."

"There are those who say I'm a throwback to Monet."

"As far as I'm concerned, it just takes my kind."

"I like our place in the country, but the only dogs I enjoy hanging out with there are also up from the city."

"The U.S.S. Narcissus"

"Lucy tells me you're a writer. I'm no stranger to self-delusion myself."

"I'm frustrated because I wish I were criticizing greater things."

"Perfect. Kate and Eli are suckers for bold graphics."

" 'Perceptual and kinetic art have an intertwined development that cannot be totally disentangled; nevertheless perceptual, optical, or "virtual" movement—which always exists in tension with factual immobility—is an experience of a different order.' "

The Red Carpet

"Relax—we'd know."

"You can't beat live music."

"Do you know why the universe works so well? God runs it like a business, that's why."

"Good point, Remson. You couldn't be more right if you were me."

"I mean, like in painting, we'd be called a 'school'."

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

Ask Me about my Break from Social Media

"I brought out the meekness in others."