"I love these bipartisan gatherings, don't you?"
Tags:bipartisan, bipartisanship, myth, myths, mythology, mythological creature, mythological creatures, faun, centaur, griffin, gryphon, winged serpent, angel, christian, christianity, pagan, pagans, gather, gathers, gathering, interfaith, multi-faith, congregation, congregations, get-together, get-togethers, party, parties, partying
Follow God On Twitter
"Do you guys need a wacky, fun-loving jokester for your crew? I can make silly sounds."
Tags:bird, birds, migration, migrating, geese, goose, toucan, toucans, personality, joke, jokes, silly, wacky, wacky, migrate, fly, flying, flock, flocks, congregation, flock of birds, joker, jokers, joking, fun, fun-loving, fun loving, friend, friends, making friends, making friend, making a friend, left out, crew, crews, group, groups, friendly, over friendly, over-friendly
"I'm between congregations."
Tags:conman, conmen, con man, con men, con-man, con-men, con, cons, scam, scams, scam artist, scam artists, preacher, preachers, minister, ministers, vicar, vicars, priest, priests, evangelical, evangelicals, congregation, congregations, follower, followers, spiritual leader, spiritual leaders, religious leader, religious leaders, prisoner, prisoners, prison, prisons, jail, jails, crimes, criminal, criminals
"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."
Tags:meek, shall inherit the earth, sermon on the mount, sermon, sermons, christ, jesus christ, sermon, sermons, minister, ministers, reverend, reverends, priest, priests, unholy, sunday, church, churches, churchgoer, churchgoers, blasphemy, blasphemer, congregation, congregations, greed, greedy, greediness, modern life, modern times
"This is an old, upper-middle-class white spiritual."
Tags:day of rest, days of rest, sabbath, atone, atones, atonement, casual dress, casual dresses, dressing, sermon, sermons, sunday, sunday mass, sunday masses, sunday service, sunday services, services, church, churchgoer, churchgoers, churchgoing, hawaiian print, congregation, congregations, seventh day, day of rest, days of rest, casual dress, casual wear
"Stop me if you've heard this one before."
Tags:religion, religious, religious imagery, pulpit, pulpits, church, churches, religions, preach, preaching, preacher, preachers, preached, pastor, pastors, priest, priests, sermon, sermons, story, long, long and boring, boring, bore, bored, heard this, heard before, repeat, repeated, repetitive, irony, ironic, ironically, sunday, christian, christianity, altar, congregation, communication, communicate, storytelling, skill, skills
"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"
Two Jewish temples on a desert island: one advertises it's "Orthodox congregation" while the other advertises it's "Reform Congregation".
Tags:judaism, jewish, orthodox judaism, orthodox jew, reform judaism, reform jew, reform jews, temple, temples, synagogue, synagogues, relaxed, strict, informal, formal, desert island, desert islands, choice, choices, congregation, congregations, religious politics, religious, religion, shpasik, jtoons
"The congregation wants you to know we think you have a very nice speaking voice..."
"Sheldon is having a mid-life crisis. He can't decide whether to remain Reform, become Orthodox or return to Conservative."
Tags:religion, religious, religious politics, judaism, reform judaism, orthodox judaism, conservative judaism, masorti judaism, denomination, denominations, congregation, congregations, decision, decisions, deciding, choosing, choice, choices, midlife crisis, mid-life crisis, unsure, uncertain, middle age, middle-age, middle aged, middle-aged
"And to those of you who did contribute to the church fund—our blessings."
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, priest, priests, minister, ministers, pastor, pastors, clergyman, clergymen, reverend, reverends, sermon, sermons, parish, congregation, congregations, parishioner, parishioners, church-goer, church-goers, sick, sickness, ill, illness, disease, diseases, death, dying, church fund, church funds, donation, donations, offering, offerings, money, punishments, blessing, blessings, money-hungry, greedy, greed, sins, grotesque
Sunday Sermon: Does God Prefer Particular Sports Teams?
"Hey, man, you didn't have to mention me by name."
"Hey, you know those collective nouns are just a bunch of crap, right?"
"It saddens me to think that so many of my customers are going to hell."
Preaching to the Choir Since 1846
"Remember that it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven
Tags:eye of a needle, priest, priests, vicar, vicars, mass, church service, church services, church, churches, empty church, empty churches, preacher, preachers, preaching, preach, sermon, sermons, sermonising, congregation, congregations, dog biscuit, dog biscuits, dog, dogs, dog lover, dog lovers, dog owner, dog owners, dog person, dog people
"I just want to take a minute today to acknowledge all the guys out there named Bret who are too shy to correct people who think their name is Brad."
"Before we end service today, just a reminder to you good Christians to vote for Roy Moore in the Senate race."
Tags:pastor, pastors, congregation, congregations, church, churches, church service, church services, christian, christians, senate election, senate elections, senate race, 2017 senate elections, 2017 senate race, roy moore, moore, disgraced politician, disgraced politicians, abortion laws, anti-abortion politician, anti-abortion politicians, anti-abortion, hypocrisy, hypocritical, hypocrite, hypocrites