"Call my attorney and say that I killed Ted in self-defense. Call my publicist and say that I wish Ted the best of luck in all his future endeavors."
"All dogs go to Heaven, because we're not the ones who screwed up."
"I knew I smelled something funny."
"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."
Tags:pet, pets, cat, cats, will, wills, death, dying, deathbed, death bed, deaths, everyone leave, leave, leaving, wish, wishes, final wish, final wishes, last wish, last wishes, final-wish, last-wish, final-wishes, last-wishes, cat, family, families, love, important, importance, priority, priorities
"I always lived vicariously. Why can't I die vicariously?"
Tags:living vicariously, lived vicariously, vicarious living, deathbed, deathbeds, death bed, death beds, surrogate, surrogates, surrogacy, deaths, dying, died, die, dies, life choice, life choices, fear of death, thanatophobia, phobia, phobias, avoidance technique, avoidance techniques, avoidance tactic, avoidance tactics
A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.
Tags:parking meter, parking meters, expire, expires, expiring, expiration, die, dies, dying, death, deaths, car, cars, auto, autos, automobile, automobiles, soul, souls, ascend, ascends, ascending, ascension, 21 grams, 21 grams theory, angel, angels, afterlife, afterlives, soul escaping, soul death, expired meter, expired meters, parking ticket, parking tickets
"The Sudden, Sure Knowledge That One's Best Efforts Have Come To Naught."
Tags:effort, efforts, death, deaths, die, dies, deadly, escape, vaudeville, song-and-dance, grim reapers, grim-reapers, grim reaper, grim-reaper, audience, audiences, dying, dies, cheating death, cheats death, performance, performed, barbershop music, barbershop, disappointed, disappointed, fail, failed, effort, efforts
"Mind if I turn my hearing aid down?"
Tags:firing, firing squad, gun, guns, death, deaths, dead, dying, died, kill, killed, firing line, execute, execution, executions, war, wars, military, militarise, militarism, militaristic, militia, militias, executioner, executioners, wall, capital, capital punishment, martial law, martial, violence, violence, late, lateness, tardy, tardiness, punctual, punctuality, dark, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, gallows humour, gallows humor, dead, deadpan, hearing, hearing aid, deaf, deafness
"I need to wait until the euphoria wears off before I start dating again."
Tags:death, date, dating, dates, euphoria, happy, happiness, reaction, reactions, sad, sadness, grief, grieving, relationship, relationships, funeral, funerals, mourn, mourns, mourning, deaths, died, dies, unusual reaction, wait, waiting, waits, waited, widow, widowed, widows, widowing, widower, widowers, husband, husbands, wife, wives, married, marriage
"No, this isn't a book signing."
"Hi! Im the bluebird of death."
"As you know, Russian roulette is not a game to be taken lightly."
"Someone to collect your works, dear."
Tags:grim, grims, grim reaper, grim reapers, reaper, reapers, angel of death, embodiment of death, writer, writers, author, authors, novel, novels, novelist, novelists, literary figure, literary figures, literary ambitions, deaths, dark humour, dark humor, literary collection, literary collections, literary endeavours
"All we know is it happened between the hours of 9 A.M. and 4 P.M."
"It's your mother. She's floated back."
Tags:mother, mothers, mom, moms, mum, mums, ice flow, ice flows, ice floe, ice floes, eskimos, inuit, inuits, yupik, yupiks, mother in law, mothers in law, float, floats, float away, floats away, floating away, exile, exiles, exiled, sent away, die, dies, dying, death, deaths, in-law, in-laws, return, returns, returning
"Couldn't I do a couple of hundred hours of community service instead?"
For Their Own Good.
Tags:death, deaths, hide, secret, secrets, trick, tricks, ethics, ethical, moral, morals, lies, lie, mislead, misleading, not ready, children, child, kid, kids, naive, naivety, deceive, deceiving, belgian congo, need to know, false, fabrication, fabrications, hides, hiding, protecting, protection, protect
"Oh, well, this is going to be awkward."
"They suspect foul play."
Tags:foul play, murder, murders, crime, crimes, coffin, coffins, obvious, smother, smothered, strangle, asphyxiate, strangled, strangles, smothers, pillow, pillows, funeral, funerals, funeral parlor, mourning, mourners, mourner, suspect, crime, crimes, criminal, death, deaths, die, died, dying, suspicious death, suspicious deaths
"They're very time-sensitive."
Tags:alien, aliens, death, deaths, ufo, u.f.o., grave, graves, graveyard, graveyards, dead, dies, dying, age, aging, old age, degenerate, health, healthy, gravestone, gravestones, extra terrestrial, extra-terrestrial, et, e.t., inferior, weak, weaker, space, martian, martians, spaceship, spaceships, space travel
"If your guys aren't going to show, let's just call it a day."
Tags:firing, firing squad, gun, guns, death, deaths, dead, dying, died, kill, killed, firing line, execute, execution, executions, war, wars, military, militarise, militarism, militaristic, militia, militias, executioner, executioners, wall, capital, capital punishment, martial law, martial, violence, violence, late, lateness, tardy, tardiness, punctual, punctuality, dark, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, gallows humour, gallows humor, dead, deadpan
"What's tough is having to build a new power base from scratch."
Tags:angel, angels, dying, dead, deaths, restart, restarting, start up, start ups, fresh start, fresh starts, starting over, power, powerful, hierarchy, hierarchies, business hierarchy, business hierarchies, executive, executives, business executive, business executives, manager, managers, business manager, business managers, priorities, wrong priorities, bad priorities, modern life, modern attitudes, modern time, rat race, the rat race