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The World's Easiest Airport
Places you want to go, but can't vs. places you have to go, but don't want to.
Arrivals: 'Check out our web site at www.air.arr'Departures: 'Check out our web site at www.air.dep'
"As a frequent flier, you'll be entitled to stay in our airport lounge for up to a week during delays."
"Before we begin, I'd like to say that in thirty years as an attorney, I've never encountered a more interesting departure from the standard last will and testament."
"Attention passengers. Ticket holders in sections B through C will now be herded onto the plane with cattle prods."
"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."