Diagnose Cartoons

"I'm afraid you're retaining lawyers."

"The machine's done something really weird to Mr. Hendrickson."

"Please, honey, I'm with a patient, and I've asked you not to call me on this line."

"This patient has a rare form of medical insurance."

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

"We're pretty sure it's the West Nile Virus."

"You wear too many clothes."

"You made that diagnosis just to be mean."

"Good news. The test results show it's a metaphor."

"You have achieved Nirvana, Mr. Harper, and a bad case of tennis knee."

"Here's a study for you, Doctor - he faints."

"I'd like you to see a botanist. You exhibit many of the symptoms of Dutch elm disease."

Guess your weight-related illness.

"Well, now that you have it, you can stop worrying about getting it."

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"

"She's a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality—and I can say that because I'm a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality myself."

"I'm afraid you have humans."

"You should take it easy for a while, Mr. Harner. You've been infected by the virus of hate."

"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."

"I'm afraid you've had a paradigm shift."

"It's a soul patch, but luckily we've caught it early."

"Now I see your problem—linear thought."

"It's not our policy to disclose details of a future operation."

"I'm sorry--I'm a left-foot podiatrist."