"I'm afraid you're retaining lawyers."
"The machine's done something really weird to Mr. Hendrickson."
"Please, honey, I'm with a patient, and I've asked you not to call me on this line."
Tags:stethoscope, stethoscopes, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, work, working, family, families, partner, partners, phone call, phone calls, call, calls, this line, line, lines, impossible, absurd, works, medical, medicine, medicines, phonecall, phonecalls, calling at work, emergency, treating, diagnose, diagnosing, equipment
"This patient has a rare form of medical insurance."
Tags:health insurance, insurance, insurances, health plan, health plans, healthcare plan, healthcare plans, health-care, healthcare coverage, health-care cover, health-care coverage, health care cover, healthcare cover, doctor, doctors, medical, medicine, diagnosis, diagnose, medicaid, hospital, hospitals, hospital bed, priority, priorities
"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."
"We're pretty sure it's the West Nile Virus."
Tags:egypt, egyptian, egyptians, mummy, mummies, pharaoh, pharaohs, outbreak, outbreaks, west nile, west nile virus, virus, viruses, disease, diseases, pandemic, pandemics, epidemic, epidemics, flu, influenza, cold, colds, common cold, common colds, telltale sign, telltale signs, sign, signs, diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnose, mosquito, mosquitoes, mosquito bite, mosquito bites, doctor, doctors
"You wear too many clothes."
"You made that diagnosis just to be mean."
"Good news. The test results show it's a metaphor."
Tags:test, tests, test result, test results, idiom, idioms, expression, expressions, saying, sayings, metaphor, metaphors, metaphorical, literal, literally, backstabber, backstabbers, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnosing, physician, physicians, doctor, doctors, stab, stabbed, stabbing, stabbings, medical, medical diagnosis, good news
"You have achieved Nirvana, Mr. Harper, and a bad case of tennis knee."
Tags:nirvana, achieve nirvana, achieving nirvana, buddhist, buddhists, buddhism, diagnose, diagnosing, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, enlightenment, enlightened, enlightening, religious, philosophy, philosophies, philosopher, philosophers, tennis elbow, tennis injury, tennis injuries, ailment, ailments, minor ailment, minor ailments
"Here's a study for you, Doctor - he faints."
"I'd like you to see a botanist. You exhibit many of the symptoms of Dutch elm disease."
Tags:doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, md, mds, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, diagnose, diagnosis, diagnoses, botany, botanist, botanists, dutch elm disease, symptom, symptoms, second opinion, second opinions, refer, referral, referrals, elm tree, elm trees, ded, fungi, fungus, elm, elms, tree disease, tree diseases, plant doctor, plant doctors
Guess your weight-related illness.
Tags:amusement park, amusement parks, scales, guess your weight, guessing your weight, carnival, carnivals, carnival game, carnival games, fair, fairs, weigh, weight, weights, heavy, heaviness, obese, obesity, obesity epidemic, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, health problem, health problems, heart condition, heart conditions, heart attack, heart attacks, heat disease, heart diseases, diagnose, diagnosis, diagnosing
"Well, now that you have it, you can stop worrying about getting it."
Tags:doctor, doctors, consolation, unhelpful, medicine, medical, diagnose, diagnosis, worry, worries, patient, patients, worrying, contract, contracted, worried, not helpful, counterproductive, unprofessional, bad, bad medicine, worries, fear, fearful, fears, doctors office, prognosis, treatment, treatments
"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."
Tags:mechanic, mechanics, repair, repairing, workshop, workshops, work shop, work shops, engineer, engineers, diagnose, diagnosis, problem, problems, broken, broke, car, cars, motor, motors, motorcars, motorcar, engine, engines, carburetor, understatement, obvious, clear, expert, technician, technicians, repairman, repairmen, clearly, obviously, jargon, garage, garages
"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"
Tags:self-diagnosis, self-diagnosing, internet search, internet searches, search, searches, searching, symptom, symptoms, symptomatic, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, self-help, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, expert, experts, expertise, medical advice, medical advisor, medical advisors, medical adviser, medical advisers, modern life, modern times, worry, worries, worrying, concern, concerns, concerning
"She's a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality—and I can say that because I'm a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality myself."
Tags:gossip, gossips, gossiping, mental health, mental health problem, mental health problems, delusion, delusions, delusional, borderline, borderline personality, borderline personalities, psychopath, psychopaths, psychopathic, ego, ego driven, takes one to know one, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis
"I'm afraid you have humans."
Tags:environmentalism, environmentalist, environmentalists, human, mankind, pollute, pollutes, polluting, pollution, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, human activity, climate change, global warming, environmental destruction, extinct, extinction, mass extinction, extinction level event, parasite, parasites, pest, pests, bad news, breaking bad news
"You should take it easy for a while, Mr. Harner. You've been infected by the virus of hate."
Tags:hate, hatred, anger, furious, curmudgeon, curmudgeons, curmudgeonly, grump, grumps, grumpy, enraged, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosed, examination, examinations, medical exam, medical exams, irate, irritate, irritates, irritating, irritation, irritations, personality, personality type, personality types, virus, viruses
"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."
Tags:cantankerous, doctor, doctors, old age, grow old, growing old, crotchety, old man, old men, grump, grumps, grumpy, grumpiness, surly, temper, tantrum, tantrums, pain in the butt, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnosing, appointment, appointments, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, oap, old age pensioner, pensioner, pensioners
"I'm afraid you've had a paradigm shift."
Tags:paradigm, paradigms, paradigm shift, paradigm shifts, diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnose, jargon, business jargon, business speak, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, doctor, doctors, doctor's office, doctors office, physician, physicians, gobbledegook, disease, diseases, rare disease, rare diseases, illness, illnesses
"It's a soul patch, but luckily we've caught it early."
Tags:soul patch, soul patches, facial hair, beard, beards, hair, out of style, not stylish, jazz dot, uncool, out of date, fashion, fashion police, diagnose, diagnosis, doctor, doctors, nurse, medical, medical professionals, medical professional, hospital, hospitals, medical center, medical centers, medical centre, medical centres, doctor's office, doctor's offices, patient, patients, evaluation, trendy, trend setting, fashionable
"Now I see your problem—linear thought."
"It's not our policy to disclose details of a future operation."
Tags:physician, physicians, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, doctor visit, doctor visits, doctor office, hospital, hospitals, health-care, healthcare, health care, diagnose, diagnosis, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, surgeries, bedside manner, bedside manners, consult, medical consult, malpractice, medical malpractice, policy, policies, prediction, predictions, indemnify, indemnification, national health
"I'm sorry--I'm a left-foot podiatrist."
Tags:podiatrist, podiatrists, podiatry, specialist, specialists, special, specials, expert, expertise, experts, area of expertise, physician, physicians, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, doctor visit, doctor visits, doctor office, hospital, hospitals, health-care, healthcare, health care, diagnose, diagnosis, patient, patients