"The ringing in your ears-I think I can help."
Tags:tinnitus, ring, rings, ringing, ear, ears, ear trouble, ear troubles, ear problem, ear problems, ear infection, ear infections, cow, cows, cattle, cowbell, cowbells, cow bell, cow bells, bell, bells, diagnosis, diagnoses, checkup, checkups, check up, check ups, doctor, doctors, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, family doctor, family doctors
"We think it has something to do with your genome."
Tags:doctors, doctors and patients, genome, dna, genetic engineering, insects, sci fi, medical, problems, modern life, modern living, genetic abnormality, genetic abnormalities, genetic illness, genetic illnesses, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, gene, genes, kafka, kafkaesque, franz kafka, metamorphosis, diagnosis, diagnoses, mankoff
"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosis, diagnoses, treatment, treatments, cure, cures, drug, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical, medicines, meds, prescription, prescriptions, pill, pills, antibiotic, antibiotics, infection, infections, strategy, strategies, military, general, generals, officer, officers, troop, troops, war, wars, plan of attack, answer, answers
"The good news is that you will have a healthy baby girl. The bad news is that she is a congenital liar."
Tags:in vitro, in vitro test, in vitro testing, pregnancy, pregnancies, pegnant, liar, liars, impuslive liar, impulsive liars, congenital, congenital liar, congenital liars, genetic illness, genetic illnesses, genetics, diagnosis, ob-gyn, ob-gyns, obstetrician, obstetricians, gynecologists, parent, parents, parenting, baby girl, baby girls, lie, liar, liars, fib, fibs, fibbing, bad news, diagnosis, diagnoses
"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."
Tags:early detection, diagnosis, diagnoses, medical advance, medical advances, terminal, terminal illness, terminal illnesses, uncurable, condition, conditions, pearly gates, afterlife, st. peter, saint peter, heaven, heaven's gate, rare disease, rare diseases, disease, diseases, illness, illnesses, sickness, sick, prolonging life
"Your skin is enlarged."
"You have a condition whose name is very hard to remember."
"We're pretty sure it's the West Nile Virus."
Tags:egypt, egyptian, egyptians, mummy, mummies, pharaoh, pharaohs, outbreak, outbreaks, west nile, west nile virus, virus, viruses, disease, diseases, pandemic, pandemics, epidemic, epidemics, flu, influenza, cold, colds, common cold, common colds, telltale sign, telltale signs, sign, signs, diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnose, mosquito, mosquitoes, mosquito bite, mosquito bites, doctor, doctors
"You wear too many clothes."
"This will buy you four months.
Tags:doctor, doctors, shot, shots, injection, injections, drug, pharmaceutical, pharmaceuticals, big pharma, prescription, prescriptions, medical problem, medical problems, disease, diseases, illness, illnesses, booster, booster shot, booster shots, vaccine, vaccines, vaccination, vaccinations, buy time, buys time, buying time, terminal, terminal illness, terminal illnesses, diagnosis, prognosis, prognoses, diagnoses, physician, physicians, comfort, comforting, bedside manner
"Well, your nose feels cold."
Tags:dog, dogs, health, healthy, diagnosis, diagnoses, vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, nose, noses, dog nose, dog noses, cold, temperature, temperatures, checkup, checkups, checking up, high temperature, high temperatures, fever, fevers, pet, pets, pet health, animal doctor, animal doctors, animal hospital, animal hospitals
"He appears to have lost all of his resilience."
Tags:resilient, resilience, subservient, subservience, husband, husbands, backbone, backbones, spine, spines, wife, wives, doctor, doctors, diagnosis, diagnoses, spineless, weak, weakness, will, willpower, marriage, marriages, married life, married lives, long term relationship, long term relationships, spouse, spouses, self-esteem, self-confidence, mental health, mental health problem, mental health problems
"You have achieved Nirvana, Mr. Harper, and a bad case of tennis knee."
Tags:nirvana, achieve nirvana, achieving nirvana, buddhist, buddhists, buddhism, diagnose, diagnosing, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, enlightenment, enlightened, enlightening, religious, philosophy, philosophies, philosopher, philosophers, tennis elbow, tennis injury, tennis injuries, ailment, ailments, minor ailment, minor ailments
"Here's a study for you, Doctor - he faints."
"It's Lyme disease again."
Tags:santa, santa claus, father christmas, lyme, lyme disease, deer, reindeer, tick, ticks, deer tick, deer ticks, diagnosis, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, saint nick, saint nicholas, st. nick, st. nicholas, exposure, illness, illnesses, contagion, contagions, disease vector, disease vectors, transmission, disease transmission
"Please, Doc - nothing too aggressive. I'm kind of attached to my symptoms."
"I'd like you to see a botanist. You exhibit many of the symptoms of Dutch elm disease."
Tags:doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, md, mds, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, diagnose, diagnosis, diagnoses, botany, botanist, botanists, dutch elm disease, symptom, symptoms, second opinion, second opinions, refer, referral, referrals, elm tree, elm trees, ded, fungi, fungus, elm, elms, tree disease, tree diseases, plant doctor, plant doctors
"Your heart won't tolerate any more town-hall meetings."
Tags:town hall, town hall meeting, town hall meetings, diagnosis, diagnoses, heart problem, heart problems, heart trouble, heart troubles, local politics, local politician, local politicians, heart attack, heart attacks, mayor, mayors, city council, city councils, city councilman, city councilmen, protest, protests, protester, protesters, busybody, busybodies, complain, complains, complaint, complaints, whine, whines, whiny, whinge, whinges, whinging, moans, moaning
"It's lotto fever."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, medical, medicine, diagnosis, diagnoses, sick, sickness, ill, illness, bed-ridden, fever, fevers, running a fever, temperature, temperatures, thermometer, thermometers, number, numbers, lottery, lotteries, gambling, gambler, gamblers, jackpot, jackpots, money, lotto fever, prize, prizes, sweepstakes, lottery ticket, lottery tickets, playing the lottery, lottery addict, lottery addicts, lottery addiction, gambling addict, gambling addicts, gambling addiction, word play, wordplay
"I don't think it's anything serious, but, just to be sure, I'm going to bill you as if it is."
Tags:medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, doctor's office, doctor's offices, doctor's clinic, doctor's clinics, clinic, clinics, hospital, hospitals, health, healthcare, health care, health insurance, bill, bills, billing, money, expensive, cost, costs, medical care, treatment, treatments, ill, sick, illness, medical costs, minor illness, serious illness, serious, diagnosis, diagnoses
"If I'd only had the psychobabble then for what I have now."
"You have a serious illness of an undisclosed nature."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosis, diagnoses, serious illness, ill, illness, sick, sickness, undisclosed, secret, secrets, unknown, death, terminal illness, obituary, obituaries, word play, wordplay, black humor, black humour, dark humor, dark humour
"Congressman, you need a junket."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosis, diagnoses, prescribing, prescription, prescriptions, treatment, treatments, cure, cures, health, politics, politician, politicians, congressman, congressmen, representative, representatives, house of representatives, congress, united states, us, u.s., united states of america, usa, u.s.a., american, america, american politics, junket, junkets, trip, rips, tour, tours, event, events, celebration, celebrations, government, governments, government official, government officials, elected official, elected officials, public funds, tax, taxes, tax money, waste of money, spending public fund, spending tax money, wasteful spending
"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"
Tags:self-diagnosis, self-diagnosing, internet search, internet searches, search, searches, searching, symptom, symptoms, symptomatic, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, self-help, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, expert, experts, expertise, medical advice, medical advisor, medical advisors, medical adviser, medical advisers, modern life, modern times, worry, worries, worrying, concern, concerns, concerning
"She's a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality—and I can say that because I'm a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality myself."
Tags:gossip, gossips, gossiping, mental health, mental health problem, mental health problems, delusion, delusions, delusional, borderline, borderline personality, borderline personalities, psychopath, psychopaths, psychopathic, ego, ego driven, takes one to know one, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis