"I'm afraid you're retaining lawyers."
"Please, honey, I'm with a patient, and I've asked you not to call me on this line."
Tags:stethoscope, stethoscopes, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, work, working, family, families, partner, partners, phone call, phone calls, call, calls, this line, line, lines, impossible, absurd, works, medical, medicine, medicines, phonecall, phonecalls, calling at work, emergency, treating, diagnose, diagnosing, equipment
"Good news. The test results show it's a metaphor."
Tags:test, tests, test result, test results, idiom, idioms, expression, expressions, saying, sayings, metaphor, metaphors, metaphorical, literal, literally, backstabber, backstabbers, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnosing, physician, physicians, doctor, doctors, stab, stabbed, stabbing, stabbings, medical, medical diagnosis, good news
"You have achieved Nirvana, Mr. Harper, and a bad case of tennis knee."
Tags:nirvana, achieve nirvana, achieving nirvana, buddhist, buddhists, buddhism, diagnose, diagnosing, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, enlightenment, enlightened, enlightening, religious, philosophy, philosophies, philosopher, philosophers, tennis elbow, tennis injury, tennis injuries, ailment, ailments, minor ailment, minor ailments
"Here's a study for you, Doctor - he faints."
Guess your weight-related illness.
Tags:amusement park, amusement parks, scales, guess your weight, guessing your weight, carnival, carnivals, carnival game, carnival games, fair, fairs, weigh, weight, weights, heavy, heaviness, obese, obesity, obesity epidemic, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, health problem, health problems, heart condition, heart conditions, heart attack, heart attacks, heat disease, heart diseases, diagnose, diagnosis, diagnosing
"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"
Tags:self-diagnosis, self-diagnosing, internet search, internet searches, search, searches, searching, symptom, symptoms, symptomatic, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, hypochondria, self-help, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, expert, experts, expertise, medical advice, medical advisor, medical advisors, medical adviser, medical advisers, modern life, modern times, worry, worries, worrying, concern, concerns, concerning
"She's a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality—and I can say that because I'm a psychopathic, delusional, borderline personality myself."
Tags:gossip, gossips, gossiping, mental health, mental health problem, mental health problems, delusion, delusions, delusional, borderline, borderline personality, borderline personalities, psychopath, psychopaths, psychopathic, ego, ego driven, takes one to know one, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis
"I'm afraid you have humans."
Tags:environmentalism, environmentalist, environmentalists, human, mankind, pollute, pollutes, polluting, pollution, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, human activity, climate change, global warming, environmental destruction, extinct, extinction, mass extinction, extinction level event, parasite, parasites, pest, pests, bad news, breaking bad news
"You should take it easy for a while, Mr. Harner. You've been infected by the virus of hate."
Tags:hate, hatred, anger, furious, curmudgeon, curmudgeons, curmudgeonly, grump, grumps, grumpy, enraged, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosed, examination, examinations, medical exam, medical exams, irate, irritate, irritates, irritating, irritation, irritations, personality, personality type, personality types, virus, viruses
"There has been a sharp increase in his cantankerousness."
Tags:cantankerous, doctor, doctors, old age, grow old, growing old, crotchety, old man, old men, grump, grumps, grumpy, grumpiness, surly, temper, tantrum, tantrums, pain in the butt, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnosing, appointment, appointments, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens, oap, old age pensioner, pensioner, pensioners
"Now I see your problem—linear thought."
"I'm going to ask you a series of scary questions. When I'm done, let's see if you can guess why I'm asking them."
"We are all of the same opinion, Ms. Beckwith. What's more, we look like America."
Tags:diverse, diversity, diverse opinion, diverse opinions, second opinion, second opinions, diagnosis, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, diagnose, diagnosing, diagnostic, diagnostics, ethnicity, ethnicities, ethnic group, ethnic groups, race, races, nationality, nationalities, melting pot, melting pots, coalition, coalitions, same opinion, agree, agrees, agreement, agreements, agreeing, consensus, unanimous
"The exhaustive analysis of our nation's predicament has arrived."
Tags:predicament, predicaments, analysis, analyses, party, parties, cocktail party, cocktail parties, wealthy elite, wealthy elites, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, know-it-all, know-it-alls, bore, bores, social pariah, social pariahs, state of the world, opinion, opinions, opinionated, uninformed, strong opinion, strong opinions, outcast, outcasts, social outcast, social outcasts
"I know we agreed to a period of watchful waiting, but this is more watchful than I bargained for."
"It's the mark of Cain, but it's benign."
Tags:cain, mark of cain, curse, cursed, god, jehovah, genesis, book of genesis, bible story, bible stories, tumor, tumors, tumour, tumours, benign, malignant, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, doctor, doctors, oncology, oncologist, oncologists, prognosis, prognoses, old testament, torah, garden of eden
"Well, whatever you've got, this can't be helping."
Tags:help, helps, helping, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, stomach, stomachs, stomach trouble, stomach troubles, stomach problem, stomach problems, treatment, treatments, treatment option, treatment options, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, cure, cures, disease, diseases, cure is worse than the disease, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, diagnosed
"See that dog, Mr. Hendricks? That means you either have a shredded fan belt or your fuel pump is sucking air."
Tags:car, cars, vehicle, vehicles, automobile, automobile, garage, garages, workshop, workshops, service station, service stations, repair, repairs, mechanic, mechanics, auto mechanic, auto mechanics, car mechanic, car mechanics, motor mechanic, motor mechanics, automotive technician, automotive technicians, technician, technicians, car repairs, vehicle repairs, transportation, animal, animals, dog, dogs, canine, canines, sniffer dog, sniffer dogs, working dog, working dogs, diagnosis, diagnosing, fan belt, fuel pump, problem, problems, car trouble
"Anyhoo, it's malignant."
Tags:malignant, malignancy, cancer, cancer diagnosis, cancer diagnoses, oncologist, oncologists, oncology, bedside manner, sensitive, sensitivity, insensitive, insensitivity, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, rude, rudeness, impolite, thoughtless, anyhoo, casual, overly casual, exam, exams, examination, examinsation, patient, patients, diagnosis, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing
"Great news! We found a syndrome that fits your case like a glove."
Tags:syndrome, syndromes, mental health, mental health problem, mental health problems, incarcerate, incarcerates, incarceration, incarcerated, insanity, insanity plea, insanity pleas, disease, diseases, diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnosing, mentally unwell, defendant, defendants, defense attorney, defense attorneys, lawyer, lawyers, prisoner, prisoners, ambulance chaser, ambulance chasers, crooked lawyer, crooked lawyers, plea, pleas, plea deal, plea deals, mental illness, mental illnesses, verdict, verdicts, not guilty verdict, not guilty verdicts, by reason of insanity, not guilty
"He's here to give you a second, cooler opinion."
Tags:second opinion, second opinions, doctor, doctors, doctors office, doctors offices, patient, patients, appointment, appointments, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, cool, coolness, cooler, attractive, attractiveness, authority, authority figure, authority figures, diagnosis, diagnoses, diagnosing, misdiagnosed, misdiagnosing
"There's your problem."
Tags:problem, problems, shark, sharks, shark bite, shark bites, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, appointment, appointments, obvious, obvious problem, obvious problems, pain, pains, painful, diagnose, diagnosing, diagnosis, ache, aches, aching, bite, bites, chomp, chomps, chomping, problem, problems, issue, issues, general practitioner, general practitioners, family doctor, family doctors
"Can't you diagnose me with something you have free samples for?"
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosing, diagnosis, diagnoses, treatment, treatments, cure, cures, free, freebies, sample, samples, bill, bills, money, medical bill, medical bills, medical costs, cost, costs, expenses, expensive, medical billing, health insurance, universal healthcare, universal health care, socialised medicine, socialized medicine, socialised healthcare, socialised health care, socialized healthcare, socialized health care, medicaid, medicare, obamacare, big pharma, drug, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical, medicines, meds, prescription, prescriptions, pill, pills, pharmaceutical companies, pharmaceutical company
"O.K., let's just have a look-see at this pre-mortem."
Tags:hospital, doctor, patient, hypochondriac, hypochondriacs, postmortem, post-mortem, patients, cavalier, problem, problems, problem to be solved, problems to be solved, non-entity, non-entities, diagnose, diagnoses, diagnosing, physician, physicians, die, dies, dying, terminal, terminal illness, terminal illnesses, bad news, mankoff