"All dogs go to Heaven, because we're not the ones who screwed up."
Prizes Include: A New Car, A Maui Vacation And The Grim Reaper
Tags:game, games, game show, gameshows, gameshow, death, dead, die, died, dying, dies, grim, grim reaper, reaper, reapers, tv, t v, tv show, television, live tv, audience, studio, studio audience, prize, prizes, vacation, vacations, random, randomness, chance, chances, probability, probabilities, car, cars, door number, choose, choice, choices, fate, fated, doom, doomed
"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
Tags:ghost, ghosts, summer movie, summer movies, summer blockbuster, summer blockbusters, spirit, spirits, ghost story, ghost stories, die, dies, dying, death, lose, loses, losing, sore loser, sore losers, loser, losers, join, joins, if you can't be 'em join 'em, expression, expressions, saying, sayings
A man reads the obituary and compares his age to the deceased.
Tags:age, obit, obits, obituary, obituaries, dead, dying, die, dies, mortality, mortal, mortals, long life, long lives, short life, short lives, compare, compares, feel your age, feeling your age, ageing, aging, grow old, grows old, growing old, comparison, comparisons, insecure, insecurity, insecurities
"Please, Al. You know the backstroke scares the children."
"Beuford was too old for a sexual frenzy."
Tags:frenzy, frenzied, die, dies, dying, funeral, funerals, wake, wakes, die too young, dying too young, dead too young, fantasy, lament, laments, lamenting, mourn, mourns, mourning, mourner, mourners, too old, die too old, dying too old, elderly, elder, elders, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens
"I was born an urban bird and I'll die an urban bird."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, bird, birds, urban, city, cities, city life, urban life, born, birth, die, death, traffic, car, cars, vehicle, vehicles, automobile, automobiles, catchphrase, catchphrases, catch phrase, catch phrases, cliche, cliches, pastoral, rural, rural life, rural lives, set in your ways, set in his ways
"Relax, honey - change is good."
Tags:death, grim reaper, black humor, language, clichés, dark humor, dark humour, die, dies, dying, transition, transitions, change, changes, changing, positive change, positive changes, afterlife, afterlives, good change, good changes, married couple, married couples, old married couple, old married couples, mankoff
"Why would He take someone so toned?"
Tags:dark humour, dark humor, black humor, black humour, dead, die, died, dying, death, funeral, funerals, wake, wakes, grave, graves, graveyard, cemetery, cemeteries, weight lifter, weight lifting, weight lifters, fitness, fit, muscles, muscular, toned, attraction, eye candy, health, headstone, headstones, gravestone, gravestones
"Take some identification with you in case you die."
Tags:dark, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, gallows humour, gallows humor, dead, deadpan, cycling, cycle, bicycle, bike, biking, bicycles, cyclist, cyclists, cyclist humor, cyclist humour, id, identification, identity, id card, proof of identity, old age, old, age, elderly, exercise, exercising, middle age, middle aged, middle ages, mid life crisis, midlife crisis, mid-life crisis, death, dead, died, dying, die, marriage, married, married life
"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."
Tags:death, died, die, dies, dying, funeral, funerals, funerary, funeral procession, wake, the wake, holding a wake, open casket, casket, caskets, coffin, coffins, comment, commenting, everyone's a critic, comb over, combover, comb-over, hair, haircut, haircare, bald, balding, male pattern baldness, male patterned baldness, fashion, fashions, gossup, gossiping, gossipy, fashionable, black humor, dark humor, dark humour, black humour
"I always lived vicariously. Why can't I die vicariously?"
Tags:living vicariously, lived vicariously, vicarious living, deathbed, deathbeds, death bed, death beds, surrogate, surrogates, surrogacy, deaths, dying, died, die, dies, life choice, life choices, fear of death, thanatophobia, phobia, phobias, avoidance technique, avoidance techniques, avoidance tactic, avoidance tactics
A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.
Tags:parking meter, parking meters, expire, expires, expiring, expiration, die, dies, dying, death, deaths, car, cars, auto, autos, automobile, automobiles, soul, souls, ascend, ascends, ascending, ascension, 21 grams, 21 grams theory, angel, angels, afterlife, afterlives, soul escaping, soul death, expired meter, expired meters, parking ticket, parking tickets
"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."
Tags:death, dead, die, dies, dying, grim, grim reaper, reapers, reaper, creepy, scythe, scythes, soul, souls, eternal soul, underworld, religion, religious, religious imagery, modern, modern life, unexpected, guest, guests, doctor, doctors, knife, knives, jewish, jewish people, party, parties, dinner party, dinner parties, bah mitzvah, knives, sharp, cut, cutting, circumcision, shpasik, jtoons
"He's in a better place now-no offense to Buffalo."
"But think of all the things you're not going to die of."
Tags:bearer, bearer of bad news, bad news, terminal, terminally, terminal illness, illness, ill, sick, sickness, healthy, medically, doctor, doctors, consultant, consulting, depressed, depressing, depression, mortality, mortal, get well, get well soon, morbid, morbidly, gallows humor, gallows humour, death, dead, dying, die, died, die of, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, check up, check-up, appointment
Chocolate Lovers' Leap
"Not so fast. I got life PLUS seventy-five years."
Tags:death, dead, dying, die, died, dies, grim, grim reaper, reaper, reaping, reap, reaps, grimme, scythe, scythes, hooded, hood, black, black robes, black humor, black humour, dark humor, dark humour, prison, prisons, jail, jails, sentence, sentencing, sentences, negotiate, negotiation, con, conning, conned, cons, bargain, bargains, criminal, criminals, prisoner, prisoners, life imprisonment, life sentence, life
"The Sudden, Sure Knowledge That One's Best Efforts Have Come To Naught."
Tags:effort, efforts, death, deaths, die, dies, deadly, escape, vaudeville, song-and-dance, grim reapers, grim-reapers, grim reaper, grim-reaper, audience, audiences, dying, dies, cheating death, cheats death, performance, performed, barbershop music, barbershop, disappointed, disappointed, fail, failed, effort, efforts
"Hey, Gramps, is 'deathbed' one word or two?"
Tags:grandpa, grandpas, grandfather, grandfathers, deathbed, deathbeds, insensitive, death bed, death beds, spell check, spellcheck, dying, die, dies, dead, hospital, hospitals, teen, teens, teenager, thoughtless, thoughtlessness, carefree, rude, rudeness, tasteless, uncouth, question, questions, cancer, cancers
"I got it this far - don't stop me now."
Tags:you can't take it with you, take it with you, taking it with you, money, greed, greedy, death, die, dies, dying, rich, riches, wealth, wealthy, elite, elites, expectation, expectations, heavenly gates, heaven's gate, gates of heaven, capitalist, capitalists, capitalism, stingy, miserly, miser, misers
Good News / Bad News
Tags:good news, bad news, bearer of bad news, stranded, strand, maroon, marooned, castaway, deserted, deserter, deserters, desert, desert island, abandon, abandoned, rescue, rescued, death, dead, die, died, dies, dying, murphy's law, murphys law, sod's law, sods law, grim, grim reaper, reaper, doom, doomed
"The yellow ones need to be signed, but the pink ones only require initials."
Tags:war, wars, military, death, dead, die, died, gunman, gun, guns, firing, firing line, historical, reference, references, referential, troop, troops, army, armies, private, martial, martial law, historically, referential, paper, papers, paperwork, sentence, sentences, receipt, receipts, document, documents, documentation, red tape, red-tape
"Sorry to crash the party, folks, but all the little people that made it happen were just discovered buried in a shallow grave outside Bakersfield."
Tags:dark humour, dark humor, black humour, black humor, dead, die, died, death, dying, killed, killing, killer, killers, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, investigate, investigative, investigator, investigators, fbi, f.b.i., federal bureau of investigation, detective, detectives, police, policeman, policemen, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, crimes, criminal, criminals, hollywood, bakersfield, california, award, awards, ceremony
"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."
Tags:why did the chicken cross the road, bad joke, bad jokes, riddle, riddles, husband, husbands, wife, wives, relationship, relationships, couple, couples, spouses, spouse, marriage, married, chicken, chickens, single, newly single, widow, widows, death, die, died, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour