"I can tell you exactly what he was compensating for."
A tombstone in a cemetery reads "Prentiss W. Burchmeyer - Born July 16, 1908, Dined at the White House May 3, 1984, Died March 30 1987".
Tags:death, dead, cemetery, cemeteries, graveyard, graveyards, tombstone, tombstones, headstone, headstones, gravestone, gravestone, grave, graves, important, importance, important dates, birth, born, died, dinner at the white house, white house, dinner, dinners, epitaph, epitaphs, inscription, inscriptions, life events, life event, important even, important events, honor, honors, honored, honour, honours, honoured
Prizes Include: A New Car, A Maui Vacation And The Grim Reaper
Tags:game, games, game show, gameshows, gameshow, death, dead, die, died, dying, dies, grim, grim reaper, reaper, reapers, tv, t v, tv show, television, live tv, audience, studio, studio audience, prize, prizes, vacation, vacations, random, randomness, chance, chances, probability, probabilities, car, cars, door number, choose, choice, choices, fate, fated, doom, doomed
"Someone's misfiled Harrington."
Tags:filing, filed, files, filing cabinet, filing system, misfile, misfiled, offices, office politics, dead, deceased, died, body, bodies, corpse, morgue, morgues, mortuary, mortuaries, post mortem, mob, mobs, mobster, mobsters, mafia, mafioso, mafiosos, big boss, administrative, admin, administration, administrative work
"Why would He take someone so toned?"
Tags:dark humour, dark humor, black humor, black humour, dead, die, died, dying, death, funeral, funerals, wake, wakes, grave, graves, graveyard, cemetery, cemeteries, weight lifter, weight lifting, weight lifters, fitness, fit, muscles, muscular, toned, attraction, eye candy, health, headstone, headstones, gravestone, gravestones
"Sure, I wanted my hair back, but not my seventies hair."
Tags:hair, haircuts, haircut, hair style, hair styles, style, styles, fashion, men's fashion, fashionable, out of fashion, out of style, outdated, seventies, 1970's, 70's, afro, afros, angel, angels, dead, death, dying, died, heaven, be careful what you wish for, bald, balding, hair thinning, receding hairline, hairline, big hair
"I just feel we'd know more people in Hell."
"Take some identification with you in case you die."
Tags:dark, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, gallows humour, gallows humor, dead, deadpan, cycling, cycle, bicycle, bike, biking, bicycles, cyclist, cyclists, cyclist humor, cyclist humour, id, identification, identity, id card, proof of identity, old age, old, age, elderly, exercise, exercising, middle age, middle aged, middle ages, mid life crisis, midlife crisis, mid-life crisis, death, dead, died, dying, die, marriage, married, married life
"If I have to ask permission for every bite, dearest, we'll be mating all day."
Tags:relationship, relationships, consent, consenting consents, feminism, feminists, feminist, #metoo, metoo, me too, mantis, praying mantis, praying mantises, mantises, mate, mates, consensual, permission, reproduction, insect, insects, animal, animals, decapitate, relationship, relationships, death, dying, died
"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"
Tags:date, dating, dates, first dates, first date, nature, natural disaster, disaster, disasters, explode, explosion, explosions, doomsday, doomsayer, end times, end of the world, apocalypse, apocalyptic, destruction, world ending, optimism, optimist, polite, politeness, etiquette, least of our worries, least of our problems, problem, problems, cataclysm, cataclysmic, catastrophe, catastrophic, death, dead, dying, died
"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."
Tags:death, died, die, dies, dying, funeral, funerals, funerary, funeral procession, wake, the wake, holding a wake, open casket, casket, caskets, coffin, coffins, comment, commenting, everyone's a critic, comb over, combover, comb-over, hair, haircut, haircare, bald, balding, male pattern baldness, male patterned baldness, fashion, fashions, gossup, gossiping, gossipy, fashionable, black humor, dark humor, dark humour, black humour
"I always lived vicariously. Why can't I die vicariously?"
Tags:living vicariously, lived vicariously, vicarious living, deathbed, deathbeds, death bed, death beds, surrogate, surrogates, surrogacy, deaths, dying, died, die, dies, life choice, life choices, fear of death, thanatophobia, phobia, phobias, avoidance technique, avoidance techniques, avoidance tactic, avoidance tactics
"We find pizza softens the blow of bad news."
Tags:bad, bad news, bearer of bad news, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, hospital, hospitals, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, death, dead, black humor, black humour, comfort food, comforting, comfort, food, pizza, pizzas, dark humor, dark humour, gallows humor, gallows humour, death, dead, died, dying, terminal, terminal illness, medical, medicine
"But think of all the things you're not going to die of."
Tags:bearer, bearer of bad news, bad news, terminal, terminally, terminal illness, illness, ill, sick, sickness, healthy, medically, doctor, doctors, consultant, consulting, depressed, depressing, depression, mortality, mortal, get well, get well soon, morbid, morbidly, gallows humor, gallows humour, death, dead, dying, die, died, die of, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, check up, check-up, appointment
"I'm expecting easy confirmation."
Tags:pearl gates, pearly gates, gates of heaven, heaven, confirmation, confirmations, easy confirmation, easy confirmations, political appointment, political appointment, political confirmation, political confirmations, political candidate, political candidates, afterlife, the afterlife, st.peter, st peter, saint peter, judgement, confirmation politics, supreme court, us supreme court, legitimacy, judgement day, dying, died
"Well, I guess we can leave the sign as it is."
Tags:family business, family businesses, family, son, sons, father, fathers, sibling, sliblings, brother, brothers, death, died, workplace accident, workplace accidents, accident, accidents, accidental death, sudden death, dark humour, dark humor, black humour, black humor, gallows humour, gallows humor
"I never thought I'd have to move back in with my parents."
Tags:cemetery, cemeteries, graveyard, graveyards, grave, graves, mausoleum, mausoleums, tombstone, tombstones, headstone, headstones, dead, death, died, passed away, parent, parents, moving in, moving in with the parents, move back in with parents, son, sons, child, children, kid, kids, adult child, adult kid, adult kids, adulthood, living with parents, desperate, desperation
"I guess this is as good as it gets."
Tags:pearl gates, pearly gates, gates of heaven, heaven, afterlife, the afterlife, judgement, judgement day, dying, died, angel, angels, paradise, living in paradise, bridge, playing bridge, bridge game, bridge player, bridge players, cards, card game, card games, card player, card players, eternal peace, eternal happiness
Chocolate Lovers' Leap
"Not so fast. I got life PLUS seventy-five years."
Tags:death, dead, dying, die, died, dies, grim, grim reaper, reaper, reaping, reap, reaps, grimme, scythe, scythes, hooded, hood, black, black robes, black humor, black humour, dark humor, dark humour, prison, prisons, jail, jails, sentence, sentencing, sentences, negotiate, negotiation, con, conning, conned, cons, bargain, bargains, crime, criminal, criminals, prisoner, prisoners, life imprisonment, life sentence, life
Good News / Bad News
Tags:good news, bad news, bearer of bad news, stranded, strand, maroon, marooned, castaway, deserted, deserter, deserters, desert, desert island, abandon, abandoned, rescue, rescued, death, dead, die, died, dies, dying, murphy's law, murphys law, sod's law, sods law, grim, grim reaper, reaper, doom, doomed
"The yellow ones need to be signed, but the pink ones only require initials."
Tags:war, wars, military, death, dead, die, died, gunman, gun, guns, firing, firing line, historical, reference, references, referential, troop, troops, army, armies, private, martial, martial law, historically, referential, paper, papers, paperwork, sentence, sentences, receipt, receipts, document, documents, documentation, red tape, red-tape
"Sorry to crash the party, folks, but all the little people that made it happen were just discovered buried in a shallow grave outside Bakersfield."
Tags:dark humour, dark humor, black humour, black humor, dead, die, died, death, dying, killed, killing, killer, killers, murder, murders, murderer, murderers, investigate, investigative, investigator, investigators, fbi, f.b.i., federal bureau of investigation, detective, detectives, police, policeman, policemen, police officer, police officers, cop, cops, crime, crimes, criminal, criminals, hollywood, bakersfield, california, award, awards, ceremony
"I'm a free woman. Edgar tried to cross the road."
Tags:why did the chicken cross the road, bad joke, bad jokes, riddle, riddles, husband, husbands, wife, wives, relationship, relationships, couple, couples, spouses, spouse, marriage, married, chicken, chickens, single, newly single, widow, widows, death, die, died, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour
"He makes us watch this fire-safety video once a year."