Divorcing Cartoons

"Goodbye, Kevin. I could look the other way with the boozing and the skirt-chasing, but I did not sign up for bicycle clothes."

"I think I know where the passion in our marriage has gone."

"Ted Burton! How are you? How's my ex-wife? My kids? My dog?"

"Why do we need some piece of paper to say that we both hate each other?"

"We are so in synch. I was just about to ask you for a divorce."

"I filed for divorce on the grounds of mental exhaustion."

"Of course, your case against him would be a lot stronger if you had made him sign a pre-peccadillo agreement."

"It's as though everything nice about you had been just some kind of introductory offer."

"I've decided to cut and run."

"I don't like him."

"But you can't leave, Helen—I still have so much to learn from women."

"Then one day he said, 'It's either me or the damned cat!'"

"Hey, honey! I thought of something else you can put on your restraining order."

"'Vengeance is ours,' saith Courtland, Mumford & Blaine."

"But you can't leave me—your name is Bride of Frankenstein."

"Dear, I'd like to roll our marriage over into an amicable divorce."

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

"You'll be back."

"Mother was right about you. You're a toaster."

"And may all your chakras be blocked!"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"What is it this time? My maleness? My Anglo-Saxoness? My Pincetoness? My lawyerness?"

"I'm sorry, Carol. I just feel like I should be seeing someone closer to my own neighborhood."

"This isn't working. I'm putting you on a plane back to Ohio."

"It equals out. I pay alimony to Laurie and Denise, and I get alimony from Brenda and Suzanne."