"I've decided to return to my first passion in life—selling drugs to kids."
Tags:first passion, first passions, drug dealer, drug dealers, drug dealing, drug abuse, drug abuser, drug abusers, drug abusing, passion, passionate, golf, golfs, golfer, golfing, dream job, dream jobs, drug pusher, drug pushers, pusher, pushers, employment, gainful employment, nostalgia, nostalgic, happy, happiness, illegal activity, illegal activities
"I miss my mom's home-cooked methamphetamine."
Tags:metamphetamine, home-, cooking, mothers, mom's apple pie, food, foods, college, college student, colleges, university, universities, move out, moves out, moving out, meth, methamphetamines, home cook, home cooks, home cooking, miss, misses, missing, mom's cooking, mother's cooking, fond, nostalgia, nostalgic, drug abuser, drug abusers, drug abuse
"Mommy, I don't think that was a Children's Advil."
Tags:ibuprofen, prescription, prescriptions, hallucination, hallucinations, hallucinate, hallucinates, hallucinating, hallucination, hallucinations, drug, trip, trips, trippy, psychedelic, psychedelics, wrong medication, wrong medications, medication, medications, medicating, drug abuser, drug abusers, drug abuse, drugged, overdose, overdoses, overdosing, pink elephants
"Let's get Junkie—he'll know what to do!"
"Is that legal? Can the old man force me to take a performance-enhancing drug."
Tags:performance-enhancing drug, performance enhancing drugs, force, forces, forced, forcing, performance enhancer, performance enhancers, legal, legality, immoral, immorality, ethic, ethics, ethical, unethical, boss, bosses, steroid, steroid use, steroid usage, drug, drug use, drug abuse, drug abuser
"I still enjoy running my winery, but these days my real passion is the meth lab."
Tags:winery, wineries, napa, napa valley, sonoma, sonoma county, artisan, artisanal, grower, growers, meth, methamphetamine, methamphetamines, meth lab, meth labs, drug, drug abuse, drug abuser, drug abusers, narcotic, narcotics, substance abuse, vineyard, vineyards, sophisticate, sophisticated, drug dealer, drug dealers, drug dealing, user, users, addict, addicts, addiction, addictions, alcoholic, alcoholics, alcoholism, home business, home businesses
"I'm sorry, but you're going to have to hand over that cape. Your test came back positive for anabolic steroids."
"Can I call you back? I'm still recovering from a night of binge hiring."
Tags:binge, binges, bingeing, hire, hires, hiring, recruit, recruits, recruitment, new recruit, new recruits, late night, late nights, hiring officer, hiring officers, personnel, personnel department, hangover, hangovers, hung over, bad decision, bad decisions, making bad decisions, drug abuse, drug abuser, drug abusers, manager, managers, managing
"Statins. I got statins. Who needs statins?"
Tags:statin, statins, cholesterol, cholesterol levels, fatty food, fatty foods, diet, diets, dieting, prescription, prescriptions, high cholesterol, bad cholesterol, drug, drug dealer, drug dealers, drug dealing, stodge, stodgy food, stodgy foods, health nut, health nuts, bar food, bar foods, diner food, diner foods, carnivore, carnivores, carnivorous, medication, medications, drug abuse, drug abuser, drug abusers, drug user, drug users, drug use
"When I was young I needed drugs to feel weird. Now, I need drugs to feel normal."
Tags:drug, drug use, drug user, drug users, pharmaceutical, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical industry, medication, medications, medicate, medicates, medicating, ssri, ssris, depression, mood disorder, mood disorders, mood, moods, personality disorder, personality disorders, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, psychiatry, psychology, psychologist, psychologists, drug abuse, drug abuser, drug abusers, change, changes, changing, grow old, grows old, growing old, grow up, grows up, growing up, age, ages, aging, ageing, too much coffee man
Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: Family Ties
Tags:college, pot smoker, pot smokers, pot smoking, marijuana, joint, joints, smoke a joint, smoking a joint, drug, drug use, college kid, college kids, home from college, excuse, excuses, stall, stalls, stalling, mother, mothers, parent, parents, parenting, fib, fibs, fibbing, lie, lies, lying, liar, liars, make an excuse, making an excuse, making excuses, drug abuse, drug abuser, drug abusers, family ties, habit, habits, bad habit, bad habits
"Want to score some flu shots.?"
Tags:flu shot, flu shots, vaccinate, vaccinates, vaccinating, vaccination, vaccinations, flu, influenza, park bench, park benches, drug, drug use, drug abuse, drug abuser, drug abusers, thrill, thrills, thrillseeker, thrillseekers, thrillseeking, thrill seeker, thrill seekers, thrill seeking, jab, jabs, flu jab, flu jabs, elderly, grow old, growing old, health, health problem, health problems, adventurous, dangerous, live dangerously, living dangerously, medication, medications, prescription, prescriptions
"I'm just looking for something to take the edge off before I give the kids the 'Don't Do Drugs' talk."
"Our planet has run out of cocaine."
Tags:cocaine, coke, cocaine addict, cocaine addicts, cocaine addiction, drug, drug addict, drug addicts, drug addiction, addict, addicts, need, needs, addiction, addictions, drug abuse, drug abuser, drug abusers, abusing, ufo, ufos, alien, aliens, search, searches, searching, motivate, motivates, motivating, motivation, great lengths, going to great lengths, user, users