"All dogs go to Heaven, because we're not the ones who screwed up."
Prizes Include: A New Car, A Maui Vacation And The Grim Reaper
Tags:game, games, game show, gameshows, gameshow, death, dead, die, died, dying, dies, grim, grim reaper, reaper, reapers, tv, t v, tv show, television, live tv, audience, studio, studio audience, prize, prizes, vacation, vacations, random, randomness, chance, chances, probability, probabilities, car, cars, door number, choose, choice, choices, fate, fated, doom, doomed
"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."
Tags:ghost, ghosts, summer movie, summer movies, summer blockbuster, summer blockbusters, spirit, spirits, ghost story, ghost stories, die, dies, dying, death, lose, loses, losing, sore loser, sore losers, loser, losers, join, joins, if you can't be 'em join 'em, expression, expressions, saying, sayings
"Welcome to the after-party."
Tags:hell, hellish, underworld, the underworld, death, dead, dying, devil, devils, demon, demons, the devil, religion, religious, religious imagery, imagery, christian, christian ideals, party, parties, after party, after-party, age, ageing, aged, play on words, word play, word-play, afterlife, after life, sins, consequences, vice, vices
A man reads the obituary and compares his age to the deceased.
Tags:age, obit, obits, obituary, obituaries, dead, dying, die, dies, mortality, mortal, mortals, long life, long lives, short life, short lives, compare, compares, feel your age, feeling your age, ageing, aging, grow old, grows old, growing old, comparison, comparisons, insecure, insecurity, insecurities
He Watched Sports
Tags:grave, graves, gravestone, gravestones, graveyard, graveyards, cemetery, cemeteries, tombstone, tombstones, paying respects, remembering, remembrance, sports, sports fan, sport fan, sport fans, sports fans, boring, bore, bores, epitaph, epitaph, boring person, boring people, wasted life, pointless, pointlessness, depressing, dying
"Beuford was too old for a sexual frenzy."
Tags:frenzy, frenzied, die, dies, dying, funeral, funerals, wake, wakes, die too young, dying too young, dead too young, fantasy, lament, laments, lamenting, mourn, mourns, mourning, mourner, mourners, too old, die too old, dying too old, elderly, elder, elders, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens
"Relax, honey - change is good."
Tags:death, grim reaper, black humor, language, clichés, dark humor, dark humour, die, dies, dying, transition, transitions, change, changes, changing, positive change, positive changes, afterlife, afterlives, good change, good changes, married couple, married couples, old married couple, old married couples, mankoff
"Why would He take someone so toned?"
Tags:dark humour, dark humor, black humor, black humour, dead, die, died, dying, death, funeral, funerals, wake, wakes, grave, graves, graveyard, cemetery, cemeteries, weight lifter, weight lifting, weight lifters, fitness, fit, muscles, muscular, toned, attraction, eye candy, health, headstone, headstones, gravestone, gravestones
"I'm allergic to the sun."
"Sure, I wanted my hair back, but not my seventies hair."
Tags:hair, haircuts, haircut, hair style, hair styles, style, styles, fashion, men's fashion, fashionable, out of fashion, out of style, outdated, seventies, 1970's, 70's, afro, afros, angel, angels, dead, death, dying, died, heaven, be careful what you wish for, bald, balding, hair thinning, receding hairline, hairline, big hair
"I want everyone to leave the room, except for the cat."
Tags:pet, pets, cat, cats, will, wills, death, dying, deathbed, death bed, deaths, everyone leave, leave, leaving, wish, wishes, final wish, final wishes, last wish, last wishes, final-wish, last-wish, final-wishes, last-wishes, cat, family, families, love, important, importance, priority, priorities
"Take some identification with you in case you die."
Tags:dark, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, gallows humour, gallows humor, dead, deadpan, cycling, cycle, bicycle, bike, biking, bicycles, cyclist, cyclists, cyclist humor, cyclist humour, id, identification, identity, id card, proof of identity, old age, old, age, elderly, exercise, exercising, middle age, middle aged, middle ages, mid life crisis, midlife crisis, mid-life crisis, death, dead, died, dying, die, marriage, married, married life
"Perhaps, given time, but not too much time, you could learn to love me."
Tags:date, dates, dating, boyfriend, boyfriends, girlfriends, sugar baby, sugar babies, gold digger, gold diggers, love, relationship, relationships, couple, couples, old age, old man, old men, old people, age, ageing, aging, retire, retired, retirement, dying, elderly, elder, elders, senior, seniors, senior citizen, senior citizens
"If I have to ask permission for every bite, dearest, we'll be mating all day."
Tags:relationship, relationships, consent, consenting consents, feminism, feminists, feminist, #metoo, metoo, me too, mantis, praying mantis, praying mantises, mantises, mate, mates, consensual, permission, reproduction, insect, insects, animal, animals, decapitate, relationship, relationships, death, dying, died
"Gee, I'm sorry this had to happen on our first date!"
Tags:date, dating, dates, first dates, first date, nature, natural disaster, disaster, disasters, explode, explosion, explosions, doomsday, doomsayer, end times, end of the world, apocalypse, apocalyptic, destruction, world ending, optimism, optimist, polite, politeness, etiquette, least of our worries, least of our problems, problem, problems, cataclysm, cataclysmic, catastrophe, catastrophic, death, dead, dying, died
"I see he finally got rid of that idiotic comb-over."
Tags:death, died, die, dies, dying, funeral, funerals, funerary, funeral procession, wake, the wake, holding a wake, open casket, casket, caskets, coffin, coffins, comment, commenting, everyone's a critic, comb over, combover, comb-over, hair, haircut, haircare, bald, balding, male pattern baldness, male patterned baldness, fashion, fashions, gossup, gossiping, gossipy, fashionable, black humor, dark humor, dark humour, black humour
"He has some ﬁnal words he wants to say, Nurse. Send in his speechwriters."
Tags:death, dying, palliative care, nurse, doctor, doctors, medical, medicine, last words, final words, dying words, politics, politician, politicians, speech, speeches, speechwriter, speechwriters, writing, government, governments, writer, writers, spin doctor, spin doctors, spokesperson, spokespeople, celebrity, celebrities, famous, p.r., public relations, pr, publicist, publicists, official, modern life
"Gee, you're not at all like your obituaries."
"I always lived vicariously. Why can't I die vicariously?"
Tags:living vicariously, lived vicariously, vicarious living, deathbed, deathbeds, death bed, death beds, surrogate, surrogates, surrogacy, deaths, dying, died, die, dies, life choice, life choices, fear of death, thanatophobia, phobia, phobias, avoidance technique, avoidance techniques, avoidance tactic, avoidance tactics
A car's soul escapes as it expires at the meter.
Tags:parking meter, parking meters, expire, expires, expiring, expiration, die, dies, dying, death, deaths, car, cars, auto, autos, automobile, automobiles, soul, souls, ascend, ascends, ascending, ascension, 21 grams, 21 grams theory, angel, angels, afterlife, afterlives, soul escaping, soul death, expired meter, expired meters, parking ticket, parking tickets
"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."
Tags:death, dead, die, dies, dying, grim, grim reaper, reapers, reaper, creepy, scythe, scythes, soul, souls, eternal soul, underworld, religion, religious, religious imagery, modern, modern life, unexpected, guest, guests, doctor, doctors, knife, knives, jewish, jewish people, party, parties, dinner party, dinner parties, bar mitzvah, knives, sharp, cut, cutting, circumcision, shpasik, jtoons
"He's in a better place now-no offense to Buffalo."