"And now we just relax, settle down, and smother them until they crack."
"I did all my own stunts."
Tags:humpty, humpty dumpty, dumpty, egg, eggs, nursery rhymes, nursery rhyme, rhyme, rhymes, song, songs, fairy, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairy story, fairy stories, stunt, stunts, cracked, cracks, injuries, injured, injury, injuring, cracks, stuntmen, stuntman, stunts, stunt, my own stunts, all my own stunts, talk, talk shows, talk show, talk-shows, talk-show, late night, late-night, children, children's
A chicken and an egg racing to take a number to see which one of them will come first.
"So! When's the big day?"
"That's not how I sat on you."
"You'll get right back over here if you know what's good for you!"
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, chicken, chickens, hen, hens, poultry, egg, eggs, farm, farms, farmer, farmers, kid, kids, child, children, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, the early years, childhood, nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, rhyme, rhymes, mother goose, literature, children's story, children's stories, fictional character, fictional characters, humpty dumpty, dangerous, risky, risk taker, risk takers
"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."
Tags:restaurant, restaurants, cafe, cafes, diner, diners, dining out, eating out, meal, meals, food, eating, dining, waiter, waiters, server, servers, waitress, waitresses, service, customer service, order, orders, ordering, menu, menus, breakfast, egg, eggs, omelette, omelettes, omelet, omelets, health, unhealthy, egg yolk, egg yolks, egg whites, egg white, cholesterol, fitness, heart health
"Half a dozen brown—three large, three jumbo!"
Tags:animal, animals, rooster, roosters, chicken, chickens, hen, hens, chick, chicks, egg, eggs, large, brown, jumbo, kid, kids, child, children, baby, babies, pregnancy, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, family, families, new parent, new parents, hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, maternity ward, obstetrics ward, delivery ward, waiting area, waiting areas, waiting room, waiting rooms, new father, new dad, expectant parents, expectant father, expectant dad, delivery, deliveries, delivering a baby, having a baby, good news
"You're lucky he's so supportive, Leda. A lot of men would probably feel threatened f their wives laid an egg."
Tags:leda, leda and the swan, clytemnestra, helen, castor, pollux, egg, eggs, ancient greek, ancient greeks, ancient greece, greek myth, greek myths, greek mythology, classical myth, classical myths, classical mythology, husband, husbands, wife, wives, zeus, tyndareus of sparta, supportive husband, supportive husbands, egg, eggs
"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, bird, birds, nest, nests, egg, eggs, hatch, hatching, baby, babies, kid, kids, child, children, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, family, families, new parent, new parents, mistake, mistakes, empty nest, empty nester, empty nesters, independence, freedom, too soon, too early
First Visit From The Acme Cholesterol-Removal Service
"I'm afraid you have only three minutes to live."
Tags:egg, eggs, boil, boiled, boiled egg, hard boiled, doctor, doctors, medicine, medical, live, to live, food, foods, humpty dumpty, humpty dumpty sat on a wall, nursery rhyme, rhyme, nursery rhymes, eat, eating, eats, medicines, prognosis, diagnosis, terminal, eggy, personified, through the looking glass, myths, myth, cook, cooking, cooked, cooks
"Our eggs are particularly awesome today."
Tags:farm, farms, farming, chicken farm, chicken farming, eggs, egg, chicken, chickens, hen, hens, laying eggs, farm shop, farm shops, farm stand, farm stands, giant egg, giant eggs, supersize, supersized, awesome, awesomeness, oversize, oversized, over size, farmer, farmers, battery farm, battery farms, free range eggs, free-range eggs, salesperson, salespeople, saleswoman, saleswomen, sales tactic, sales tactics, selling, consumerism, capitalism, capitalist, capitalists
"Mornin', hon—can I fix you some eggs?"
Eggs Benedict Arnold
Tags:eggs benedict, benedict arnold, betray, betrays, betrayal, betrayals, betraying, breakfast, breakfasts, breakfast food, breakfast foods, brunch, brunches, collapse, collapses, collapsing, overeat, overeats, overeating, food poisoning, food poisoned, ill, illness, illnesses, favorite food, favorite foods, egg, eggs, egg dish, egg dishes
"It's perfect for starting a family."
"There I trust that settles it."
"The chicken is for this year's taxes. The egg is my estimated for next year."
"Thank goodness he was wearing a condom."
Tags:condoms, protection, always use protection, humpty, humpty dumpty, dumpty, egg, eggs, nursery rhymes, nursery rhyme, rhyme, rhymes, song, songs, fairy, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairy story, fairy stories, stunt, stunts, cracked, cracks, injuries, injured, injury, injuring, cracks, king's horses, king's men, repair, repairs, visual gag, pun, puns, play on words, word play, spoof, spoofed, spoofs, parody, parodied, parodies
The Delusional World of the Free-Range Chicken
"No, I don't think I have a book in me. I think I have a chicken in me."
Tags:egg, eggs, chicken, chickens, chick, chick, hatching egg, hatching eggs, author, authors, writer, writers, novelist, novelist, aspiring author, aspiring authors, defeatist, pessimism, pessimist, pessimists, publishing, realistic, realist, realists, writer, writers, author, authors, egg, eggs, humpty dumpty, inspiration, inspirations, muse, muses, hatch a plan, hatching a plan
"Just between us, I came first, but I shredded the evidence."
Tags:animal, animals, talking animal, talking animals, poultry, duck, ducks, chicken, chickens, hen, hens, egg, eggs, which came first, first, riddle, riddles, cliche, cliches, science, biology, dilemma, dilemmas, causality, paradox, paradoxes, evidence, shredded, destroyed, secret, secrets, farm, farms, farmer, farmers, mystery, mysteries
"Now look what you've done!"
"You might want to sit down, Mrs. Dumpty."
Tags:nursery rhyme, nursery rhymes, rhyme, rhymes, mother goose, literature, children's story, children's stories, character, characters, fictional character, fictional characters, humpty dumpty, hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, bad news, emergency, emergencies, death, egg, eggs, wife, wives