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"What rhymes with 'failed marriage'?"
"Your kids have left and gone on to lives of their own..." a dog yelps while his owner runs away.
"I filed for divorce on the grounds of mental exhaustion."
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"There's nothing wrong with our marriage, but the spectre of gay marriage has hopelessly eroded the institution."
"Being married to her was the most miserable experience of my life, but I was able to develop a sitcom out of it."
"Quick! Hide! That may be my husband!"
Early divorce settlement