Family Life Cartoons

"I think it is most admirable," said Alice, "that you gave up a thriving law practice to be with this lovely child."

"Of course it's not my son. My son is a nitwit. That's me, thirty years ago."

"If your mother asks, we crossed at the corner."

"Ted Burton! How are you? How's my ex-wife? My kids? My dog?"

The Big Book of Parent-Child Fights

"No, no, Timmy. Not that one. I'm saving that one for last."

The Dream Remote

Mom and Dad Really Lose It - 1/4 Mile.

"Your mom cooks the chicken, but your dad makes it dance."

"Of course your daddy loves you. He's on Prozac - he loves everybody."

"Is this the story you want to tell on your college application?"

Theories Of Everything: 'Everything would be perfect if I had a dirt bike.'

"I'll probably die an old woman before I get that bedtime story."

"This is boring. Let's have children."

"Please, Jason. Don't you want to grow up to be an autonomous person?"

"Mommy wants you to know where your food comes from."

"And don't think you're just going to flare your nostrils out of this one!"

"I think Dad is the reason Mom never married."

"I'm starting to wish we'd never bought him that thing."

"Mom, Dad - I'm adopted, aren't I?"

"Let me tell you what it's like to be seven in this city."

"We tried a vegan Thanksgiving this year, but our family still showed up."

"I see the empty nest as a place where an apartment can finally grow up."

"Don't be scared, David! Mommy's here with your crumb of validation."