"I was spreading some risk around, and apparently it all wound up in your portfolio."
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financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial advice, portfolio, portfolios, investor, investors, investment, investments, risk, risks, risk taker, risk takers, risky investment, risky investments, stockbroker, stockbrokers, money problem, money troubles, financial problems, financial troubles"Right now I think the wisest strategy is to diversify among your mattresses."
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economy, money, diversify, mattress, recession, hide money, hides money, hiding money, mattresses, economic recession, economic recessions, recession, recessions, market crash, market crashes, strategy, strategies, strategize, strategizes, investor, investors, investment advice, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, mankoff"If we're being honest, it was your decision to follow my recommendations that cost you money."
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recommendation, recommendations, recommend, recommends, stock, stocks, stock market, stockbroker, stockbrokers, stock broker, stock brokers, broker, brokers, portfolio, portfolios, investor, investors, investment, investments, investing, investment advice, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advice, accountant, accounting, accounting firm, accounting firms"I don't know how the gods feel, but sacrificing financial advisors makes me feel happy."
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sacrifice, sacrifices, sacrificing, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, god, gods, human sacrifices, human sacrificing, volcano, volcanoes, crook, crooks, hated, hatred, hatreds, stockbroker, stockbrokers, broker, brokers, money manager, money managers, pariah, pariahs, social outcast, social outcasts, unpopular, unpopularity"Looks like broker-assisted suicide."
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stockbroker, stockbrokers, broker, brokers, stock, stocks, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial, financials, finance, finances, bankrupt, bankruptcy, bankruptcies, bankrupted, assisted suicide, assisted suicides, depression, depressions, depressed, portfolio, portfoliosUnusual Retirement Plans
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pension, pensions, pensioner, pensioners, 401k, 401ks, 401(k), retirement savings, retirement savings account, retirement savings accounts, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial planner, financial planners, investment, investments, investing, investor, investors, savings, savings account, savings account, irresponsible"This stock market situation - what are the military options?"
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stock market, stock markets, stock exchange, stock exchanges, stock broker, stock brokers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, military option, military options, general, generals, recession, recessions, economic downturn, economic downturns, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers"Instead, let me be your investment advisor and get you eleven-per-cent return, year in and year out, regardless of market conditions."
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david, goliath, investment advisor, investment adviser, investment advisers, investment advisors, investor, investors, investment, investments, money advice, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, bible, bibles, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories, old testament, war, wars, conflict, conflicts"You can't learn the path to financial independence from just ANY infomercial."
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financial independence, infomercial, infomercials, ad, ads, advert, adverts, advertisement, avertisements, advertising, financial advice, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, sarcasm, sarcastic, snob, snobs, snobby, elite, elitist, elitists, independent life, independent lives, finances, personal finances"I still haven't found any gold for my portfolio."
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gold, investment, investments, goldbug, goldbugs, gold-bug, gold-bugs, portfolio, portfolios, diversify, diversifies, diversifying, commodity, commodities, commodity trader, commodity traders, inferior good, inferior goods, investor, investors, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, pan for gold, pans for gold, panning for gold, gold rush"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."
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cliche, cliches, proverb, proverbs, monkey see, monkey do, investor, investors, investment, investments, hedge fund, hedge funds, monkey, monkeys, primate, primates, imitate, imitates, imitating, imitation, imitations, market fluctuation, market fluctuations, marketplace, marketplaces, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors"I'm sorry. Mr. Broadbank seems to have stepped away from his desk."
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financial crisis, market crash, market crashes, crash, crashes, great recession, recession, recessions, secretary, secretaries, unflappable, placid, calm, demeanor, demeanors, demeanour, suicidal, executive, executives, business executive, banker, bankers, banking, housing crash, housing crashes, market correction, market corrections, finances, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers"Well, anyhow, it sure is handy having my broker right here in my cell!"
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broker, brokers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, cell, cells, cellmate, cellmates, white collar crime, white collar crimes, prison, prisons, prisoner, prisoners, jail, jails, stock broker, stock brokers, financial crime, financial crimes, investor, investors, investment, investments, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, broker, brokers"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."
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therapy, therapist, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, psychiatry, shrink, shrinks, mental health, analyst, analysts, psychotherapy, psychology, psychoanalysis, headshrinker, headshrinkers, therapy session, therapy sessions, solicitor, solicitors, attorney, attorneys, lawyer, lawyers, barrister, barristers, counsel, counselor, prosecutors, defense attorney, defense attorneys, accountant, accountants, financial advisor, financial advisors, bookkeeping, bookkeepers, bookkeeper, options, choices, advice, advise, advising, advisor, couples, couples counseling, technicality, technicalities, reproductive endocrinologist, reproductive endocrinology, fertility, fertility clinic, infertility, slow, slowly, slowpoke, slowpokes"Whatever the economy is doing, it's doing it without me."
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economy, good economy, good economies, average worker, average workers, left behind, average person, average people, personal finances, finances, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, employment, employment rate, wage, wages, wage inequality, wage growth, job growth, fired, firing, firings, layoff, layoffs, laid off, injustice, white collar job, white collar jobs"Of course he looks peaceful - he's lived his entire life in a bull market."
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investor, investors, investment, investments, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, bull market, bull markets, hospital, hospitals, patient, patients, peaceful, financial advice, stock market, stock markets, stockbroker, stockbrokers, broker, brokers, stock, stocks"It's Alan Greenspan - he thinks we're moving too fast."
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alan greenspan, economist, economists, chairman of the federal reserve, chair of the federal reserve, chair, chairs, federal reserve, economic forecast, economic forecasts, economic indicator, economic indicators, relationship advice, relationship, girlfriends, boyfriend, boyfriends, love life, love-life, date, dates, slowing down, moving too fast, move too fast, economic advisor, economic advisors, economic adviser, economic advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers"I never discuss my clients with their mothers."
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mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, client, clients, client privilege, client privacy, client confidentiality, confidentiality, confidential, privacy, private, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellor, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, barrister, barrister, solicitor, solicitors, accountant, accountants, financial advisor, financial advisors, bookkeeping, bookkeepers, bookkeeper, therapy, therapist, counseling, counselor, shrink, shrinks, analyst, analysts, psychiatry, counsellor, counsellors"Don't worry about the two billion, Max—we've all done stupid things."
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money, finances, business, businessman, businessmen, investor, investors, broker, brokers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, trader, traders, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, financier, financiers, banker, bankers, bank, banks, banking, mistake, mistakes, error, errors, billion, billions, stupid, dumb, incompetent, incompetence, incompetent, rich, wealthy, wealth, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, corporate, corporation, corporations, company, companies, drop in the bucket"I'll be okay when I retire. I'm maxing out my 401(K), stepping up my IRA contributions, and three times a year I bury two duffle bags filled with unmarked bills in my backyard."
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saving, savings, retirement plan, retirement plans, retirement fund, retirement funds, retirement planning, unmarked bill, unmarked bills, ira contribution, ira contributions, 401k, 401(k), retirement, retirements, saving, savings, savings account, savings accounts, financial advice, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors"We have half your money in bonds and annuities, the other half under an oak tree in the Caymans."
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financial advisor, financial advisors, pirate, pirates, pirate captain, pirate captains, bonds, annuity, annuities, tax avoidance, tax evasion, tax dodging, tax avoider, tax avoiders, tax dodger, tax dodgers, tax evader, tax evaders, offshore account, offshore accounts, offshore bank account, offshore bank accounts, offshore banking, tax haven, tax havens"Forget the allowance. I'm getting more than I need from venture capital."
Dave And His Common-Law Accountant, Phil
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common-law, common-law marriage, common law marriages, common-law partner, common-law partners, accountant, accountants, accounting, modern life, home life, home lives, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, money, penny-pincher, money-driven, finances, personal finances, personal finance"How can a fund that's loosing us money call itself socially responsible?"
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financial planning, financial plan, retirement, retiring, retire, investment, investments, fund, funds, mutual fund, mutual funds, 401(k), 401k, 401ks, money market, market, stock market, trading, trade, stock trading, stock trader, stock trade, socially responsible investing, bad investment, bad investments, money, financial advisor, financial advisors, day trader, day traders, day trading, personal finances, market crash, market crashes