"The ringing in your ears-I think I can help."
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tinnitus, ring, rings, ringing, ear, ears, ear trouble, ear troubles, ear problem, ear problems, ear infection, ear infections, cow, cows, cattle, cowbell, cowbells, cow bell, cow bells, bell, bells, diagnosis, diagnoses, checkup, checkups, check up, check ups, doctor, doctors, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, family doctor, family doctors"All these years, and you haven't listened to a damn thing I've said, have you?"
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obese, obesity, weight problem, weight problems, fat, fatness, weight issue, weight issues, fat epidemic, fat problem, fat problem, obesity problem, fat, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, doctor, doctors, medical advice, checkup, checkups, check up, check ups, check-up, check-ups, physical, physicals"This is a second opinion. At first, I thought you had something else."
"We're pretty sure it was the dissolving stitches."
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teddy, teddy bear, teddy bears, stuffed animal, stuffed animals, toy, toys, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians, surgeon, surgeons, surgery, surgeries, operation, operations, stitches, dissolving stitches"Your skin. Genuine Leather."
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cow, cows, leather, genuine leather, cattle, skin condition, skin conditions, bad skin, doctor, doctors, md, mds, m.d.s, m.d., gp, gps, g.p.s, g.p., general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, clinic, clinics, doctors clinic, doctors clinics, doctor's clinic, doctor's clinics, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, farm animal, farm animals, doctor's appointments"I'd like you to see a botanist. You exhibit many of the symptoms of Dutch elm disease."
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doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, md, mds, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, diagnose, diagnosis, diagnoses, botany, botanist, botanists, dutch elm disease, symptom, symptoms, second opinion, second opinions, refer, referral, referrals, elm tree, elm trees, ded, fungi, fungus, elm, elms, tree disease, tree diseases, plant doctor, plant doctors"Now that's the kind of positive attitude I'm really going to miss."
"We're out of flu shots."
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clinic, clinics, doctor, doctors, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, md, mds, doctors surgery, doctor's surgery, doctor's surgeries, doctors surgeries, flu shot, flu shots, flu-shot, flu-shots, flu jab, flu jabs, flu-jabs, flu-jab, tissue, tissue, box of tissues, replacement, replacements, substitute, substitution, substituting, substitutions, inadequate, inadequacy, unreliable, unreliability, health care, underfunded, cut backs, cutbacks, cut back, cutbacks, public spending, public spending cuts"Good news, Mr. Pickett—it's just a slow leak."
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doctor, doctors, nurse, medical, medical center, medical centers, medical centre, medical centres, hospital, hospitals, gps, gp, general practitioner, general practitioners, surgery, surgeries, checkup, physical, physician, physicians, doctor's office, doctors office, doctor's offices, doctors offices, patient, patients, old age, old people, old men, old man, age, ages, aging, ageing, elderly"Look – now I've gone and caught your stupid disease!"
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doctor, doctors, doctors surgery, doctors surgeries, exam room, examination room, medical examination, medical examinations, medical, gp, general practitioner, gps, general practitioners, family doctor, family doctors, disease, diseases, contagious, contagious disease, contagious diseases, contagion, infectious disease, infectious diseases, infectious, infection, bedside manner, bad bedside manner, unprofessional, unprofessional behavior, unprofessional behaviour,"If it's such a simple procedure, why can't we remove the kryptonite right here and now?"
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procedure, procedures, surgery, surgeries, weakness, weaknesses, power, powers, superpower, superpowers, superhero, superheros, hero, heros, heroes, patient, patients, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians"You're clinically boring."
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diagnosis, medical diagnosis, clinical diagnosis, doctor, doctors, md, mds, gp, general practitioner, general practitioners, clinic, clinics, walk in clinics, walk in clinic, appointment, appointments, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, boring, bored, boring people, boring person, dull, dull people, dull person, tedious people, tedious person, tedious, uninteresting people, uninteresting, uninteresting person, insult, insulted, incorrect diagnosis, wrong diagnosis, misdiagnosis, diagnois error"That just never gets old!"
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swell, swells, swelling, swellings, nurse, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, physical, physicals, blood pressure, hand, hands, taking blood pressure, appointment, appointments, gp, gps, general practitioner, general practitioners, pump, pumps, pumping, pump up, pumps up, pumping up, unnerve, unnerves, unnerves, swollen, nurse, registered nurse, registered nurses, amuse, amuses, amusement, amusements"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."
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medical, medicine, depression, therapist, therapists, psychiatrist, psychiatrists, psychologist, psychologists, antidepressant, antidepressants, doctor, doctors, doctors office, doctors offices, physician, physicians, general practitioner, general practitioners, medication, diet, diets, cocktail olives, olive, olives, rock bottom"But before you even think about going under the knife, I'd like to recommend a good pluck and cook man."
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vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, bird, birds, chicken, chickens, hen, hens, rooster, roosters, play on words, word play, wordplay, under the knife, surgery, surgeries, operate, operation, operations, surgeon, surgeons, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians, chef, chefs, cook, cooks"Congratulations, counselor - it's a baby boy, with a full set of teeth."
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maternity ward, maternity wards, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians, father, fathers, dad, dads, fatherhood, fathering, son, sons, kid, kids, child, children, childhood, family, families, parent, parents, parenting, parenthood, teeth, newborn, baby, babies"You have a yeast infection."
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cookie, cookies, yeast, yeast infection, yeast infections, play on words, word play, wordplay, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians, baking"You need a chicken-liver transplant."
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vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, livestock, chicken, chickens, hen, hens, rooster, roosters, bird, birds, pet, pets, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians"Lemme tell you how I feel about high blood pressure, Mr. McGuinn."
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blood pressure, high blood pressure, piano, pianos, pianist, pianists, music, musician, musicians, nag, nagging, lecture, lectured, bad health, doctor, doctors, general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians"You're the picture of health - and by the way, I'm totally in love with you."