"Science is baffled. I hope you're happy."
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check-up, check up, check ups, check-ups, check, checks, doctor, doctors, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, clinic, clinics, physician, physical, physical exam, exam, examination, appointment, appointments, doctor, doctors, healthy, healthily, healthy lifestyle, lifestyle, lifestyles, lifestyle change, get well, get well soon, baffled, baffle, visual gag, line, lines, abstract, squiggle, squiggly, science is"Worse."
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snellen chart, vision, visual, optics, optical, optician, opticians, doctor, doctors, interrogation, gunman, gun to head, gun to his head, interrogate, interrogates, optomologist, optomologists, optometrist, optometrists, eye, eyes, glasses, exam, examination, examinations, kidnap, kidnapped, on pain of death, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, get well, get well soon"We began with a hip replacement and just sort of riffed off that."
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replacement, hip replacement, robot, robots, bits and bobs, trash, garage sale, yard sale, replaced, replace, upgrade, upgrades, prosthetic, prosthetics, amputees, prosthesis, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, get well, get well soon, hospital, hospitals, doctor, doctors, hip, hips, joint, joints, arthritis, growing old, older, age, aged, ageing"Come quickly—I think I had an out-of-pocket experience."
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doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, medicine, medicines, health, healthy, health-care, health care, healthcare, medicare, medi care, obamacare, obama care, health insurance, insurance, medical insurance, patient, patients, nurse, out-of-pocket, out of pocket, illness, ill, sick, sickness, disease, diseases, get well, get well soon, critic, critical, critique, critically"But think of all the things you're not going to die of."
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bearer, bearer of bad news, bad news, terminal, terminally, terminal illness, illness, ill, sick, sickness, healthy, medically, doctor, doctors, consultant, consulting, depressed, depressing, depression, mortality, mortal, get well, get well soon, morbid, morbidly, gallows humor, gallows humour, death, dead, dying, die, died, die of, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, check up, check-up, appointment"I can cure your back problem, but there's a risk that you'll be left with nothing to talk about."
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harsh truths, hard truths, hard truth, honest, honesty, check-up, check up, check ups, check-ups, back, backpain, back pain, back-pain, nothing to talk about, nothing, conversation, topic, topics, check, checks, doctor, doctors, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, clinic, clinics, physician, physical, physical exam, exam, examination, appointment, appointments, doctor, doctors, healthy, healthily, healthy lifestyle, lifestyle, lifestyles, lifestyle change, get well, get well soon, fit, fitness"There's a cure—but it's light-years away."
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alien, aliens, time, time travel, science fiction, sci fi, scifi, sci-fi, science-fiction, doctor, doctors, cure, cures, medical, medicals, surgery, surgeon, ill, illness, illnesses, patient, patients, get well, get well soon, terminal, disease, diseases, diseased, health, healthy, healthcare, health care, medicare, medi care, obamacare, obama care, doctor doctor"There's a cure—but it's light-years away."
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alien, aliens, time, time travel, science fiction, sci fi, scifi, sci-fi, science-fiction, doctor, doctors, cure, cures, medical, medicals, surgery, surgeon, ill, illness, illnesses, patient, patients, get well, get well soon, terminal, disease, diseases, diseased, health, healthy, healthcare, health care, medicare, medi care, obamacare, obama care, doctor doctorMRI Magician
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cat scan, catscan, cat scans, mri, mri machine, mri machines, tech, technological, magic, magical, magicians, magician, visual, visual gag, visual joke, hospital, hospitals, scan, scans, doctor, doctors, specialist, specialists, miracle, medical miracle, patient, patients, magic trick, magic tricks, classic magic, classic magic trick, get well, get well soon, illness, illnesses, faith, hav faith"If it's any consolation, he seemed like a bit of a jerk."
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bad news, good news, death, dead, die, died, dying, doctor, doctors, bearer of bad news, be the bearer, communication, bedside, bedside manner, manners, jerk, jerks, surgeon, surgery, surgeons, terminal, lost him, hospital, hospitals, waiting room, waiting rooms, tact, tactless, tactful, no loss, no big deal, married, marriage, get well, get well soon"Are you sure you can cure me of leg cramps?"
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foodie, foodies, food lover, food lovers, chef, chefs, cooking, cookery, cooks, french, french cooking, french cuisine, frog, frogs, frogs legs, dramatic irony, irony, ironic, ironically, frog's legs, frog legs, exotic, exotically, doctor, doctors, lie, lies, convince, convinced, convincing, convinces, cure, cures, cured, medical, hospital, hospitals, get well, get well soonHunter-Catheters
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cave, caveman, prehistory, prehistoric, pre historic, pre-historic, pre-history, cavemen, neanderthal, neanderthals, homo sapien, homo sapiens, homo erectus, early man, early men, stone age, stone-age, stone ages, stone-ages, dark age, dark-age, iron age, iron ages, bronze age, bronze ages, catheter, homo habilis, play on words, pun, puns, word play, word-play, age, old age, ageing, growing old, medical, gross out, gross-out, catheters, wheelchair, wheelchairs, incontinence, incontinent, get well, get well soon"I lost the hand to a shark, the leg to a barracuda, and the gallbladder to Dr. Steven Erlich."
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culture clash, literature, literary, culture, cultural, lit major, book, books, book lover, book lovers, bookish, book worm, book worms, pop culture, pop culture reference, moby dick, moby, white whale, whale, whales, whaling, mount, mounted, hunt, hunting, hunter, hunters, trope, tropes, cliche, cliches, captain, capn, cap'n, amputate, amputated, amputations, hook, hooks, peg leg, wooden leg, sailor, sailors, rugged, shark, barracuda, doctor, doctors, get well soon, get well, surgeon, surgeryGet-Well Cards For Moods
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mental health, mental, health, healthy, hidden illness, hidden, invisible illness, illness, get-well, get well, get well soon, depression, depress, depressed, angst, hope, hopeful, kind, kindness, understanding, understand, considerate, anxiety, anxious, low, low mood, low-mood, friend, friendship, here to help, card, cards, greeting card, greetings cards, greetings card"The doctor didn't make it."
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operate, operating, operation, operations, surgery, surgeon, surgeries, illness, illnesses, disease, diseases, unhealthy, ill health, get well, get well soon, healthy, health, medical, medicine, medicines, doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals, healthcare, terminal, dark humor, reversal, role reversal, dark humour, black humor, black humour, gown"The good news is it's the size of a baseball."
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tumour, tumours, tumor, tumors, baseball, baseballs, sport, sports, sportsman, sporting, base ball, the game, last inning, final inning, terminal, doctor, doctors, medicine, medicines, good news, bad news, good news and bad news, apt, appropriate, hospital, hospitals, gallows humor, black humor, dark humor, gallows humour, black humour, dark humour, get well, get well soon"You the guy who donated his body to science?”
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be the bearer of bad news, bad news, bearer of bad news, science, donation, donate to science, donate, donated, organ donation, medicine, doctor, doctors, unexpected, health, healthcare, healthy, death's door, dark humor, dark humour, black humor, black humour, cadaver, cadavers, medical training, junior doctor, specimen, specimens, consultant, consultation, checkup, check-up, checkups, check up, get well, get well soon, well wishesLimited Edition Cards
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greeting card, greetings cards, greetings card, gun, guns, sport, sports, hunting, hunting, rifle, rifles, game hunting, game, get well, get well soon, get-well, commiseration, commiserations, death, dead, dying, injury, injured, politics, dick cheney, presidential, vice president, cheney, political, us politics, usa, united states, political figures"You're not so much crying on the inside as severely hemorrhaging."
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doctor, doctors, patient, patients, death, dead, dying, die, dies, clown, clowns, sad clown, circus, carny, carnie, carnies, sick, sickness, ill, illness, healthy, health scare, get well, get well soon, terminal, terminally, examination, examining, consultant, hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, hemorrhaging, hemorrhage, crying inside, smile, smiling, smilesPainter Achieves A Few Seconds Of Flight As Ladder Falls
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flight, fly, flies, flying, bird, birds, wing, wings, flapping, flap, flaps, the gift of flight, gift of flight, painting, painter, paint, paints, house painter, house painting, house, home, homes, health, health and safety, safety, safety at work, tunkle, tunkle brothers, clumsy, clumsiness, cowboy, cowboy builder, cowboy builders, contractor, contractors, contracted, contracting, construction, constructions, physical, physical comedy, slapstick, slap stick, get well, get well soon, accident, accident at work"According to our waiting-room security cam, you're fidgety and have a constant head itch."
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nsa, surveillance, surveillance camera, surveillance cameras, cameras, cctv, camera, security camera, security, privacy, personal privacy, big, brother, orwellian, waiting room, waiting-room, fidget, fidgeting, fidgety, itch, itching, itchy, itches, lice, headlice, head-lice, head lice, louse, private, privacy policy, privacy policies, surgeon, surgery, consultant, doctor, doctors, medicine, medical, security cam, health, healthy, illness, sick, sickness, ill, get well, get well soon"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."
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brain, brains, brainy, dumb, dumber, idiot, idiots, idiocy, idiotic, good news and bad news, bad news, bearer of bad news, smart, smarts, intelligence, intelligent, iq, doctor, doctors, surgeon, surgeons, hospital, hospitals, medicine, medicines, appointment, appointments, pea brain, small brain, get well, get well soon, hard truth, frank, frankness, blunt, bluntness"I'm afraid that kidney went to somebody who can write code."
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utility, utilitarian, utilitarianism, kidney, transplant, transplants, waiting list, modern medicine, organ, organs, organ donation, donation, donations, organ donor, donor, donors, operate, operated, operation, operations, ill, illness, sick, sickness, computer science, priority, prioritise, prioritize, prioritised, prioritized, useful, usefulness, job, jobs, job market, capitalism, capitalist, merit, meritocracy, meritocratic, philosophy, hospital, hospitals, surgery, surgeon, surgeons, get well, get well soon, health, health insurance, insurance, money"He's Still Quite Handsome, Despite What Happened."
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blob, blobby, ugly, ugliness, surreal, surreal imagery, strange, strangeness, handsome, love, eternal love, loving, care, caring, adore, adored, skin deep, beautiful, beauty, accident, accidents, get well, get well soon, unfortunate, unfortunately, misfortune, misfortunes, true love, enduring love, unconditional, enduring, married, marriage, married life