Headline Cartoons

"Extra! Extra! News of a gentler, bygone time!"

"He's from PM."

"Those are the headlines, and we'll be back in a moment to blow them out of proportion."

"Now here's my co-anchor, Nancy, with a conflicting account of that very same story."

Man on Desert Island reads about himself.

Big Newspaper Delivery

"Have you consider the possibility that I don't want the paper?"

"I don't suppose there's another once-in-a-lifetime astronomical phenomenon coming up soon?"

"This is your ninety-nine-per-cent-news-free six-o'clock news."

"You look sensational!"

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"Wait, this is yesterday's."

"It looks like it's going to be a slow news night."

"Who am I to question our government's policies? I'll tell you who I am! I'm Bernard A. Nesbitt, who reads the 'Times,' the 'Wall Street Journal,' the 'Post,' 'Newsweek,' 'Time,' 'Business Week,' 'U.S.News & World Report,' 'Look,' 'Life,' and 'Saturday Evening Post.' That's who I am!"

A man looking like Mikhail Gorbachev appearing yesterday with a man looking like George Bush to announce a plan that sounds like a pretty good idea.

"You'll get a chuckle out of what Maureen Dowd says about you in today's 'Times'."

"You can't insult me, sir. I've been mocked by the press."

"If you use up all your worry today what will you have tomorrow?"

"This just in: there's no such thing as breaking news."

Supermarket Newscaster

"We opened our newscast with the question, 'Did a U.F.O. land on Staten Island?' We can now report that did not happen."

"And now, if you don't want to know today's Dow Jones closing, look away from your set until the music stops."

"Hey, cool, there's stuff written on the back of the crawl."

"First, we numb you by showing you today's headlines."