"I'm looking for a hedge against my hedge funds."
Man with a Plan
"I'm a Schedule D kind of guy with a little Schedule E thrown in."
Tags:schedule d, schedule e, accountant, accountants, accounting, 1040, 1040 form, 1040 forms, investor, investors, asset, assets, broke, lose money, loses money, losing money, investment, investments, broker, brokers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, tax return, tax returns, penniless, loss, losses, financial loss, financial losses, hedge fund, hedge funds, hedge fund manager, hedge fund managers, tax season, taxes, filing taxes, personality type, personality types, date, dates, dinner date, dinner dates, insolvent, insolvency
"Invest? No offense, but I've read about you guys."
Tags:invest, invests, investment, investments, crook, crooks, investor, investors, hedge fund, hedge funds, hedge fund manager, hedge fund managers, criminal, criminals, thief, thieves, unsavory, unsavoury, distrust, distrusts, distrusting, distrustful, money manager, money managers, stock market, stock, stocks, stocks and bonds, bad reputation, bad reputations, reputation, reputations
"You realize, of course, that any attempt on my part to profit by this information would put me at risk of an investigation by the S.E.C."
"Actually, 'Monkey see, monkey do' has served me quite well in this market."
Tags:cliche, cliches, proverb, proverbs, monkey see, monkey do, investor, investors, investment, investments, hedge fund, hedge funds, monkey, monkeys, primate, primates, imitate, imitates, imitating, imitation, imitations, market fluctuation, market fluctuations, marketplace, marketplaces, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors
The Tooth Accountant
Tags:tooth fairy, tooth fairies, accountant, accountants, accounting, accounting firms, bitcoin, bitcoins, mutual fund, mutual funds, investment, investments, investor, investors, hedge fund, hedge funds, stockbroker, stockbrokers, broker, brokers, portfolio, stock market, stocks and bonds, stock, stocks, bond, bonds, negotiate, negotiating, negotiator, negotiators, long-term, long-term thinking, long-term thought, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers
"And then I thought, what better hedge than a uranium centrifuge?"
"I was at a high-powered investment firm for seven years and a high-powered penal institution for a year and a half."
Tags:investment, investments, investment firm, investment firms, white collar crime, white collar criminal, white collar criminals, corporate crime, corporate criminal, corporate criminals, hedge fund, hedge funds, hedge fund operator, hedge fund operators, penal institution, penal institutions, hiring, qualification, qualifications, investor, investors, inside trading, insider trading
"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."
Tags:garden, gardens, gardening, gardener, gardeners, hedge, hedges, hedge fund, hedge funds, retirement, retiree, retirees, bank, banks, banking, banker, bankers, investor, investors, investing, investment, investments, trader, traders, wall street, stockbroker, stockbrokers, stock market, stock markets, green thumb, word play, wordplay, play on words
"O.K., don't e-mail this to anyone, but we're shorting black big time."
Tags:roulette, investments, business, shortsell, shortsells, shortselling, shorting, short sell, short sells, short selling, gamble, gambles, gambling, gambler, gamblers, investor, investors, investment, investments, hedge fund, hedge funds, investment advisor, investment advisors, investment advice, mankoff
"And that's how Twitter almost crashed the Dow."
Tags:stock, stock price, stock prices, dow, dow jones, down jones industrial average, djia, investor, investors, stock, stocks, stockmarket, stockmarkets, scary story, scary stories, campfire, campfires, campfire story, campfire stories, hedge fund, hedge funds, storyteller, storytellers, storytelling, frighten, frightens, frightening, spook, spooks, spooky, spookiness, camp, camps, camping, crash, crashes, crashing, market crash, shortsell, short sell, shorting, short selling, correction, market correction, market corrections
"We have a fund with a new, advanced financial strategy but it hasn't been tested on humans.''
Cigars for the Upcoming Bear Market
Tags:bear market, bear markets, downturn, downturns, economic downturn, economic downturns, recession, recessions, hedge, hedges, hedge fund, hedge funds, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, crash, crashes, economic crash, economic crashes, consumer confidence, confident, confidence, market correction, market corrections, anxiety, anxieties, anxious, anxiousness, worry, worries, worrying, worried, concern, concerns, stress relief, cigar, cigar smoker, cigar smokers, smoker, smokers
"Unfortunately, it turns out my marriage was pegged to the dollar."
Tags:marry for money, marrying for money, rich, riches, rich guy, rich guys, marry, marriage, businessman, businessmen, dollar, dollars, currency, currencies, currency market, currency markets, foreign exchange, investor, investors, investment, investments, investing, hedge fund, hedge funds, hedge fund manager, hedge fund managers, divorce, divorces, divorcing, split up, splits up, splitting up, breakup, breakups, break-up, break-ups