"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."
"I see by your résumé that you're a woman."
Tags:
resume, resumes, diversity, diversity hire, diversity hires, hiring, hire, hires, hiring officer, hiring officers, c/v, c/vs, feminist, feminists, feminism, glass ceiling, misogynist, misogynists, misogyny, qualification, qualifications, qualified, sexist, sexists, application, applications, job application, job applications"What the hell? We could use an idiot."
Tags:
idiot, idiots, hiring, hire, hires, hired, new guy, new guys, diversity, workplace diversity, diversity hire, diversity hires, positive discrimination, moron, morons, unqualified, incompetent, incompetence, application, applications, interview, interviews, interviewing, job interview, job interviews, worker, workers, working, colleague, colleagues, co-worker, co-workers"And, finally, are you now or have you ever been disgruntled?"
Tags:
disgruntled, warning sign, warning signs, employee, employees, hire, hires, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, personnel, personnel department, paranoia, paranoid, mass shooting, mass shootings, shooting, shootings, postal, going postal, job satisfaction, worker satisfactions, satisfaction, human resources"We're looking for people to fire."
Tags:
honest, honesty, honesty is the best policy, hire, hired, hiring, hires, personnel, hr, h r, h.r., human resources, business, big business, businessman, businessmen, business man, business men, exec, execs, executive, manager, management, corporate, corporation, corporations, employment, employed, fire, fired, firing, office worker, office drone, office drones, excuse, excuses, interview, interviews, interview skills, capitalism, late stage capitalism, sardonic, sarcastic"I'm so glad you decided to participate in our Money for Employment program."
Tags:
work, working, works, world of work, worker, employ, employment, employing, recruit, recruiting, recruiter, recruitment, employed, employs, word play, word, play on words, hire, hires, hired, you're hired, money, pay, paid, pay day, payday, business, business, exploit, exploitation, capital, capitalism, capitalist, critical, critic, critique, office, offices'Where's My Job'
Tags:
world of work, new job, new hire, hiring, hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, human resource, human resources, hr, h r, pun, puns, word play, word-play, play on words, waldo, wally, invisible, invisible homeless, homeless, hobo, bum, job, jobs, fired, fire, unemployment, unemployed, dole, on the dole, benefits, public benefit, public benefits, beg, begging, beggar, beggars, character, characters"You fellas need a job?"
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wall, walls, border wall, border walls, border fence, border fences, mexico, mexican wall, mexican walls, laborer, laborers, outsource, outsources, outsourcing, hire, hires, hiring, construction, construction worker, construction workers, immigrant, immigrants, immigration, anti-immigration, trump, donald trump, border, borders, racism"We already have an eight-hundred-pound gorilla."
Tags:
800 lb gorilla, 800 pound gorilla, eight hundred pound gorilla, hire, hires, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, job interview, job interviews, redundant, redundancy, skill, skills, skillset, skillsets, skill set, skill sets, personnel, personnel department, hr department, human resources, qualified, qualifying, job candidate, job candidates, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, stand out, stands out, standing out, unique"This resume appears to cover only the last forty-five minutes."
Tags:
new, recruit, recruiting, experience, experiences, resume, resumes, cv, curriculum vitae, lacking, lacks, lack, inexperienced, inexperience, youth, young, qualification, qualifications, under-qualified, under qualified, recruit, recruitment, recruiting, recruits, recruiter, recruiters, training, trainers, interview, interviews, hiring, hires, hired, hires"Miss Gaines, send in someone who reminds me of myself as a lad."
Tags:
intercom, executive, ceo, chief executive officer, middle aged, middle age, middle-aged, middle-age, cliche, cliches, phrase, phrases, business, businesses, film, tb, cliched, interview, promotion, interviews, promotions, recruitment, hiring, hire, hires, old ageJones or Best Offer
Tags:
best offer, best offers, airport, airports, greet, greets, greeting, concierge, concierges, driver, drivers, driving, hired car, hired cars, car hire, car hires, mercenary, mercenaries, merc, mercs, airline, airlines, airline passenger, airline passengers, aeroplane, aeroplanes, hire, hired, hires, hiring, for hire, disloyal, disloyalty"It's not that I don't like the job you're doing—it's just that I'd like to start seeing other people do it."
Tags:
honest, honesty, honesty is the best policy, hire, hired, hiring, hires, personnel, hr, h r, h.r., human resources, business, big business, businessman, businessmen, business man, business men, exec, execs, executive, manager, management, corporate, corporation, corporations, employment, employed, fire, fired, firing, office worker, office drone, office drones, excuse, excuses, workplace, unfair, job, jobs, working world, world of work, capitalism, late stage capitalism, sardonic, sarcastic"The salary is unimportant—I'll just siphon off what I need."
Tags:
businesses, money, corrupt, corruption, corporate, corporation, executive, executives, human resources, hiring, hires, recruit, recruits, hired, embezzle, embezzled, embezzling, corporate culture, elite, elites, elitism, ethic, ethical, ethics, morals, morality, crime, criminal, criminals, human resource, human-resources, human-resource, corrupts, embezzlement"I fear there are only so many bamboo metaphors the average reader can tolerate."
Tags:
interview, interviews, interviewer, interviewee, interview skills, interview skill, get hired, hired, hiree, hiring, hires, new hire, new hires, panda, pandas, talking animal, talking animals, job, jobs, new job, new jobs, working world, work, world of work, editorial, editor, editors, censor, censorship, metaphor, metaphors, puns, pun, overused, overuse, over used, over use, bamboo, bamboo joke, panda, pandas, cute, cute animals, manuscript, manuscripts, agent, agents, rejection, reject, rejected, book, books, bookish, book worm, book worms"Where's Waldo in five years?"
Tags:
where, where do you see yourself, in five years, five year plan, five-year plan, five-year-plan, planning, plan, plans, planned, career, careers, career plan, career advice, careers advice, job, jobs, job interview, interviews, interviewing, resume, good resume, cv, good cv, c v, interview skills, world of work, new job, new hire, hiring, hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, human resource, human resources, hr, h r, pun, puns, word play, word-play, play on words"I'll be frank - we offered it to Mario Cuomo first, but he turned it down."
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mario cuomo, supreme court, supreme court nomination, supreme court nominations, employment agency, employment agency, employment agencies, unemployment, unemployment officer, unemployment officers, temp, temps, temp worker, temp workers, candidate, candidates, job candidate, job candidates, justice, justices, supreme court justice, supreme court justices, united states, usa, united states of america, hire, hires, hiring officer, hiring officers, job interview, job interviews, interviewing"Right now it's between you and two hundred and fifty other people who came to Seattle, moved in with five roommates, joined a band, took a job in a coffee bar, got fed up, had a meeting with themselves, and decided it was time to go out and find a real job."
Tags:
hire, hires, hiring, seattle, cliche, cliches, millennial, millennials, slacker, slackers, slack off, slacking off, 30, 30s, thirtysomething, thirtysomethings, personnel, hire, hires, hiring, new hire, new hires, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, c/v, c/vs, resume, resumesI'll do what everybody does–sell this startup just before we have to hire a female employee.
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sexist, gamer, gamers, gaming, tech company, tech companies, startup, startups, start-up, start-ups, silicon valley, women in the workplace, geek, geeks, geeky, male-dominated, glass ceiling, glass ceilings, feminist, feminists, feminism, misogyny, misogynist, misogynists, positive discrimination, affirmative action, hire, hires, new hire, bro, bros, tech bro, tech bros, diversity, diversity hire, diversity hires, discriminate, discriminates, discriminating, discrimination"And now I'd like you to join me in welcoming to the board Arne Savin from Morgan Stanley, Chet Bentson from Bankers Trust, and Tempest Dawn from 'Baywatch.'"
Tags:
hire, hires, hiring, women in the workplace, diversity hire, diversity hires, sexist, hiring practice, hiring practices, qualification, qualifications, unqualified, superficial, superficiality, board meeting, board meetings, chairman of the board, welcome, welcomes, welcoming, boardroom, boardrooms"I forgot to say I was breast-fed."
Tags:
breastfeed, breastfeeds, breastfeeding, qualification, qualifications, qualify, qualifies, qualifying, resume, resumes, personnel, personnel department, personnel departments, employment, employment agencies, padding your resume, unqualified, c/v, c/vs, cv, hire, hires, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, personnel, personnel department, personnel departments, hr department, hr departmentsStroll a Kid: $10 One Hour, $6 1/2 Hour.
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park, parks, walk, walking walks, walker, walkers, capitalism, capitalist, consumerism, consumerist, sell, selling, sales, hire, hires, hiring, rent, renting, relax, relaxing, outsource, outsourcing, charge, charging, cute, children, child, kid, kids, strolling, strolls, strolled, appearance, appearances, busy, businessman, businessmen, corporate culture, attitude"We only hire temps, and you have a look of permanence about you."
Tags:
temp, temps, temp worker, temp workers, office temp, office temps, permanent, permanence, permanent job, permanent jobs, worker, workers, workplace, workplaces, corporation, corporations, corporate culture, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, big corporation, big corporations, uncaring, hire, hires, hiring"Actually, the job calls for someone who is convex."
Tags:
concave, convex, shape, shapes, job, jobs, career, careers, job application, job applications, application, applications, reject, rejects, rejection, rejections, rejecting, bowl, bowls, qualification, qualifications, unqualified, job candidate, job candidates, candidate, candidates, disappointment, disappointments, rejected, hiring, hire, hires, hiring officer, hiring officers, geometry, geometric shape, geometric shapes"I'm going to write a figure on this paper. You tell me if it looks like a turtle."
Tags:
draw, draws, drawing, drawing contest, drawing contests, art school, art schools, executive, executives, business offer, business offers, turtle, turtles, money, figure, figures, job offer, job offers, hiring officer, hiring officers, hire, hires, hired, personnel, job interview, job interviews, recruitment, recruiting, job recruitment