"You're in luck. We have an opening for low man on the totem pole."
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totem pole, totem poles, hierarchy, hierarchies, corporate ladder, corporate ladders, corporation, corporations, entry level, entry level job, entry level jobs, job opening, job openings, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, personnel, personnel department, hr, hr department, h.r. department, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews"For the last time, Crawford, our firm is 'warm and fuzzy,' not 'touchy-feely.'"
"Sorry, Chief, but of course I didn't mean 'bimbo' in the pejorative sense."
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bimbo, bimbos, excuse, excuses, harassment, glass ceiling, glass ceilings, singled out, women in the workplace, belittle, belittling, comment, comments, sexist, human resources, hr department, h.r. department, pejorative, apology, apologies, formal apology, formal apologies, weak excuse, weak excuses, no offense, no offence"You understand I have to ask. You're not some sort of skinhead, are you?"
"We already have an eight-hundred-pound gorilla."
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800 lb gorilla, 800 pound gorilla, eight hundred pound gorilla, hire, hires, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, job interview, job interviews, redundant, redundancy, skill, skills, skillset, skillsets, skill set, skill sets, personnel, personnel department, hr department, human resources, qualified, qualifying, job candidate, job candidates, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, stand out, stands out, standing out, unique"Human Resources."
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hr, hr department, hr dept., human resources, human resources department, slave driver, slave drivers, taskmaster, taskmasters, slave ship, slave ships, office, offices, office worker, office workers, office drone, office drones, cruel, personnel, personnel department, personnel dept., whip, whips, crack the whip, cracking the whip, corporate culture, corporate hierarchy"Mr. Kendall would like to see one of those flashes of oddball humor."
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humor, humour, oddball humor, oddball humour, boss, bosses, manager, managers, upper class, upper classes, out of touch, elite, elites, spontaneous, spontaneity, executive, executives, ceo, ceos, request, requests, personnel, personnel department, hr department, hr departments, corporate hierarchy, corporate hierarchies, corporate ladder, corporate ladders"Welcome aboard, Withers. Now just go see Personnel on seven, and Pants on twelve."
"I forgot to say I was breast-fed."
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breastfeed, breastfeeds, breastfeeding, qualification, qualifications, qualify, qualifies, qualifying, resume, resumes, personnel, personnel department, personnel departments, employment, employment agencies, padding your resume, unqualified, c/v, c/vs, cv, hire, hires, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, personnel, personnel department, personnel departments, hr department, hr departments"As I entered the courthouse this morning, I distinctly heard a high-pitched kissing noise directed my way!"
"I think you should know that there are some here who wanted to desecrate your résumé."
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resume, resumes, competition, hr department, human resources department, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, job applicant, job application, job applications, job applicants, competitive, competitive job, competitive jobs, intimidate, intimidates, intimidating, intimidation, work environment, work environments, toxic"Welcome aboard!"
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pirate, pirates, piracy, pirate ship, pirate ships, hire, hired, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, hr department, human resources, personnel department, recruit, recruits, new recruit, new recruits, new job, new jobs, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, job offer, job offers, new recruit, new recruits, recruit, recruits, sailor, sailors, sailing"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."
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job interview, job interviews, hire, hires, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, condescend, condescends, condescending, resume, resumes, c/v, c/vs, cv, personnel, personnel department, hr, hr department, human resources, impressive resume, impressive resumes, employee, employees, prospective employee, prospective employees"Do I want the job? Huh, I never thought about it like that."
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job, jobs, job offer, job offers, desire, desires, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, recruit, recruits, recruiting, recruitment, lazy, laziness, position, positions, want, wants, need, needs, new perspective, new perspectives, different perspective, different perspectives, hr department, human resources, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers"Ideally, I'd like a work environment that's flip-flop friendly."
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flip-flop, flip-flops, casual friday, casual, dress code, dress codes, office attire, attire, dress, dress-up, dressing up, formal wear, unprofessional, work environment, work environments, preference, preferences, request, requests, job center, job centre, human resources, hr department, hr departments, entitled, entitlement"Tell me, where do you expect to be texting incessantly in five years?"
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text, texter, texters, texting, incessant texting, always texting, glued to the screen, glued to a screen, phone addict, phone addicts, interview, interview, interview question, interview questions, personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, hr department, hr departments, five year plan, performance review, performance reviews"I'll lay it out for you. We're cutting back, and we no longer need a dog."
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dog, dogs, office, offices, work, work place, fire, fires, fired, let go, letting go, let one go, letting one go, employee, employment, budget cut, budget cuts, cutting back, cut back, management, managers, hr, hr department, human resources department, dismiss.dismissed, lay off, laid off, sack, sacked, sacks, give one the boot, give him the boot, dog person, dog people, dog lover, dog lovers, dog owner, dog owners"Don't you think the whistle blowing will be more effective when you actually get the job?"
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whistle, whistles, whistling, whistled, blow, blowing, blows, blown, whistle blowing, whistleblowing, whistleblower, whistleblowers, recruitment, recruiting, recruit, recruits, hiring manager, hiring managers, interviewer, interviewee, interview, interviews, hr, hr department, hr departments, hr personnel, hiring department, unethical behaviour, unethical, unethical behavior, unprofessional, job, jobs, office, offices, organisation, organisations, corporate secret, corporate secrets"Humility is a virtue, but not on a resume."
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recruitment, recruitments, recruiter, recruiters, personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, hr department, hr departments, interview, interviews, interviewee, interviewees, job seeker, job seekers, job hunter, job hunters, job application, job applications, resume, resumes, cv, c.v., humility, humble"What company do you see yoursel starting when you leave this one in five years?"
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job, jobs, hire, hiring, manager, managers, hr, h.r., hr department, h.r. department, entrepreneur, entrepreneurs, entrepreneurship, hiring manager, hiring officer, hiring managers, future, future prospects, future prospect, venture, question, questionnaire, temp, temp job, temporary job, pessimist, pessimistic, realist, realistic"I have a high tolerance for tedium."
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high tolerance, tolerance, tolerant, tedium, tedious, tediousness, monotony, recruitment, recruitment officer, recruiter, recruiting, recruits, recruit, hr, hr department, hr personnel, human resources, interview, interviewing, interviews, interviewed, special skill, special skills, skill, skills, job, jobs, stand out, different, unique, right man for the job, office, offices, work, work place, work places, patient, patience"Give us a few days and we'll call to tell you we've given the job to someone else."
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recruit, recruiting, recruitment, recruitment officer, recruitment officers, hiring manager, hiring managers, interviewer, interviewee, interview, interviews, sugar coat, sugar coating, sugar coated, sugar coats, reject, rejects, rejection, rejecting, rejections, rejected, hire, hiring, job, jobs, hr department, human resources, human resourcing, hr, office, offices"You'll like it here, Ted, it's a scapegoat-rich environment,"
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office, offices, hire, hiring, new hire, employee, employees, new employee, scapegoat, scapegoats, blame, blaming, blame game, get away, pin on, point fingers at, work, work place, work places, hr, human resources, h.r., h.r. department, hr department, accuse, accusation, accusations, irresponsible, irresponsibility, unethical, immoral, immorality, manager, managers, management