"I've told you why I need a dog. Now suppose you tell me what makes you think you might be that dog."
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animal, animals, pet, pets, pet owner, pet owners, dog, dogs, dog owner, dog owners, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, recruiter, recruiters, recruitment, hr, h.r., human resources, business, businessman, businessmen, executive, executives, manager, managers, career, careers, job, work, employee, employees, prospective, potential, rich, wealthy, money, hiring"The trick, as I see it, is to insulate yourself with layers of deadwood."
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business practice, businessmen, big business, deadwood, hierarchy, hierarchies, businessman, white collar crime, trick, tricks, trickery, sneak, sneaking, sneaky, dishonest, unethical, ethical business, hiring, firing, personnel, human resources, human resource, hr, h.r., corporate, corporations, job security, office drone, office drones, layer, layers"I'm afraid your M.B.A. loses some of its lustre in light of the fact that you were home-schooled."
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m.b.a., mba, degree, degrees, master of business of administration, home school, homeschool, homeschooling, home schooling, homeschooled, home schooled, homeschooling problems, home schooling problems, education, education level, education levels, student, students, job interview, interviewer, interviewers, recruit, recruiter, recruiters, human resources, hr, h.r., employer, employers, employee, employees, manager, managers, job hunting, job search, job, jobs, work, career, careers, unemployed, unemployment, unemployable, resume, cv, c.v., proud parent, proud parents, exaggeration, exaggerated, embellishment, embellish, hyperbole, false, fake, business, business degree, university, university degree, university degrees, college, college degree, college degrees, hire, hiring, achievement, achievements"I see you've flown around the world in a plane, and settled revolutions in Spain. Around a golf course you're under par. Metro-Goldwyn has asked you to star. Very impressive, I must admit, but we're looking for someone with marketing experience."
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business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office, offices, office life, personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, interview, interviews, applicant, applicants, candidate, candidates, cv, c.v., curriculum vitae, resume, resumes, job, jobs, hiring, experience, experiences, marketing, rejection, rejected, lack of experience, impressive, modern life"Maybe zero tolerance is setting the bar too high."
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zero tolerance, zero tolerance policy, zero tolerance policies, policy, policies, workforce, workforces, strict, overly strict, fire, fires, firing, firing culture, fired, sack, sacked, sacking, sackings, set the bar too high, setting the bar too high, high bar, high bars, low bar, low bars, rule, rules, rule-follower, rule-followers, discipline, human resources"Any experience?"
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employment, employ, employed, employer, cv, c v, resume, resumes, resume skills, c v skills, cv skills, interview, interviewee, interviews, interview skills, recruit, recruitment, business, office, offices, hr, h r, human resources, old, older, elderly, old man, experience, experienced, age, ageism, old age, working age, retire, retired, retirement age, retirement"Congratulations. You have the skills we're looking for, and you'll just fit a cubicle."
"I see you've done time, so working in a cubicle shouldn't be a problem."
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prison, prisons, jail, jails, incarceration, incarcerations, prisoner, prisoners, ex-prisoner, ex-prisoners, ex-convict, ex-convicts, ex convict, ex convicts, ex con, ex cons, ex-con, ex-cons, office cubicle, office cubicles, office job, office jobs, office worker, office workers, hr, human resources, personnel"For the last time, Crawford, our firm is 'warm and fuzzy,' not 'touchy-feely.'"
"And, finally, are you now or have you ever been disgruntled?"
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disgruntled, warning sign, warning signs, employee, employees, hire, hires, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, personnel, personnel department, paranoia, paranoid, mass shooting, mass shootings, shooting, shootings, postal, going postal, job satisfaction, worker satisfactions, satisfaction, human resources"Apparently, fifty is the new unemployed."
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ageism, ageist, ageists, unemployment, unemployed, fired, fire, fires, firing, sack, sacks, sacked, sacking, redundancy, redundancies, redundant, lay off, lay offs, lay-off, lay-offs, fifty, fifties, 50s, employment, employments, workplace prejudice, employment prejudice, hr, human resources, personnel"We're looking for people to fire."
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honest, honesty, honesty is the best policy, hire, hired, hiring, hires, personnel, hr, h r, h.r., human resources, business, big business, businessman, businessmen, business man, business men, exec, execs, executive, manager, management, corporate, corporation, corporations, employment, employed, fire, fired, firing, office worker, office drone, office drones, excuse, excuses, interview, interviews, interview skills, capitalism, late stage capitalism, sardonic, sarcastic"Sorry, Chief, but of course I didn't mean 'bimbo' in the pejorative sense."
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bimbo, bimbos, excuse, excuses, harassment, glass ceiling, glass ceilings, singled out, women in the workplace, belittle, belittling, comment, comments, sexist, human resources, hr department, h.r. department, pejorative, apology, apologies, formal apology, formal apologies, weak excuse, weak excuses, no offense, no offence"My greatest asset is my ability to tell you exactly what you want to hear."
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businessman, businessmen, businesswoman, businesswomen, office, offices, office life, personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, applicant, applicants, candidate, candidates, job, jobs, hiring, strength, strengths, asset, assets, ability, abilities, talent, talents, skill, skills, flattery, sycophancy, corporate culture"Would you like to hear about our retirement plan?"
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businessman, businessmen, exec, execs, executive, executives, career, careers, big business, corporate, corporation, corporations, day job, offices, office job, modern life, modern world, working life, working world, desk job, desk jockey, interview, interviews, interview skills, employment, employ, employed, unemployed, salary, pay cut, cut, cuts, budget cut, budget cuts, undervalued, undersold, undersell, financial crash, negotiate, negotiation, negotiating, contract, contract dispute, contracts, benefit, benefits, cryo, cryofreeze, retirement, retirement plan, retirement plans, human resources"Hire him. You can't teach shadows like that."
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business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office life, employee, employees, worker, workers, personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, job, jobs, hiring, talent, talented, gifted, special talent, shadow, shadows, learn, teach, unusual talent, strange talent"If we give you an office with a window, how do we know you won't just fly away?"
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bird, birds, birdman, birdmen, hiring, hiring process, hire, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, interviewer, interviewers, interviewee, interviewees, human resources, hr, h.r., recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, job application, job applications, applicant, applicant, searching for work, looking for a job, applying for a job, searching for a job, employee, employment, promotion, promotions, office manager, office managers, office management, businessman, businessmen, office, offices, office space, office spaces, anthropomorphic, anthropomorphism"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."
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hiring, hiring process, hire, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, interviewer, interviewers, interviewee, interviewees, human resources, hr, h.r., recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, c.v., c.v.s, cv, curriculum vitae, resume, resumes, job application, job applications, applicant, applicant, criminal record, felony, felonies, felon, felons, convict, convicts, criminal, criminals, searching for a job, searching for work, looking for a job, applying for a job, white-collar crime, business, businessman, businessmen, corporate crime, corruption, unemployment, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellor, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, barrister, barrister, solicitor, solicitors, client, clients, strength, strengths, weakness, weaknesses, suitability, balance"It's my resignation in the form of a graphic novel."
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business, businessman, businessmen, office, offices, office life, manager, managers, management, executive, executives, boss, bosses, hr, h.r., human resources, worker, workers, employee, employees, quitting, quit, quitting your job, resign, resigning, resignation, resignation letter, resignation letters, formal resignation, give notice, graphic novel, graphic novels, cartoons, comic, comics, book, books, creative, innovative, unique, innovation, innovations, modern life'Where's My Job'
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world of work, new job, new hire, hiring, hires, recruiting, recruitment, recruiter, human resource, human resources, hr, h r, pun, puns, word play, word-play, play on words, waldo, wally, invisible, invisible homeless, homeless, hobo, bum, job, jobs, fired, fire, unemployment, unemployed, dole, on the dole, benefits, public benefit, public benefits, beg, begging, beggar, beggars, character, characters"The axe is falling! The axe is falling!"
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business, businessman, businessmen, boss, bosses, executive, executives, exec, execs, manager, managers, management, office, offices, office life, employee, employees, worker, workers, personnel, hr, h.r., human resources, firing, lay offs, laying off, unemployment, termination, downsizing, cut backs, warning, warnings, panic, panicking, henny penny, chicken little, fairytale, fairytales, fairy tale, fairy tales, children's story, children's stories, story, stories, fable, fables, literature, children's literature character, characters, fictional character, fictional characters, the sky is falling, axes, axes, getting the axe, waiting for the axe to fall, expression, expressions, word play, wordplay"Crumple this into a little ball, will you?"
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paper, papers, crumple, crumpled, office, offices, work, worker, workers, working, working life, world of work, management, manager, managers, supervisors, supervisor, executive, executives, boss, bosses, big boss, delegation, delegate, delegating, delegations, employee, employers, employ, employed, business, hr, h r, human resource, human resources"Beyond the fine starting salary, the job of a poet laureate at this corporation also carries with it an excellent medical and dental plan."
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writer, writers, novel, novella, novels, novel writing, poem, poet, poetry, poets, poetic, literature, literary, word play, play on words, ironic, irony, author, authors, authored, book, books, book lover, writing, should be writing, you should be writing, manuscript, artistic, artist, artists, art, arts, culture, cultured, writer's block, bookworm, book worm, bookworms, book worm, book, books, novel, novels, library, librarians, librarian, book lover, book lovers, literature, literary, lit, lit major, read, reading, avid reader, readers, reader, novel, novels, novelist, benefit, benefits, medical, dental, insurance, insured, severance, free, freebies, bonus, bonuses, dental, medical, new job, new career, wait a second, personnel, human resources, hr, laureate, poet laureate, corporate, corporations, businessmen"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."
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resume, resumes, dna, dna smaple, dna samples, invasion of privacy, invasions of privacy, urine test, urine tests, test, tests, testing, hiring, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, qualification, qualifications, employment officer, employment officers, genetics, gene, genes, job applicant, job applicants, job application, job applications, personnel, gene, genes, genome, genomes, human resources"We already have an eight-hundred-pound gorilla."
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800 lb gorilla, 800 pound gorilla, eight hundred pound gorilla, hire, hires, hiring, hiring officer, hiring officers, job interview, job interviews, redundant, redundancy, skill, skills, skillset, skillsets, skill set, skill sets, personnel, personnel department, hr department, human resources, qualified, qualifying, job candidate, job candidates, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, stand out, stands out, standing out, unique