"The answer isn't more troops—what you need is an antibiotic."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's office, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, diagnosis, diagnoses, treatment, treatments, cure, cures, drug, pharmaceuticals, pharmaceutical, medicines, meds, prescription, prescriptions, pill, pills, antibiotic, antibiotics, infection, infections, strategy, strategies, military, general, generals, officer, officers, troop, troops, war, wars, plan of attack, answer, answers
"You appear to have caught that bug that's been going around my waiting room."
Tags:flu, flues, influenza, cold, colds common cold, common colds, waiting room, waiting rooms, doctor appointment, doctor appointments, infection, infections, bug, bugs, interior, interiors, infectious disease, infectious diseases, hospital, hospitals, breeding ground, breeding grounds, petri dish, petri dishes
"Please to meet you, though I'm sorry about the circumstances."
Tags:disease, diseases, infection, infections, illness, infectious disease, infectious diseases, get well soon, contamination, patient, patients, introduction, introductions, first meeting, first meetings, patient zero, isolation room, isolation rooms, deadly disease, deadly diseases, doctor, doctors, hospital, hospitals
"All the adventure is gone since the bred out all the Trichinosis."
Tags:infection, infections, trichinosis, eat out, eating out, dining out, food poisoning, pork, raw meat, uncooked meat, undercooked meat, trichinella, breeding, animal breeding, food animal, food animals, meat eater, meat eaters, public health hazard, public health hazards, bacteria, food safety standards, food safety, food hygiene, food hygiene standards
Catch of the Day: Flu, Strep Throat, Cold, Hepatitis
Tags:catch of the day, catches of the day, contagious, contagion, cold, colds, catch a cold, catching a cold, strep, strep throat, flu, influenza, cold, colds, hepatitis, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, infection, infections, disease, diseases, bacteria, hygiene, doctor's office, doctor's offices, patient, patients, menu, menus, restaurant, restaurants
"I found a cure for the humongous cold, the extreme cold and the mother of all colds. Why not the common cold?"
Tags:common cold, cold, colds, cold virus, cold viruses, bug, bugs, infection, infections, illness, illnesses, disease, diseases, medical science, medical scientist, medical scientists, medical sciences, scientific breakthrough, scientific breakthroughs, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, lab, labs, laboratory, laboratories
"Sorry it took so long. I'm the only one without hepatitis."
Tags:hepatitis, hepatitis b, infection, infections, disease, diseases, contagion, contagions, contagious, contagious disease, contagious diseases, waiter, waiters, server, servers, restaurant staff, food hygiene, health and safety, health & safety, food safety, staff illness, staff illnesses, infectious disease, infectious diseases, food poisoning, chef, chefs, off-putting, unappetizing, unappetising, off putting, bodily fluids
The Day The Entire Kemple Family Had A Virus
"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."
"Have you seen this bug? It's going around."
Tags:virus, viruses, bug, bugs, illness, illnesses, sick, sickness, sicknesses, ill, detective, detectives, investigate, investigator, investigators, infection, infections, biology, doctor, doctors, disease, diseases, missing person, missing persons, suspect, suspects, wanted poster, wanted posters, contagion, contagions, contagious
"You have a nonlethal form of anthrax."
Tags:anthrax, nonlethal, germ, germs, germ warfare, biological warfare, biological, poison, poisons, poisoned, weaponized, weaponization, terror, terrorists, terrorism, bacteria, bacterial, infection, infections, diagnosis, diagnoses, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, gp, general practitioner, general practitioners
"I suppose it was very sweet and old-fashioned of him, but, still, it was syphilis."
Books on Tapeworm
Tags:book on tape, books on tape, tapeworm, tapeworms, dog, dogs, parasite, parasites, vet, vets, veterinarian, veterinarians, infection, infections, infest, infests, infested, worm, worms, audiobook, audiobooks, audio book, audio books, symbiotic relationship, read, reads, reading, reader, readers, classic literature, american classic, american classics, moby dick
"I spy London, I spy France...neither of which rhymes with 'yeast infection.'"
Tags:rhyme, rhymes, rhyming, yeast infection, gynecologists, gynecology, london, france, underpants, vaginal health, vaginas, unhealthy, infection, infections, disease, diseases, diagnose, diagnosis, diagnosing, doctor, doctors, physician, physicians, bedside manner, impolite, polite, politeness, rude, rudeness, embarrass, embarrassing, embarrasses, compromising position, compromising positions, vulnerable, vulnerability
"It's either conjunctivitis or twin pools of desire."
Tags:conjunctivitis, pink eye, diagnosis, diagnoses, eye, eyes, eye doctor, eye doctors, optician, opticians, optometrist, optometrists, optometry, ophthalmologist, ophthalmologists, ophthalmology, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, infection, infections, poet, poets, poetry, pretty eyes, beautiful eyes, attractive, attraction, attractions, twin pools, desire, desires
Dear Mom, I finally went viral