Tags:work-related injury, work-related injuries, injury, injuries, injured, accident, accidents, matador, matadors, bullfighter, bullfighters, bullfighting, bull, bulls, spear, speared, spearing, puncture, punctures, wound, wounds, wounded, doctor, doctors, checkup, checkups, check-up, check-ups, accident, accidents, impaled
"I did all my own stunts."
Tags:humpty, humpty dumpty, dumpty, egg, eggs, nursery rhymes, nursery rhyme, rhyme, rhymes, song, songs, fairy, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairy story, fairy stories, stunt, stunts, cracked, cracks, injuries, injured, injury, injuring, cracks, stuntmen, stuntman, stunts, stunt, my own stunts, all my own stunts, talk, talk shows, talk show, talk-shows, talk-show, late night, late-night, children, children's
"Want to hear about my day?"
"Enough medical mumbo jumbo, just give it to me straight, Doc-will I ever be able to play piano again?"
Tags:mumbo jumbo, pianist, pianists, headless, disembody, disembodied, injury, injuries, injured, bedside manner, hopeless, lost cause, lost causes, hopelessness, optimist, optimists, optimistic, life support, kept alive, head, heads, medical equipment, operation, operations, accident, accidents, nasty accident, nasty accidents, musician, musicians
"It's badly sprained, McElroy, and you know as well as I do that I'd only slow you down. Go on without me—and that's a direct order!"
Tags:sprained ankle, sprained ankles, war wound, war wounds, noble, nobility, martyr, martyrs, martyred, injured, injury, injuries, ankle, ankles, hardened, hard man, hard men, military man, military men, soft, soft man, soft men, upper class, upper classes, high class, high classes, leave no man behind, code of ethics, sacrifice, sacrifices, sacrificing, self-sacrifice, self-sacrificing, executive, executives, white collar, white collar job, white collar jobs, privilege, life of privilege
"This next song's about pain."
"And then she slapped my face, injuring my beard."
Tags:business, businessman, businessmen, suit, suits, meeting, assault, assaulted, offended, offense, beard, beards, facial hair, over reaction, overreaction, over react, overreact, slap, slapped, slapstick, slap stick, physical comedy, wimp, wimpy, victim, fashion victim, injury, injured, absurd, absurdity, fashion, fashionable, men, man, breakup, breakups, break-up, break-ups, breaking up, hipster, hipsters
"It's a hassle, but I can use the handicapped-parking spots."
Tags:crash test, crash tests, crash test dummy, crash test dummies, handicapped, injured, injury, injuries, car crash, car crashes, handicap, tough job, tough jobs, job, jobs, complain, complaints, complaint, complaining, venting, parking, parking lot, parking spot, car park, drink, drinks, alcohol, bar, bars, pub, pubs, chat, chatting, benefits, job benefits, work perks, job perks
"Any improvement since I brought the balloon?"
Tags:hospital, hospitals, patient, patients, medical, medicine, visitor, visitors, improvement, improving, balloon, balloons, present, presents, gift, gifts, comfort, get well soon, recovery, recovering, resting, thoughtful gesture, kind gesture, thoughtful gestures, kind gestures, well-meaning, well-intentioned, helpless, unable to move, injured, seriously injured
"Two out of three."
Tags:double or nothing, two out of three, best of three, duel, duels, duelling, duelist, duelists, pistol, pistols, gun, guns, pistols at dawn, shoot, shooting, shot, injured, injury, victorian, victorians, unreasonable, irony, ironic, ironically, kill, killed, honor, honour, honorable, honourable, honored, honoured, classic, classic joke, classic jokes, slapstick, slap stick, slap-stick, kill, killed, fatal, fatality, regency, edwardian, word play, words, game, games, competitive, word play, word-play, last words
"Thank goodness he was wearing a condom."
Tags:condom, condoms, protection, always use protection, humpty, humpty dumpty, dumpty, egg, eggs, nursery rhymes, nursery rhyme, rhyme, rhymes, song, songs, fairy, fairy tale, fairy tales, fairy story, fairy stories, stunt, stunts, cracked, cracks, injuries, injured, injury, injuring, cracks, king's horses, king's men, repair, repairs, visual gag, pun, puns, play on words, word play, spoof, spoofed, spoofs, parody, parodied, parodies
"Don't worry, boss—we whacked your skis."
Tags:mob, mobs, mobster, mobsters, mafia, mafias, mafioso, russian mob, russian mafia, wolves, wolf, crime, crimes, criminal, criminals, law, laws, organised crime, organised crimes, cronies, goon, goons, henchmen, henchman, thug, thugs, whack, whacked, lingo, slang, skiing, ski, skis, accident, accidents, make it look like an accident, injury, injured, hospital bed, hospital, sick bed, play on words, word play, word-play, idiot, idiots, dumb, dumber, stupid, stupidity
"There's a reason, Jim, that they call it 'cow tipping' and not 'bull tipping.'"
Tags:hospital, hospitals, medical, medicine, patient, patient, serious injury, serious injuries, bed-ridden, hurt, injured, injury, injuries, animal, animals, cow, cows, bull, bulls, cattle, cow-tipping, cow tipping, prank, pranks, joke, jokes, prank gone too far, joke gone too far, went too far, reason, reasons, lecture, lectures, told you so, stupid, dumb, bad idea, dumb idea, bad ideas, dumb ideas, law of natural selection
Limited Edition Cards
Tags:greeting card, greetings cards, greetings card, gun, guns, sport, sports, hunting, hunting, rifle, rifles, game hunting, game, get well, get well soon, get-well, commiseration, commiserations, death, dead, dying, injury, injured, politics, dick cheney, presidential, vice president, cheney, political, us politics, usa, united states, political figures
"Try falling down and scraping your knee. Then you can talk to me about pain."
Tags:kid, kids, child, empathy, empathetic, unsympathetic, unempathetic, pain, in pain, hurt, hurting, emotional pain, emotional hurt, mental health, mental health issue, mental health issues, mental health problems, mental health problem, scraping knee, booboo, booboos, injury, injuries, injured, upset
"It looks like the internal bleeding should - I'm sorry. It's taking everything in my power not to tickle you right now."
Tags:doctor, doctors, treatment, injury, injured, hospital, hospitals, bed, cast, body cast, casts, immobile, paralyzed, bedridden, tickles, tickled, professional, professionals, medicine, medical, trauma, traumatic, bandages, bandage, arms up, serious, inappropriate, unprofessional, medicines, treat, treats, explain, explaining, distract, distracted, distracting, helpless, helplessness, tickles, ticklish, distraction, distractions, preoccupied, bedside manner
"Neither the time nor the place, Doug!"
Tags:irony, ironic, emergency hotline, emergency hotlines, emergency, injury, injured, emergency care, idiom, idioms, saying, sayings, service, refused service, refuse, refused, domestic, domestics, marital spat, marital spats, poor timing, bad timing, marriage problem, marriage problems, marital problem, marital problems, medical emergency, emergency service, emergency services, emergency number, emergency numbers, contretemps, accident, accidents, mishap, mishaps, misadventure, misadventures, unsympathetic, missing the obvious
Centipede with a broken leg
A man in a hospital bed has his ski boot act as a counterweight for his broken leg.
Tags:counterweight, counterweights, pulley, pulleys, hospital, hospitals, hospital bed, hospital beds, fracture, fractures, fracturing, broken leg, broken legs, leg, legs, injury, injuries, injured, injuring, ski, skies, skiing, skier, skiers, winter sport, winter sports, culprit, culprits, irony, ironies, ironic, athlete, athletes, athletic, fall, falls, falling, downhill skier, downhill skiers
"Is your injury sports-related?"
"You're very lucky. An inch lower and this would have been closer to your elbow."
Tags:idiot, idiots, mole, moles, spots, spot, dermatologist, doctor, doctors, md, mds, m.d.s, m.d., gp, gps, g.p.s, g.p., general practitioner, general practitioners, medical check up, medical check ups, clinic, clinics, doctors clinic, doctors clinics, doctor's clinic, doctor's clinics, hospital, hospitals, doctors appointment, doctors appointments, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointments, physician, physicians, injury, injuries, injured
"Your HMO won't cover this so I'm going to rub some salt in these wounds."
Tags:hospital, hospitals, clinic, clinics, doctor's office, doctor's offices, medical, medicine, doctor, doctors, patient, patients, health, health care, healthcare, insurance, health insurance, medical insurance, hmo, h.m.o., health maintenance organization, insurance coverage, insurance plan, insurance plans, not covered, injured, injury, injuries, wound, wounds, rub salt in the wound, expression, expressions, wordplay, word play
"Oddly enough, It was swimming that hurt my back."
"Then don't do that."
Tags:sport, sports, baseball, pitcher, pitchers, pitch, pitching, baseball player, baseball players, athlete, athletes, hurt, hurts, injury, injured, pain, painful, twist, bend, doctor, doctors, medicine, medical, advice, clinic, clinics, hospital, hospital, doctor's office, doctor's office, health care, doctor's appointment, doctor's appointment, examination, examinations, consultation, consultations, healthcare, health care, don't do that, kinesiologists, kinesiologist, kinesiology
"My back is fine. My mind went out."