"Your steered the proper course, Cap'n, when you had us bury this instead of investing it in the market!"
Tags:pirate, pirates, treasure, treasures, buried treasure, burying treasure, money under the mattress, invest, investing, investment, investments, good investment, bad investment, good investments, bad investment, financial advice, good financial advice, bad financial advice, stock markets, market, market crash, stock market crash, crash, credit crunch, global financial crisis, financial crisis, financial crash, captain, pirate captain, pirate captains
"I'm looking for a hedge against my hedge funds."
"I was spreading some risk around, and apparently it all wound up in your portfolio."
Tags:financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial advice, portfolio, portfolios, investor, investors, investment, investments, risk, risks, risk taker, risk takers, risky investment, risky investments, stockbroker, stockbrokers, money problem, money troubles, financial problems, financial troubles
The Return of Guarded Optimism
Tags:stock market, stock markets, optimism, optimistic, stock, stocks, investor, investors, investment, investments, confidence, market confidence, guarded optimism, cagey, caginess, worry, worries, worrying, bull market, bull markets, shaky, nerve, nerves, nervous, nervousness, anxious, anxiousness, anxiety, anxieties
"If we're being honest, it was your decision to follow my recommendations that cost you money."
Tags:recommendation, recommendations, recommend, recommends, stock, stocks, stock market, stockbroker, stockbrokers, stock broker, stock brokers, broker, brokers, portfolio, portfolios, investor, investors, investment, investments, investing, investment advice, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advice, accountant, accounting, accounting firm, accounting firms
"Dow Jonesy enough for you?"
Tags:dow jones, stock market, stock markets, stockbroker, stockbrokers, stock, stocks, broker, brokers, investor, investors, investment, investments, rollercoaster, rollercoasters, roller-coaster, roller-coasters, fairground ride, fairground rides, amusement park, amusement parks, rollercoaster ride, rollercoaster rides
"Yes, I'm still getting up early, but these days it's to check on the spot markets for oil and natural gas."
Tags:investment, investments, early bird, early birds, get up, gets up, getting up, oil, natural gas, market, markets, stock, stocks, stocks and bonds, early riser, early risers, investor, investors, investment, investments, stockbroker, stockbrokers, broker, brokers, spot markets, cash market, cash markets, commodity trader, commodity traders, commodity trading, commodity trading advisor, commodity trading advisors
"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."
Tags:turtle, turtles, lizard, lizards, salamander, salamanders, reptile, reptiles, homeowner, homeowners, value, values, lose value, losing value, bad investment, bad investments, investment, investments, crash, crashes, crashing, market crash, market crashes, home, homes, house, houses, real estate, real estate investment, real estate investments
"What do you have in investment-grade reds?"
Unusual Retirement Plans
Tags:pension, pensions, pensioner, pensioners, 401k, 401ks, 401(k), retirement savings, retirement savings account, retirement savings accounts, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial planner, financial planners, investment, investments, investing, investor, investors, savings, savings account, savings account, irresponsible
"Oh, I'm really sorry. I just placed three million with some broker who called five minutes ago."
Tags:cold call, cold calls, cold calling, cold caller, cold callers, telemarketer, telemarketers, telemarketing, broker, brokers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, sarcasm, sarcastic, harass, harasses, harassment, rich, riches, poor, poor person, poor people, poverty, middle class, working class, investment, investments, investing, investor, investors
"Millions is craft. Billions is art."
Tags:wealth, wealthy, money, well-off, affluent, rich, riches, finances, millions, billions, millionaire, millionaires, billionaire, billionaires, the one percent, the 1%, investor, investors, investing, investment, investments, banker, bankers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, trader, traders, chief executive officer, chief executive officers, ceo, ceos, c.e.o., c.e.o.s, executive, executives, exec, execs, profit, profits, art, craft, crafts, making money
Tags:restaurant, restaurants, dining out, eating out, meal, meals, lunch, lunches, food, eating, dining, waiter, waiters, server, servers, service, customer service, order, orders, ordering, menu, menus, recommendation, recommendations, recommend, recommending, suggest, suggestion, suggestions, suggesting, advice, advising, broker, brokers, offer, offers, sale, hungry, hunger, veal parmesan, chicken cacciatore, agent, agents, dealer, dealers, finances, financial, money, investment, investments, investing
"Instead, let me be your investment advisor and get you eleven-per-cent return, year in and year out, regardless of market conditions."
Tags:david, goliath, investment advisor, investment adviser, investment advisers, investment advisors, investor, investors, investment, investments, money advice, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, bible, bibles, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories, old testament, war, wars, conflict, conflicts
Build Your Own Portfolio
"I am sick of being looked at like one of your Brazilian bank loans!"
Tags:relationship, relationships, marriage, married, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, argue, argument, arguments, dispute, disputes, bank loan, bank loans, banking, money, foreign bank, foreign banking, investment, investments, investment banking, investment banker, investment bankers, wealth, wealthy, rich, rich people, wealthy people
"I'm a Schedule D kind of guy with a little Schedule E thrown in."
Tags:schedule d, schedule e, accountant, accountants, accounting, 1040, 1040 form, 1040 forms, investor, investors, asset, assets, broke, lose money, loses money, losing money, investment, investments, broker, brokers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, tax return, tax returns, penniless, loss, losses, financial loss, financial losses, hedge fund, hedge funds, hedge fund manager, hedge fund managers, tax season, taxes, filing taxes, personality type, personality types, date, dates, dinner date, dinner dates, insolvent, insolvency
"I came out O.K. Everything I had was in baseball cards."
Tags:baseball card, baseball cards, recession, great recession, economic downturn, economic downturns, investment, investments, portfolio, portfolios, stock market, stock market crash, stock market crashes, bear market, bear markets, economic crisis, hobby, hobbies, hobbyist, baseball fan, baseball fans, card, cards
"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."
"Your money was working for you, but it suddenly quit and now it's working for me!"
Welcome Stockholders: The Lynching
Tags:lynch, lynches, lynching, stockholder, stockholders, stockholder's meeting, stockholder's meetings, stockholders meeting, stockholders meetings, bad news, financial report, financial reports, lynch mob, lynch mobs, angry mob, angry mobs, hanging, hangings, investor, investors, investment, investments
"Invest? No offense, but I've read about you guys."
Tags:invest, invests, investment, investments, crook, crooks, investor, investors, hedge fund, hedge funds, hedge fund manager, hedge fund managers, criminal, criminals, thief, thieves, unsavory, unsavoury, distrust, distrusts, distrusting, distrustful, money manager, money managers, stock market, stock, stocks, stocks and bonds, bad reputation, bad reputations, reputation, reputations
God Bless Our Asking Price
"What good is art if you can't have fun with it?"
Tags:art, arts, artistic, artistically, make the most, making the most, make the most of it, what good is art, fine art, paint, painting, painters, paintings, swim, swimming, damage, cringe, pool, swimming pool, swimming pools, classic art, classical art, investment, investing, investing wisely, good investment, good investments, investments