"I'm looking for a hedge against my hedge funds."
"I was spreading some risk around, and apparently it all wound up in your portfolio."
Tags:financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial advice, portfolio, portfolios, investor, investors, investment, investments, risk, risks, risk taker, risk takers, risky investment, risky investments, stockbroker, stockbrokers, money problem, money troubles, financial problems, financial troubles
The Return of Guarded Optimism
Tags:stock market, stock markets, optimism, optimistic, stock, stocks, investor, investors, investment, investments, confidence, market confidence, guarded optimism, cagey, caginess, worry, worries, worrying, bull market, bull markets, shaky, nerve, nerves, nervous, nervousness, anxious, anxiousness, anxiety, anxieties
"Right now I think the wisest strategy is to diversify among your mattresses."
Tags:economy, money, diversify, mattress, recession, hide money, hides money, hiding money, mattresses, economic recession, economic recessions, recession, recessions, market crash, market crashes, strategy, strategies, strategize, strategizes, investor, investors, investment advice, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advisor, financial advisors, mankoff
"If we're being honest, it was your decision to follow my recommendations that cost you money."
Tags:recommendation, recommendations, recommend, recommends, stock, stocks, stock market, stockbroker, stockbrokers, stock broker, stock brokers, broker, brokers, portfolio, portfolios, investor, investors, investment, investments, investing, investment advice, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial advice, accountant, accounting, accounting firm, accounting firms
"Dow Jonesy enough for you?"
Tags:dow jones, stock market, stock markets, stockbroker, stockbrokers, stock, stocks, broker, brokers, investor, investors, investment, investments, rollercoaster, rollercoasters, roller-coaster, roller-coasters, fairground ride, fairground rides, amusement park, amusement parks, rollercoaster ride, rollercoaster rides
"Yes, I'm still getting up early, but these days it's to check on the spot markets for oil and natural gas."
Tags:investment, investments, early bird, early birds, get up, gets up, getting up, oil, natural gas, market, markets, stock, stocks, stocks and bonds, early riser, early risers, investor, investors, investment, investments, stockbroker, stockbrokers, broker, brokers, spot markets, cash market, cash markets, commodity trader, commodity traders, commodity trading, commodity trading advisor, commodity trading advisors
"Oh, just the usual here, occupying Wall Street."
Tags:wall street, nyc, new york city, new york, occupy, occupy wall st, stocks, stock, stock broker, stock brokers, bank, banks, banker, bankers, money, investor, investors, investment, investment banking, protest, protests, movement, progressive, financial, financial district, activism, activist, activists, the 1%, one percent, picketing, economic inequality, economy, economics, wealthy people, wealth, rich, rich people, wealthy, office, offices, business, businesses, businessman, businessmen
Man with a Plan
"We study, we plan, we research. And yet, somehow, money still remains more of an art than a science."
The Bull, the Bear, the Ant, and the Grasshopper
Tags:stock market, the bull, the bear, the ant, and the grasshopper, fables, money, savings, fun, business, economy, fable, investment advice, advice, financial advisor, aesop, aesop's fables, stock, stocks, stocks and bonds, investor, investors, instant gratification, savings, save up, saves up, saving up
Unusual Retirement Plans
Tags:pension, pensions, pensioner, pensioners, 401k, 401ks, 401(k), retirement savings, retirement savings account, retirement savings accounts, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, financial planner, financial planners, investment, investments, investing, investor, investors, savings, savings account, savings account, irresponsible
"Oh, I'm really sorry. I just placed three million with some broker who called five minutes ago."
Tags:cold call, cold calls, cold calling, cold caller, cold callers, telemarketer, telemarketers, telemarketing, broker, brokers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, sarcasm, sarcastic, harass, harasses, harassment, rich, riches, poor, poor person, poor people, poverty, middle class, working class, investment, investments, investing, investor, investors
"Millions is craft. Billions is art."
Tags:wealth, wealthy, money, well-off, affluent, rich, riches, finances, millions, billions, millionaire, millionaires, billionaire, billionaires, the one percent, the 1%, investor, investors, investing, investment, investments, banker, bankers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, trader, traders, chief executive officer, chief executive officers, ceo, ceos, c.e.o., c.e.o.s, executive, executives, exec, execs, profit, profits, art, craft, crafts, making money
"Nobody knows anything."
Following the Cash Crop
Tags:business man, business men, businessman, business men, business person, business people, businessperson, investor, investors, investing, banker, bankers, takeover, take overs, buyout, buyout, cash crop, commerce, commercial value, capitalism, profit crop, profit crops, labourer, labourers, farming, harvest, harvests
"Instead, let me be your investment advisor and get you eleven-per-cent return, year in and year out, regardless of market conditions."
Tags:david, goliath, investment advisor, investment adviser, investment advisers, investment advisors, investor, investors, investment, investments, money advice, financial advisor, financial advisors, financial adviser, financial advisers, bible, bibles, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories, old testament, war, wars, conflict, conflicts
Build Your Own Portfolio
"I'm a Schedule D kind of guy with a little Schedule E thrown in."
Tags:schedule d, schedule e, accountant, accountants, accounting, 1040, 1040 form, 1040 forms, investor, investors, asset, assets, broke, lose money, loses money, losing money, investment, investments, broker, brokers, stockbroker, stockbrokers, tax return, tax returns, penniless, loss, losses, financial loss, financial losses, hedge fund, hedge funds, hedge fund manager, hedge fund managers, tax season, taxes, filing taxes, personality type, personality types, date, dates, dinner date, dinner dates, insolvent, insolvency
"We love Santa, but Santa didn't know as much about investing as he thought he did."
"Your money was working for you, but it suddenly quit and now it's working for me!"
"I don't want stock options. I want you to pay your tab."
Welcome Stockholders: The Lynching
Tags:lynch, lynches, lynching, stockholder, stockholders, stockholder's meeting, stockholder's meetings, stockholders meeting, stockholders meetings, bad news, financial report, financial reports, lynch mob, lynch mobs, angry mob, angry mobs, hanging, hangings, investor, investors, investment, investments
"Invest? No offense, but I've read about you guys."
Tags:invest, invests, investment, investments, crook, crooks, investor, investors, hedge fund, hedge funds, hedge fund manager, hedge fund managers, criminal, criminals, thief, thieves, unsavory, unsavoury, distrust, distrusts, distrusting, distrustful, money manager, money managers, stock market, stock, stocks, stocks and bonds, bad reputation, bad reputations, reputation, reputations
"We've changed our investment strategy."