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"It's nice, but I never smile like that. I smile like this."
"But, first, my impression of Mussolini."
A gondolier walks into the ocean wearing a gondola shaped float.
"The town has no history, Signore. It was built from scratch three years ago, entirely for the tourist trade."
"One slice—hold the bread."
"He used to call me 'Fiorello, the little flower'. So, I had him 'whacked'."
"He turns out not to be Italian – just Italianate."
"Not only do they all speak fluent English, but they keep correcting your grammar."
"If the cops stop us, we're going to look pretty silly carrying a giant cannoli around the city this time of night."