"Now we'll need a sitter for New Year's Eve."
Tags:nativity, christmas story, nativity scene, mary, joseph, jesus, baby jesus, christmas, xmas, christmas eve, new years, new year's, new years eve, new year's eve, baby, mum, mom, dad, parent, parents, parenting, new parents, new baby, baby, babies, newborn, newborns, babysitter, sitter, babysitters, sitters, bible, child, children, kid, kids, nanny, nannies, bethlehem, break
"We bring gold and frankincense. The myrrh is in the mail."
Tags:jesus, baby jesus, birth of christ, nativity, the nativity, christmas, first christmas, the first christmas, three kings, the three kings, the three wise men, three wise men, 3 wise men, christianity, christian, christian, delay, delays, in the mail, mail, the mail, parcel, parcels, let down, let downs, let-down, let-downs, ordering, online order, online orders, online shopping, online shopper, online shoppers, delivery, deliveries
"Everyone wants to known what Jesus would do. No one ever asks how Jesus is feeling about his complicated relationship with his father."
Tags:complication, complicated, complications, relationship, relationships, father, fathers, dad, dads, son, sons, father-son, jesus, bible story, bible stories, gospel, gospels, dysfunctional relationship, dysfunctional relationships, god, new testament, christianity, wwjd, what would jesus do, christian, christians
Fishy Bumper Sticker
"O.K., so the meek shall inherit the earth, and the rich will have a hard time getting into Heaven. But what about the middle class?"
Tags:middle class, class, middle-class, shepherd, meek, meek shall inherit, meek shall inherit the earth, matthew, bible, blessed are the meek, they shall inherit the earth, middle classes, middle-classes, blessed are the gentle, eye of a needle, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, camel go through the eye of a needle, class jokes, middle income, god, jesus, bibles, verse, verses, religion, religious, heaven, heavenly, beatitudes, sermon on the mount
"Yeah, but good luck getting it peer-reviewed."
Tags:academia, academic, academics, academically, science, scientific, scientific community, paper, papers, conference, conferences, peer review, peer-review, peer reviewed, peer-reviewed, scientist, scientists, doctor, doctors, health, health, religion, religious, biblical, bible, biblical stories, medicine, medicines, cure, cures, heal, healing, downer, reality check, reality, realistic, realistically, miracle, miracles, miraculous, miraculously, university, universities, higher education, education, educate, educated, tertiary education, academy, college, colleges, jesus, jesus performs a miracle
"Quit worrying about corroborating your sources - it's not as if anyone's going to take all this literally."
Tags:sarcasm, sarcastic, religion, religions, religious, jesus, jesus christ, bible, scripture, scriptures, desert, deserts, religious fanatics, bible belt, scroll, scrolls, god, no evidence, no support, documentation, proof, no proof, evidence, verify, verification, interpret, interpretations, extremist, extremists, extremism
Jews for Jesus and also for pissing off one's parents, even if they weren't religious, in a way that the Hare Krishnas can't even begin to imagine.
Tags:jews, jew, judaism, torah, jesus, messiah, messiahs, rebel, rebellion, rebelling, rebels, hebrew, christian, christians, christianity, family, families, parent, parents, religion, religions, religious, youth, young, adolescent, adolescence, teenage rebellion, teenage-rebellion, teenage, teen, teens, shpasik, jtoons,
That New-Time Religion
"Yikes! Somebody ask him if they take plastic."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, new testament, jesus, jesus christ, son of god, the last supper, last supper, disciple, disciples, patron, patrons, customer, customers, waiter, waiters, server, servers, restaurant, restaurants, bill, bills, paying the bill, credit card, credit cards, money, expensive, paying, credit, meal, meals, eating out, dining out
"Well, he loves people, the birds that fly, the fish that swim, and all the creatures of the forest."
Tags:mall, malls, shopping, shopping center, shopping centers, shopping centre, shopping centres, christmas, christmas shopping, christmas present, christmas presents, christmas gift, christmas gifts, customer service, help desk, sales consultant, sales consultants, animal lover, animal lovers, god, jesus, christianity, christian, christians, love, acceptance, religion, religions, religious, bible
"I see you, Jake--but does anyone have a question that's not about carpentry?"
The Last Brunch.
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, new testament, jesus, jesus christ, son of god, the last supper, last supper, disciple, disciples, restaurant, restaurants, bill, bills, paying the bill, money, paying, meal, meals, brunch, brunches, eating out, dining out, disagreement, disagreements, disagreeing, argument, arguments, arguing
"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."
Tags:pregnancy, pregnancies, expecting, expecting parent, expecting parents, expecting family, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, parent, parents, parenthood, baby, babies, kid, kids, child, children, genders, gender reveal, gender reveals, ultrasound, ultrasounds, technology, testing, doctor, doctors, nurse, obstetrician, obstetricians, medical, medicine, angel, angels, gabriel, annunciation, announcement, announcements, new testament, bible, mary, joseph, jesus, baby jesus, jesus christ, modern life, religion, religious
Jesus sighted walking off Malibu.
"No, a question period will not follow!"
Tags:sermon, sermons, jesus, sermon on the mount, preacher, preachers, minister, ministers, ministry, prophet, prophets, prophecy, prophecies, worship, worships, question session, questions sessions, q&a, q & a, question and answer session, question, questions, theology, theologian, theologians, religious debate, religious debates, religious belief, religious beliefs
"I'm leaving you and the kids to join the Promise Keepers."
Tags:evangelical, evangelicals, irony, ironic, fatherhood, families, family, christian, christians, bible, bibles, husband, husbands, father, fathers, dad, dads, religion, religions, radical, radicals, jesus, jesus christ, christ, marriage, marriages, conservative, conservatives, family values, divorce, divorced, divorcing
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit about fifteen per cent of the earth, a hundred-per-cent increase over what they have today."
Tags:blessed are the meek, sermon, sermons, sermon on the mount, jesus, tax bracket, tax brackets, campaign speech, campaign speeches, speech, speeches, homily, homilies, political speech, political speeches, minister, ministers, inherit, inherits, inheriting, tax cut, tax cuts, inheritance tax, death tax, religious right, right-wing, spin, spins, spin zone, spin zones, economics, supply-side economics, trickle-down economics, jesus, jesus christ
"Wow! Gold, frankincense, myrrh—and a six-pack!"
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, new testament, jesus, baby jesus, jesus christ, son of god, joseph, mary, stable, stables, the christmas story, nativity, gold, frankincense, myrrh, six-pack, six-packs, beer, beers, alcohol, drink, drinks, new baby, new babies, baby, babies, new parent, new parents, new father, new fathers, new dad, new dads, dad, dads, father, fathers, gift, gifts, present, presents, three kings, three magi, three wisemen, three wise men, baby shower, baby showers, baptism, christmas, noel, the first christmas, yule, xmas
"Wow! It's beginning to look a lot like Xmas."
Fishes and Loaves
Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.
Tags:energy drink, energy drinks, sports drink, sports drinks, miracle, miracles, miraculous, vitamin, vitamins, water into wine, jesus, christ, jug, jugs, drink, drinks, drinking, dehydrate, dehydrating, dehydration, dehydrating, wine, wines, wedding, weddings, gospel, gospels, bible story, bible stories, biblical
The prophet who changed water into diet grapefruit soda.
Tags:prophet, prophets, jesus, christ, miracle, miracles, miraculous, water into wine, change, changes, changing, saint, saints, beverage, beverages, modern life, yuppie, yuppies, middle class, middle classes, upper class, basic, modern life, diet, diet soda, diet sodas, grapefruit, grapefruits, flavor, flavored, flavour, flavoured, no calories, low calorie, artificial sweetener, artificial sweeteners
"Being around Jesus brings out all my apostle issues."