"Quit worrying about corroborating your sources - it's not as if anyone's going to take all this literally."
Tags:sarcasm, sarcastic, religion, religions, religious, jesus, jesus christ, bible, scripture, scriptures, desert, deserts, religious fanatics, bible belt, scroll, scrolls, god, no evidence, no support, documentation, proof, no proof, evidence, verify, verification, interpret, interpretations, extremist, extremists, extremism
"Yikes! Somebody ask him if they take plastic."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, new testament, jesus, jesus christ, son of god, the last supper, last supper, disciple, disciples, patron, patrons, customer, customers, waiter, waiters, server, servers, restaurant, restaurants, bill, bills, paying the bill, credit card, credit cards, money, expensive, paying, credit, meal, meals, eating out, dining out
The Last Brunch.
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, new testament, jesus, jesus christ, son of god, the last supper, last supper, disciple, disciples, restaurant, restaurants, bill, bills, paying the bill, money, paying, meal, meals, brunch, brunches, eating out, dining out, disagreement, disagreements, disagreeing, argument, arguments, arguing
"We didn't want to know the gender in advance."
Tags:pregnancy, pregnancies, expecting, expecting parent, expecting parents, expecting family, mom, moms, mum, mums, mother, mothers, motherhood, father, fathers, fatherhood, dad, dads, parent, parents, parenthood, baby, babies, kid, kids, child, children, genders, gender reveal, gender reveals, ultrasound, ultrasounds, technology, testing, doctor, doctors, nurse, obstetrician, obstetricians, medical, medicine, angel, angels, gabriel, annunciation, announcement, announcements, new testament, bible, mary, joseph, jesus, baby jesus, jesus christ, modern life, religion, religious
Jesus sighted walking off Malibu.
"I'm leaving you and the kids to join the Promise Keepers."
Tags:evangelical, evangelicals, irony, ironic, fatherhood, families, family, christian, christians, bible, bibles, husband, husbands, father, fathers, dad, dads, religion, religions, radical, radicals, jesus, jesus christ, christ, marriage, marriages, conservative, conservatives, family values, divorce, divorced, divorcing
"Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit about fifteen per cent of the earth, a hundred-per-cent increase over what they have today."
Tags:blessed are the meek, sermon, sermons, sermon on the mount, jesus, tax bracket, tax brackets, campaign speech, campaign speeches, speech, speeches, homily, homilies, political speech, political speeches, minister, ministers, inherit, inherits, inheriting, tax cut, tax cuts, inheritance tax, death tax, religious right, right-wing, spin, spins, spin zone, spin zones, economics, supply-side economics, trickle-down economics, jesus, jesus christ
"His sermon last Sunday, 'The Meek Shall Inherit the Earth,' had them rolling in the aisles."
Tags:meek, shall inherit the earth, sermon on the mount, sermon, sermons, christ, jesus christ, sermon, sermons, minister, ministers, reverend, reverends, priest, priests, unholy, sunday, church, churches, churchgoer, churchgoers, blasphemy, blasphemer, congregation, congregations, greed, greedy, greediness, modern life, modern times
"Wow! Gold, frankincense, myrrh—and a six-pack!"
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, new testament, jesus, baby jesus, jesus christ, son of god, joseph, mary, stable, stables, the christmas story, nativity, gold, frankincense, myrrh, six-pack, six-packs, beer, beers, alcohol, drink, drinks, new baby, new babies, baby, babies, new parent, new parents, new father, new fathers, new dad, new dads, dad, dads, father, fathers, gift, gifts, present, presents, three kings, three magi, three wisemen, three wise men, baby shower, baby showers, baptism, christmas, noel, the first christmas, yule, xmas
"Wow! It's beginning to look a lot like Xmas."
The Penultimate Temptation of Christ
Tags:jesus christ, christ, gospel, gospels, religion, religious figures, religious figure, bible, diet, dieting, tempt, tempting, fast, fasting, carbohydrates, carbohydrate, donut, donuts, doughnut, doughnuts, sweets, sweet, sweet tooth, snack, snacks, snacking, crash diet, diets, fad diet, fad diets, carbs, carb, desire, desires, craving, cravings, penultimate
Moses parts the sea causing Jesus, who is walking on water, to fall
Church with a sign out front reading "How would Jesus save social security?"
Tags:religion, religious, church, churches, jesus, jesus christ, wwjd, what would jesus do, christianity, christian, christians, government, governments, politics, social security, welfare, social safety net, save, saving, saving social security, saving welfare, welfare system, social security system, sign, signs, economy, economics, modern life
"Putting the Christ back in Christmas."
Tags:christmas, xmas, noel, yule, shopping, christmas shopping, shopper, shoppers, gift, gifts, present, presents, toy, toys, price, prices, expensive, money, finances, consumerism, commercialisation, commercialization, retail, shop, shops, store, stores, religion, religious, war on christmas, christ, jesus christ, jesus, marketing, advertising, swearing, cursing, wordplay, word play
"Jitters on Wall Street today over rumors that Alan Greenspan said, 'A rich man can as soon enter Heaven as a camel fit through the eye of a needle.' "
Tags:news, media, business, stock market, government, federal reserve, banks, religion, bible, greenspan, jesus, jesus christ, eye of a needle, eye of a needle speech, eye of a needle speeches, frugal, frugal life, wall street, stock market, market report, market reports, capitalist, capitalists, capitalism, socialist, socialists, socialism, christ, mankoff
Jesus Feeds the 5K
Tags:communion, jesus, jesus christ, the end is nigh, the end is near, religion, religions, religious, christian, christians, christianity, run, runner, runners, running, jog, jogging, jogger, joggers, refreshment, refreshments, volunteer, volunteers, wine, bread, marathon, marathons, race, races, racing
Introducing Ed, The Nephew of God.
"What if the meek don't want it?"
Tags:the meek shall inherit the earth, famous phrase, famous phrases, bible story, bible stories, quote, quotes, quotation, quotations, meek, blessed, blessed are the meek, christ, jesus christ, second thought, second thoughts, meekness, earth, god, the father, christian, christians, christianity, sermon on the mount, beatitudes, mercy, merciful
"Right now I'm his apostle, but my dream is to someday be my own Messiah."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, new testament, jesus, jesus christ, son of god, messiah, apostle, apostles, disciple, disciples, follower, followers, leader, leaders, apprentice, apprentices, apprenticing, dream, dreams, dreaming, future, goal, goals, ambition, ambitions, ambitious, aim, aims, aiming, career, careers, career path, career paths, job, jobs, work, employee, employee, worker, workers, boss, bosses, be my own boss, be your own boss, entrepreneur, entrepreneurs, entrepreneurial, learning from the master, learning from the best, training, in-training, intern, interns, internship, internships, business, modern life
"Thomas! Did Judas put you up to that?"
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, new testament, jesus, jesus christ, son of god, last supper, disciple, disciples, judas, thomas, prank, pranks, joke, jokes, joking, practical joke, practical jokes, gag, gags, clown, clowns, jokster, joksters, comedian, comedians, fooling around, bunny ears, art, painting, paintings, portrait, portraits, leonardo davinci, da vinci, famous painting, famous paintings, photo, photos, photograph, photographs, photography, photographer, photographers, annoying, annoyed, modern life
Revisionist Theology Happy Hour in Galilee with Jesus and Judas
Tags:jesus, judas, betrayal, betrayals, original sin, sins, happy hour, happy hours, make up, makes up, making up, galilee, jesus christ, bible story, bible stories, gospel, gospel story, gospel stories, sing, sings, singing, karaoke, karaoke night, karaoke nights, theology, revisionism, revisionist, revisionists, scholar, scholars, bible scholar, bible scholars
"Jesus H. Christ - again with the sandals!"
"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."
Tags:braces, glasses, nerd, nerds, nerdy, nerdiness, late bloomer, late bloomers, rejection, rejections, rejecting, cool, coolness, popular, popular kid, popularity, popular kids, unpopular, class reunion, class reunions, reunion, reunions, glasses, messiah, messiahs, christ, jesus christ, christian, christians, christianity, recognition, recognize, recognizes, recognizing, cool kid, cool kids, loser, losers, reject, rejects, rejection, rejections
"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, new testament, nativity story, christmas story, jesus, jesus christ, baby jesus, birth of jesus, esus's birth, son of god, three wise men, three kings, magi, christmas, noel, yule, star, christmas star, military, missile, missiles, weapon, weapons, weaponry, scud, scud missile, scud missiles, ballistic missile, ballistic missiles, shooting
"I've accepted him as my personal trainer."
Tags:jesus, christ, jesus christ, carry cross, carrying the cross, cross, crucifix, crucifixes, crosses, religion, religious, word play, word-play, play on words, jogger, jogging, jog, jogs, accept him as my, personal trainer, pt, personal trainers, personal training, training, train, trainer, personal best, sport, sports, running, run, runs, modern, modern life, christianity, christian, christians, convert, converting, converts, god, gods