"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."
"I'm Jewish and Don is Catholic, but we're raising the kids as wolves."
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, catholic, catholics, catholicism, mixed family, mixed families, kid, kids, children, religious family, religious families, ideology, ideologies, differing ideology, differing ideologies, raised by wolves, wolf, wolves, misbehave, misbehaves, misbehaving, interfaith, interfaith family, interfaith families, blended family, blended families, shpasik, jtoons
"What don't you understand? When my clients fly their guests over your farm on the way to Vegas, they'd like to see the words 'Mazel tov, Josh' spelled out in your cornfield."
Tags:seder, seders, passover, passovers, passover seder, judaism, jewish, jews, jew, torah, torahs, candy, candies, chocolate, chocolates, parody, parodying, alternative, holiday, holidays, celebration, celebrates, celebrate, hebrew, feast, feasts, represent, represents, representing, symbol, symbols, symbolism, food, foods, religion, religions, home, family, families, shpasik, jtoons
You Got Schmutz On Your Face
Tags:schmutz, dirt, dirty face, face, faces, jewish, jew, jewish community, jewish humor, jewish humour, yid, yiddish, hot dog, hot dog cart, street, streets, street vendor, vendor, vendors, mom, mum, mom jokes, mother, mothers, mothering, parents, parental, maternal, backward, backwards, reverse, reversed, reversal, reverse humor, schmutz on your face
Jews for Jesus and also for pissing off one's parents, even if they weren't religious, in a way that the Hare Krishnas can't even begin to imagine.
Tags:jews, jew, judaism, torah, jesus, messiah, messiahs, rebel, rebellion, rebelling, rebels, hebrew, christian, christians, christianity, family, families, parent, parents, religion, religions, religious, youth, young, adolescent, adolescence, teenage rebellion, teenage-rebellion, teenage, teen, teens, shpasik, jtoons,
Tags:arcade, arcades, arcade game, arcade games, slot machine, slot machines, coin op, coin ops, coin-op, coin-ops, jew, jews, jewish, judaism, mole, moles, bris, brit milah, circumcision, circumcisions, mohel, mohels, covenant of circumcision, circumciser, circumcisers, tradition, traditions, ritual, rituals, shpasik, jtoons
Then on the Eighth Day
Tags:god, heaven, creation, creationism, creationist, creationists, the creation, genesis, book of genesis, the book of genesis, old testament, the old testament, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jew, jews, jewish, theism, theist, theists, religions, writers block, writer's block, creative block, artists block, artist's block, creation myth, in the beginning, give up, giving up, given up, run out of ideas, running out of ideas, rest, resting, relax, relaxing, taking a break
Arresting Adam and Eve
Tags:adam, eve, garden of eden, genesis, creation myth, creation myths, creation story, creation stories, snake, snakes, serpent, serpents, temptations, tempting, tempted, beat cop, beat cops, the fall, bible story, bible stories, torah story, torah stories, arrest, arrests, crimes, criminal, criminals, policemen, policeman, cop, cops, christian, christians, christianity, judaism, jew, jews
"I'd like to buy my husband a yarmulke of the type worn by Rudy Giuliani."
Tags:yarmulke, yarmulkes, jewish voter, jewish voters, jewish vote, giuliani, rudy giuliani, mayor, mayors, new york, new york city, candidate, candidates, presidential candidate, presidential candidates, fashion, hat, hats, fashionable, mislead, misleads, misleading, shop, shops, shopping, men's fashion, appeal, appeals, appealing, deceive, deceives, deceiving, appropriate, appropriates, appropriation, religious dress, jew, jews, jewish, demographic, demographics, campaign, campaigns, campaigning
Shotgun Bar Mitzvah
"I don't want to let being dead define me."
Tags:dead, dying, heaven, the after life, afterlife, after life, after-life, angel, angels, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jewish, jew, jews, self define, self defined, self definition, self-define, self-defined, self-definition, theism, theist, theists, putting people in boxes, define, defined, pretentious, pretension, delusion, deluded, mistaken
"I love your early work."
Tags:god, jew, jews, jewish, judaism, compliment, compliments, early adopter, early adopters, original, originals, abraham, abrahamic religion, abrahamic religions, fan, fans, fanatic, fanatics, religion, religions, religious, observe, observes, observant, orthodox, early work, purist, purists, shpasik, jtoons
"First of all, this conversation never happened."
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, orthodox, yarmulke, yarmulkes, christmas, holiday, holidays, holiday season, deniability, plausible deniability, vow of silence, santa, santa claus, father christmas, hanukkah, chanukah, christian, christians, goyim, goy, gentile, gentiles, swearing to silence, jealous, envy, envious, shpasik, jtoons
The Encyclopedia of Job
"Hava Nagila" go-round.
Baking the Earth
Tags:pangaea, continental drift, continental drifting, earth, the earth, planet earth, god, creation, creationism, christianity, christian, judaism, jew, jews, jewish, christians, bake, baking, land formation, rock formation, formation of the earth, formation of earth, prehistoric, prehistorical, prehistory, pre-historic, pre-historical, pre-history, continent, continents, landmass, landmasses, cook, cooking, cake, cakes, baking a cake, theist, theists, theism
Jewish Deep Thinker
Jewish Time Check
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, judaism, religion, religions, religious, jewish grandmother, jewish grandmothers, jewish grandma, jewish grandmas, family, families, grandparent, grandparents, mother, mothers, mom, moms, mum, mums, parent, parents, yiddish, hebrew, time, time change, evil eye, superstitious, kayn aynhoreh
"Don't rush me! There's a very delicate line between good kitsch and junky tchotchkes."
All Visitors Must Be Orthodox
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, judaism, religion, religions, religious, orthodox, orthodox jew, visitor, visitors, visiting, visit, hotel, hotels, guesthouse, guesthouses, apartment, apartments, flat, flats, penthouses, rich, rich people, wealth, wealthy people, money, doorman, doormen, traditional, conservative
"It would be sweet to be your Valentine, Kevin, but the concept's to goyish for me, and besides, I don't date shaygetsers."
"Oh, I'm so sorry! My mother always said that skiing was not a thing for a Jewish person."
"Look, instead of experiencing me as a too-demanding Jewish Prince, why not just think of me as 'Quality Control'?"