Tags:adam and eve, garden of eden, the garden of eden, original sin, genesis, the book of genesis, old testament, the old testament, the bible, biblical, christianity, christian, judaism, jewish, christians, football, foul, fouls, soccer, football game, football games, soccer game, soccer games, red card, red cards, football player, football players, soccer players, soccer players
Tags:hanukkah, christmas, tree, christmas tree, festival of lights, festival of dedication, chanukah, dreidal, menorah, candle, candles, candle lighting, winter, winter wonderland, snow, snowing, forest, chopping down trees, tree decorating, tree decorations, christians, christian, christianity, jewish, judism, celebrations, religion, religious, multi religion, traditions, traditional, family traditions, shpasik, jtoons
"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."
"Oh shoot, we still need to get Hanukkah gifts for the Rosenbaums."
Tags:santa, santa claus, kris kringle, father christmas, saint nick, st nicholas, saint nicholas, st nick, pelznickel, mr claus, mrs claus, hannukkah, gift, gifts, present, presents, friend, friends, jewish, christian, christians, judaism, christianity, realistic, realism, gifting, second temple, home, marriage, home life, shpasik, jtoons
"I do hope you're here for the circumcision."
Tags:death, dead, die, dies, dying, grim, grim reaper, reapers, reaper, creepy, scythe, scythes, soul, souls, eternal soul, underworld, religion, religious, religious imagery, modern, modern life, unexpected, guest, guests, doctor, doctors, knife, knives, jewish, jewish people, party, parties, dinner party, dinner parties, bar mitzvah, knives, sharp, cut, cutting, circumcision, shpasik, jtoons
"I'm Jewish and Don is Catholic, but we're raising the kids as wolves."
Tags:jew, jews, jewish, catholic, catholics, catholicism, mixed family, mixed families, kid, kids, children, religious family, religious families, ideology, ideologies, differing ideology, differing ideologies, raised by wolves, wolf, wolves, misbehave, misbehaves, misbehaving, interfaith, interfaith family, interfaith families, blended family, blended families, shpasik, jtoons
Tags:adam and eve, garden of eden, the garden of eden, genesis, book of genesis, old testament, the old testament, tempted, tempting, temptations, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jews, jewish, forbidden fruit, the forbidden fruit, smoothie, smoothies, blender, blenders, smoothie maker, smoothie makers, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, fad, fads, healthy living
"What don't you understand? When my clients fly their guests over your farm on the way to Vegas, they'd like to see the words 'Mazel tov, Josh' spelled out in your cornfield."
Tags:seder, seders, passover, passovers, passover seder, judaism, jewish, jews, jew, torah, torahs, candy, candies, chocolate, chocolates, parody, parodying, alternative, holiday, holidays, celebration, celebrates, celebrate, hebrew, feast, feasts, represent, represents, representing, symbol, symbols, symbolism, food, foods, religion, religions, home, family, families, shpasik, jtoons
You Got Schmutz On Your Face
Tags:schmutz, dirt, dirty face, face, faces, jewish, jew, jewish community, jewish humor, jewish humour, yid, yiddish, hot dog, hot dog cart, street, streets, street vendor, vendor, vendors, mom, mum, mom jokes, mother, mothers, mothering, parents, parental, maternal, backward, backwards, reverse, reversed, reversal, reverse humor, schmutz on your face
Noah's Ark Being Towed.
"I'm not beached. I just don't swim on Saturdays."
Tags:sabbath, the sabbath, shabbat, rest, rests, resting, orthodox, tradition, traditional, orthodox jew, whale, whales, beach, beached, beaches, beached whale, hasidic, hasidic jew, jewish, hasidic jews, custom, customs, religion, religions, religious, judaism, saturday, fish, fishes, ocean, oceans, sea, seas, play on words, word play, shpasik, jtoons
"Ugh, I'm too hungover for salvation-come back later."
Tags:hungover, hangover, hangovers, drinker, drinkers, the morning after, god, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jews, jewish, salvation, salvation, judgement, judgement day, miracle, miracles, headache, headaches, hung over, hung-over, hang over, hang overs, hang-over, hang-overs, drunk, drunks, alcoholic, alcoholics, alcoholism, theism, theist, theists
"I'm calling it 'Genesis.' It's part of a five-book contract."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, old testament, book, books, writer, writers, author, authors, literature, publisher, publishers, series, book series, series of books, desert, history, historical, popular book, popular books, ancient, jewish, judaism, christian, christianity, scribe, scribes, contract, contracts, shpasik, jtoons
"I hate my fans."
Tags:god, heaven, angel, angels, pearly gate, pearly gates, religions, theism, theist, theists, religious extremism, religious extremist, religious extremists, extremism, extremist, fan, fans, fandom, fandoms, fanatic, fanatic, idol, idols, idolise, idolize, idolising, idolizing, christian, christians, christianity, judaism, jews, jewish
"No, we're not Jewish, but we think it would be fun for our reception's theme to be 'A Jewish Wedding.'"
Tags:jewish, judaism, religion, religions, religious, culture, cultural appropriation, misappropriation, power imbalance, cultural adoption, marriage, engaged, engagement, wedding planning, wedding planner, wedding planners, bride, brides, groom, grooms, special events, special event, wedding, weddings, fiance, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, white people, relationship, relationships, ignorance, ignorant, shpasik, jtoons
"We only ask that you be discreet around the celebrities."
Tags:arcade, arcades, arcade game, arcade games, slot machine, slot machines, coin op, coin ops, coin-op, coin-ops, jew, jews, jewish, judaism, mole, moles, bris, brit milah, circumcision, circumcisions, mohel, mohels, covenant of circumcision, circumciser, circumcisers, tradition, traditions, ritual, rituals, shpasik, jtoons
Boat Christening vs. Boat Bris
Tags:christen, christens, christening, bris, circumcise, circumcises, circumcising, circumcision, circumcisions, jewish, ship, ships, boat, boats, mohel, mohels, orthodox, jewish, judaism, rite, rites, rite of passage, rites of passage, sailor, sailors, ceremony, ceremonies, bow, bows, champagne bottle, champagne bottles, jibboom, jibbooms, shpasik, jtoons
"Bank's closed today, folks. It's Yom Kippur."
Tags:slang, cowboy, cowboys, cow boy, cow boys, wild west, west, western, westerns, old west, wild wild west, horseback, horses, horse, pony, pony express, ye olde, modern, modern life, modernity, yehaw, cowboy hat, hat, 10 gallon hat, ten gallon hat, yom kippur, modern, modern life, modern world, bank, bank holiday, culture, culture clash, jewish, jewish custom, jewish customs, sheriff, sheriffs, deputy, deputies, folks
"Two bars—how about you?"
Tags:angel, angels, heaven, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jewish, jews, smartphone, smartphones, modern technology, modern technologies, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, connectivity, phone signal, phone signals, wifi, wi-fi, wifi signal, wi-fi signal, cellphone, cellphones, phone, phones, mobile phone, mobile phones, reception, phone reception, no signal, telephone signal, telephone signals, phone signal, phone signals, priorities, prioritise, prioritize, wrong priorities, bad priorities, heavenly reward, disappoint, disappointed, disappointment
"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"
Tags:animal, animals, sheep, pig, pigs, eat, eating, meat, bacon, pork, god, creation, creationism, religion, religious, judaism, jewish, dietary law, dietary laws, kosher, non-kosher, food, vegetarian, vegetarians, vegetarianism, vegan, vegans, veganism, shepherd, shepherds, wrap, wrapped, shpasik, jtoons
Then on the Eighth Day
Tags:god, heaven, creation, creationism, creationist, creationists, the creation, genesis, book of genesis, the book of genesis, old testament, the old testament, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jew, jews, jewish, theism, theist, theists, religions, writers block, writer's block, creative block, artists block, artist's block, creation myth, in the beginning, give up, giving up, given up, run out of ideas, running out of ideas, rest, resting, relax, relaxing, taking a break
"Love the apple. Love the snake. Love the whole concept. Shoot the works!"
Tags:adam and eve, garden of eden, the garden of eden, original sin, genesis, the book of genesis, old testament, the old testament, biblical, the bible, biblical, christianity, christian, judaism, jewish, christians, devil, devils, satan, hell, the after life, punishments, executives, executive, business executives, business executive, business executives, manager, managers, boss, bosses, business manager, business managers, idea, ideas, proposal, proposal, presentation, presentations
Adam and Eve on CCTV
Tags:adam and eve, garden of eden, the garden of eden, original sin, genesis, the book of genesis, modern life, modern attitudes, modern technology, modern technology, modern tech, cctv, cctv camera, surveillance camera, surveillance camera, spying, intrude, intruding, intrusion, intrusive, old testament, the old testament, biblical, the bible, biblical, christianity, christian, judaism, jewish, christians