"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."
"Hi. I'm John, your date for this evening. I've brought my résumé and letters of recommendation."
Tags:
date, dates, dating, single life, resume, resumes, application, applications, job application, job applications, defensive, attorney, attorneys, modern life, modern lives, identity, identities, identification, identifications, driver's license, modern life, modern times, blind date, blind dates, internet date, internet dates, internet dating, dating site, dating sites"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."
Tags:
grateful dead, deadhead, deadheads, dead head, dead heads, blank, blanks, gap, gaps, resume gap, resume gaps, c/v, c/vs, job application, job applications, stoner, stoners, tour, tours, touring, boomer, boomers, baby boomer, baby boomers, fan, fans"The bunny did not get the job because the bunny is cute. The bunny got the job because the bunny knows WordPerfect."
Tags:
discrimination, discriminate, discriminates, discriminating, cute, cuteness, adorable, bunny, bunnies, rabbit, rabbits, hippo, hippos, hippopotamus, writing program, writing programs, skill, skills, skilled, qualification, qualifications, job qualification, job qualifications, qualified, hiring, application, applications, job application, job applications, suspicious, suspicion, suspicions, attractive, attractiveness, computer skills, computer literacy"I gotta tell ya, these embezzlement convictions raise a red flag."
Tags:
business, personnel, crime, ethics, moral relativity, jargon, application, applications, criminal history, criminal history, red flag, red flags, conviction, convictions, embezzlement, embezzle, embezzles, embezzling, red flag, red flags, job application, job applications, job interview, job interviews, interviewing, warning, warning sign, warning signs, corporate crime, corporate criminal, white collar crime, white collar crimes, mankoff"I see by your résumé that you're a woman."
Tags:
resume, resumes, diversity, diversity hire, diversity hires, hiring, hire, hires, hiring officer, hiring officers, c/v, c/vs, feminist, feminists, feminism, glass ceiling, misogynist, misogynists, misogyny, qualification, qualifications, qualified, sexist, sexists, application, applications, job application, job applications"Sorry, you're overqualified."
Tags:
snail, snails, rejection, rejections, job application, job applications, job interview, job interviews, overqualified, over qualification, over-qualification, overqualification, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs, excuse, excuses, making excuses, mollusc, molluscs, snail drawing, snail drawings"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"
Tags:
translation, translations, french, translator, translators, resume, resumes, c/v, c/vs, cv, application, applications, job application, job applications, qualification, qualifications, job qualification, job qualifications, business school, business schools, harvard business school, lie, lies, lying, liar, liars"So, where do you see yourself in five thousand years?"
Tags:
shinx, the sphinx, ancient egypt, ancient egyptians, pyramids of giza, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, job application, job applications, interviewer, interviewers, interview question, interview questions, cliche, cliches, great sphinx of giza, stupid question, stupid questions, monument, monuments, archaeology, archaeologist, archaeologists"If we give you an office with a window, how do we know you won't just fly away?"
Tags:
bird, birds, birdman, birdmen, hiring, hiring process, hire, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, interviewer, interviewers, interviewee, interviewees, human resources, hr, h.r., recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, job application, job applications, applicant, applicant, searching for work, looking for a job, applying for a job, searching for a job, employee, employment, promotion, promotions, office manager, office managers, office management, businessman, businessmen, office, offices, office space, office spaces, anthropomorphic, anthropomorphism"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."
Tags:
hiring, hiring process, hire, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, interviewer, interviewers, interviewee, interviewees, human resources, hr, h.r., recruitment, recruiter, recruiters, c.v., c.v.s, cv, curriculum vitae, resume, resumes, job application, job applications, applicant, applicant, criminal record, felony, felonies, felon, felons, convict, convicts, crime, criminal, criminals, searching for a job, searching for work, looking for a job, applying for a job, white-collar crime, business, businessman, businessmen, corporate crime, corruption, unemployment, lawyer, lawyers, counselor, counselors, counsellor, counsellors, attorney, attorneys, barrister, barrister, solicitor, solicitors, client, clients, strength, strengths, weakness, weaknesses, suitability, balanceWill work for Food Network.
Tags:
food network, panhandle, panhandles, panhandling, panhandler, panhandlers, beg, begs, begging, beggar, beggars, chef, chefs, cook, cooks, tv chef, tv chefs, tv cook, tv cooks, television personality, television personalities, tv personality, tv personalities, celebrity chef, celebrity chefs, job offer, job offers, job application, job applications"Very nice résumé. Leave a sample of your DNA with my secretary."
Tags:
resume, resumes, dna, dna smaple, dna samples, invasion of privacy, invasions of privacy, urine test, urine tests, test, tests, testing, hiring, job interview, job interviews, interview, interviews, interviewing, qualification, qualifications, employment officer, employment officers, genetics, gene, genes, job applicant, job applicants, job application, job applications, personnel, gene, genes, genome, genomes, human resources"Will my office be near an ice machine."
Tags:
job interview, job interviews, job application, job applications, priorities, wrong priorities, bad priorities, new job, new jobs, new office, new offices, recruitment officer, recruitment officers, hiring, ice machine, ice machines, important question, important questions, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs"As a company, and as individuals, we are without irony. Will that bother you?"
Tags:
interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, office, offices, corporate, corporation, corporations, qualified, qualification, qualifications, company, companies, skill, skills, job application, job applications, applying for a job, irony, seriousness, serious, humorless, humourless, job requirement, job requirements"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."
Tags:
interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, job application, job applications, false claim, false claims, burden of proof, the burden of proof, dishonest, dishonsty, liar, liars, corrupt, corruption, lawyer, lawyers, attorney, attorneys, business meeting, business meetings, business man, business men, businessman, businessmen, businessperson"Two English-speaking people to do cooking and all housework on South Carolina plantation October through May. References required. Must like dogs."
Tags:
job candidate, job candidates, job applicant, job applicants, job application, job applications, candidate, candidates, job seeker, job seekers, job seeking, job hunter, job hunters, job hunting, job hunt, job hunts, servant, servants, housework, household, households, domestic, domestics, worker, workers, domestic worker, domestic workers"Am I a team player? Are you kidding? I was in a cult."
Tags:
cult, cults, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, job application, job applications, team player, team players, interview question, interview questions, cliche, cliches, teamwork, team work, offices, office job, office jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs, social deviant, social deviants, business jargon, buzzword, buzzwords"Welcome abroad, Andrews. Now just see personnel on twelve, and antlers on fifteen."
"I see by your resume that you've got a big problem with formatting."
Tags:
cv, curriculum vitae, curriculum vitaes, resume, resumes, job application, job applications, interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, modern technology, modern technology, formatting, text formatting, under qualified, under-qualified, unqualified, bad interview, bad interviews, computer skills, out of touch, behind the times"We're looking for someone who is thrilled just to have a job."
Tags:
offices, office job, office jobs, bad job, bad jobs, boring job, boring jobs, bad pay, low pay, low paid job, low paid jobs, office work, office worker, office workers, desk job, desk jobs, interview, interviews, interview technique, interview techniques, job application, job applications, job market, the job market, modern life, modern attitudes"That's my sock drawer- I just wanted you to see how organized I am."
"Is this a trick question?"
Tags:
interview, interviews, job interview, job interviews, circus animal, circus animals, performing animal, performing animals, juggle, juggling, juggling dog, juggling dogs, trick question, trick questions, job application, job applications, dog, dogs, puppy, puppies, new job, new jobs, bad interview, bad interviews, interviewer, interviewers"Do you have any references?"
Tags:
superhero, superheroes, applicant, applicants, job application, job applications, application, applications, interview, interviews, interviewing, job interview, job interviews, employment, reference, references, job reference, job references, personnel, personnel department, human resources, human resources department, human resources departments, comic book, comic books, recruit, recruits, recruiting, lack of references, job experience, qualification, qualifications, unqualified, limited, limitation, limitations