Heaven- A Gated Community
Tags:heaven, gates of heaven, christianity, christian, judaism, gated community, gated communities, exclusive community, exclusive communities, sins, denied entry, denied access, death, security, secure community, secure communities, wealth, privilege, property, properties, expensive property, expensive properties, exclusive property, expensive housing, exclusive housing, exclusive, exclusion, exclusive properties, unaffordable, unaffordable property, unaffordable properties, unaffordable housing, real estate, sign, signs, signage keep out, gate, gates, ornate gates, secure, protected, rejected, protect, protection, reject, rejection, pearly gates, pearly gate
Tags:adam and eve, garden of eden, the garden of eden, original sin, genesis, the book of genesis, old testament, the old testament, the bible, biblical, christianity, christian, judaism, jewish, christians, football, foul, fouls, soccer, football game, football games, soccer game, soccer games, red card, red cards, football player, football players, soccer players, soccer players
"And remember, if you need anything I'm available 24/6."
"Oh shoot, we still need to get Hanukkah gifts for the Rosenbaums."
Tags:santa, santa claus, kris kringle, father christmas, saint nick, st nicholas, saint nicholas, st nick, pelznickel, mr claus, mrs claus, hannukkah, gift, gifts, present, presents, friend, friends, jewish, christian, christians, judaism, christianity, realistic, realism, gifting, second temple, home, marriage, home life, shpasik, jtoons
"You. You. And you."
Tags:heaven, gates of heaven, the gates of heaven, heavens gates, pearly gate, pearly gates, angel, angels, bouncer, bouncers, security, security guards, security guard, crowd, crowds, queue, queues, selection, selection process, club, clubs, clubbing, admitting, admittance, admitted, exclusive, exclusion, elite, the elite, elites, chosen, chose one, the chosen ones, gods chosen ones, god's chosen ones, rope, ropes, barrier, barriers, ped barrier, ped barriers, crowd control, control, controls, controlled, contolling, crowd controlling, crowd controls, crowd controller, christianity, judaism, re teacher, religious education, re, religious studies, rs teacher, rs teachers, re teachers, pick, picking, choose, choosing, discriminate, discrimination, god
Politics, Finance, Religion.
Tags:politics, political, politic, finance, finances, money, rich, corrupt, corruption, religion, religions, christianity, judaism, three wise monkeys, hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil, proverb, proverbs, blind eye, blind eyes, monkey, monkeys, animal, animals, incompetent, corrupting, evil, evils, amoral, unethical, immoral
Tags:adam and eve, garden of eden, the garden of eden, genesis, book of genesis, old testament, the old testament, tempted, tempting, temptations, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jews, jewish, forbidden fruit, the forbidden fruit, smoothie, smoothies, blender, blenders, smoothie maker, smoothie makers, modern life, modern times, modern attitudes, fad, fads, healthy living
"What don't you understand? When my clients fly their guests over your farm on the way to Vegas, they'd like to see the words 'Mazel tov, Josh' spelled out in your cornfield."
Tags:seder, seders, passover, passovers, passover seder, judaism, jewish, jews, jew, torah, torahs, candy, candies, chocolate, chocolates, parody, parodying, alternative, holiday, holidays, celebration, celebrates, celebrate, hebrew, feast, feasts, represent, represents, representing, symbol, symbols, symbolism, food, foods, religion, religions, home, family, families, shpasik, jtoons
Noah's Ark Being Towed.
Jews for Jesus and also for pissing off one's parents, even if they weren't religious, in a way that the Hare Krishnas can't even begin to imagine.
Tags:jews, jew, judaism, torah, jesus, messiah, messiahs, rebel, rebellion, rebelling, rebels, hebrew, christian, christians, christianity, family, families, parent, parents, religion, religions, religious, youth, young, adolescent, adolescence, teenage rebellion, teenage-rebellion, teenage, teen, teens, shpasik, jtoons,
"I'm not beached. I just don't swim on Saturdays."
Tags:sabbath, the sabbath, shabbat, rest, rests, resting, orthodox, tradition, traditional, orthodox jew, whale, whales, beach, beached, beaches, beached whale, hasidic, hasidic jew, jewish, hasidic jews, custom, customs, religion, religions, religious, judaism, saturday, fish, fishes, ocean, oceans, sea, seas, play on words, word play, shpasik, jtoons
"What do you think- capitalize 'Me'? Or too much?"
Tags:grammar, capitals, capitalisation, proper noun, proper nouns, god, heaven, angel, angels, christianity, judaism, narcissism, narcissist, narcissists, egocentric, egotist, self-absorbed, self-absorption, bible, the bible, deity, capitalize, grammar nazi, deities, monotheism, monotheist, reverential capitalisation, reverential capitalization, pronouns, pronoun, correct pronouns
"Ugh, I'm too hungover for salvation-come back later."
Tags:hungover, hangover, hangovers, drinker, drinkers, the morning after, god, christianity, christian, christians, judaism, jews, jewish, salvation, salvation, judgement, judgement day, miracle, miracles, headache, headaches, hung over, hung-over, hang over, hang overs, hang-over, hang-overs, drunk, drunks, alcoholic, alcoholics, alcoholism, theism, theist, theists
"I'm calling it 'Genesis.' It's part of a five-book contract."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, old testament, book, books, writer, writers, author, authors, literature, publisher, publishers, series, book series, series of books, desert, history, historical, popular book, popular books, ancient, jewish, judaism, christian, christianity, scribe, scribes, contract, contracts, shpasik, jtoons
"I hate my fans."
Tags:god, heaven, angel, angels, pearly gate, pearly gates, religions, theism, theist, theists, religious extremism, religious extremist, religious extremists, extremism, extremist, fan, fans, fandom, fandoms, fanatic, fanatic, idol, idols, idolise, idolize, idolising, idolizing, christian, christians, christianity, judaism, jews, jewish
"No, we're not Jewish, but we think it would be fun for our reception's theme to be 'A Jewish Wedding.'"
Tags:jewish, judaism, religion, religions, religious, culture, cultural appropriation, misappropriation, power imbalance, cultural adoption, marriage, engaged, engagement, wedding planning, wedding planner, wedding planners, bride, brides, groom, grooms, special events, special event, wedding, weddings, fiance, spouse, spouses, couple, couples, men, man, woman, women, white people, relationship, relationships, ignorance, ignorant, shpasik, jtoons
"He'll have abandonment issues."
Tags:moses, basket, baskets, egypt, ancient egypt, exodus, book of exodus, torah, bible, bible story, bible stories, abandon, abandons, abandonment, abandonment issues, complex, complexes, long lost mother, long lost parent, mother, mothers, son, sons, mom, moms, mum, mums, judaism, christianity, old testament
"And a little something for the wife."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, biblical, old testament, exodus, book of exodus, deuteronomy, book of deuteronomy, moses, commandment, commandments, ten commandments, 10 commandments, decalogue, god, gift, gifts, present, presents, valentine, valentines, valentine's day, heart, hearts, wife, wives, married life, marriage, marriages, spouse, spouses, relationship, relationships, husband, husbands, zipporah, tzipora, christianity, judaism
"We only ask that you be discreet around the celebrities."
King Solomon's Wedding"You may kiss the brides. You may also kiss the concubines, but don't make a big tzimmes about it."
Tags:religion, religious, bible, ancient, biblical, hebrew, old testament, kings, book of kings, judaism, christianity, king solomon, relationship, relationships, marriage, marriages, married life, couple, couples, husband, husbands, wife, wives, spouse, spouses, polygamy, polygamous, concubine, concubines, wedding, weddings, wedding ceremony, wedding ceremonies, wedding vows, vows, exchanging vows, saying i do, bride, brides, groom, grooms, kiss, kissing, rabbi, rabbis, minister, ministers, fuss, tzimmes, yiddish, shpasik, jtoons
"Obviously, somebody screwed up somewhere."
Tags:dog, dogs, puppy, puppies, pet dog, pet dogs, dog lover, dog lovers, pet, pets, dog owner, dog owners, dog breed, dog breeds, old testament, the great flood, noah, noahs arc, noah's arc, christianity, judaism, genesis, book of genesis, mix up, mix ups, mix-up, mix-ups, mistake, mistakes, bible story, bible stories
"It's very nice. I just think they could add a spa."
Tags:heaven, angel, angels, spa, spas, dying, afterlife, the afterlife, after-life, the after-life, heavenly reward, god, gods, christianity, christians, judaism, jews, complain, complaining, dissatisfied, ungrateful, hotel, hotels, hotel spas, hotel spa, unreasonable, fitness, wellbeing, well-being, well being, day spa, day spas, immortality, paradise, imperfect, imperfection, life after death, afterworld, the afterworld, after world, the after world, after worlds, afterworlds
Tags:arcade, arcades, arcade game, arcade games, slot machine, slot machines, coin op, coin ops, coin-op, coin-ops, jew, jews, jewish, judaism, mole, moles, bris, brit milah, circumcision, circumcisions, mohel, mohels, covenant of circumcision, circumciser, circumcisers, tradition, traditions, ritual, rituals, shpasik, jtoons
Boat Christening vs. Boat Bris
Tags:christen, christens, christening, bris, circumcise, circumcises, circumcising, circumcision, circumcisions, jewish, ship, ships, boat, boats, mohel, mohels, orthodox, jewish, judaism, rite, rites, rite of passage, rites of passage, sailor, sailors, ceremony, ceremonies, bow, bows, champagne bottle, champagne bottles, jibboom, jibbooms, shpasik, jtoons